Losing a Parent

Even when we expect the inevitable with an aged parent, the shock is no less. Even when we think we have asked all the questions we would need to know to carry on and continue our family heritage, we haven't. Two weeks ago I lost my mother. She was ready to go but it doesn't make it hurt less. A few weeks ago she said that she thought He must have forgotten her name because he had not called her home. She said, 'I'm ready to go."

I was very saddened by her wish to leave her family. My brother disagreed with me. He said, had she been in her 50's, 60's or even 70's, he would have agreed but at almost ninety-one years of age, she had lived a good life and she had the right to go if she chose. Put that way, I guess I have to agree too. Everything was difficult for her - even going to the bathroom was an ordeal as was getting ready for bed. She kept saying she was 'so tired' and yet it was us who continued to cling.

Having been told that she had gone into kidney failure, with no prior warning, she lasted five days. Her family kept a constant vigil by her bedside and there were often four generations clustered around her bed. At times she made an effort to communicate, at other times she seemed content to know we were all there. In those final days she must have been aware of the love surrounding her. My eight year old grandson lay his hand on hers and told her he would miss her. Those were the last words he spoke to her. My two year old granddaughter, who is named after her great grandmother, said, 'I love you Granny' and she summoned the strength to pass words of love on to the child.

She has gone home to be with my father and they are probably sitting again with their chairs parked beside each other, holding hands as they did so often in life.