Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Single Parent Families - Twenty Hints on How to Manage Financially

Stretching our hard-earned dollars, regardless of what our income is, puts more money into our pocket to spend on necessities or for the occasional treat. The following suggestions will work for most people or can be adapted to suit each family depending on their needs.

The following are some general money-saving suggestions:

1. Cut up your credit cards and use cash only. There can be no temptation to overspend if you are only using cash. In order for this to properly work, it will be important to have a budget.
2. Utility costs can be reduced by either packaging your utilities and/or getting the basics only.
3. Use cellphone for emergencies only; stay within your allotted minutes, or use a pay-as-you-go cellphone plan.
4. Borrow DVD's and CD's, as well as magazines from the library and avoid the cost of purchases, going to movies or rentals of videos; or trade with friends.
5. Take advantage of all refunds and rebates available.
6. Look for bargains. There are many places to go if you shop around, i.e.: flea markets, garage sales, discount outlets and consignment shops.
7. Make your coffee at home rather than stopping at a coffee outlet.
8. Avoid luxuries – they are exactly that and not necessary. Rather than buy a newspaper every day, most news can be read online, make your own greeting cards, reuse wrapping paper or use plain brown paper when wrapping gifts. At Christmas I use brown paper for my gifts and red crepe paper for the ribbon – it costs almost nothing and looks very elegant.
9. Instead of going out for dinner, socialize by entertaining friends at your home potluck style – it won't break anyone's bank.
10. Cut out snacks and avoid using the vending machines, you'll save money and be healthier for it as well.
11. Make sure all products such as shampoo, dish soap, toothpaste and ketchup are completely finished before assigning them to the garbage basket.
12. Every small savings adds up whether it's a penny here or there or half an inch of ketchup in the bottom of the container.
13. Make your own wine, it is cheaper than buying it.
14. Barter your services or goods for what someone else has to offer.
15. When grocery shopping, never go without a list – never impulse buy and never shop when hungry.
16. Use coupons, buy bulk food items, buy store brands (there is most often little difference in taste), buy case lots on items that are frequently used, look for bargains and buy on sale.
17. When buying in bulk, freeze the extra food for other meals, this is especially true in the summer when fresh produce is plentiful and less expensive.
18. Use leftovers – reinvent them for another meal, i.e.: many things can be added to the soup pot or add leftover vegetables to a stir fry or fried rice.
19. Gas expenses for your car can be reduced by planning your trips, taking public transit, bicycling, walking or carpooling.
20. Many things can be made rather than bought which will save money, i.e.: kid's Hallowe'en costumes, gifts, Christmas decorations or baking and cooking from scratch.

There are many other ways to save if we just realize that the basic thing to remember is the importance of reducing expenses. Once that becomes ingrained, stretching your money and saving will become an automatic habit.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Thanksgiving Day Family Traditions

Thanksgiving means many things to different people. For some it is a chance to get together with friends to watch football and for many others, it is an opportunity to spend time with family. The following are some of the ways to celebrate Thanksgiving traditions with your family:

For many people this holiday is not complete without turkey and pumpkin pie; it is our traditional Thanksgiving meal. And although the holiday celebration tends to center around the meal, there can be much more to this family celebration than just food.

It is a time to enjoy the family traditions you now have and to create new ones. It is a chance for cousins to visit and play together; for adults and older children to play board games and enjoy each others company; to relax, watch a football game or reminisce about those special memories of those who are unable to be there. For others, it is a time when children look forward to pulling the wishbone and making a wish. This is usually the time that the older siblings draw names for Christmas gift-giving in our family and an opportunity to remind everyone to make up their Christmas list.

One of our traditions is we have a Thanksgiving runner for the table where everyone can write on it in a permanent marker to say what they are thankful for. Another one is a game we play as a family based on each individual's uniqueness. An example of the questions are:

- Who is calm, collected and organized?
- Who can belly dance?
- Who is sometimes the absent-minded professor?
- Who meditates?
- Who is allergic to bees?
- Who is the Queen of Substitutions?
- Who bought a car based solely on how clean the engine was?
- Who counts steps and tiles while walking or sitting in a public area?
- Which two people in the family have broken their left wrists?

This is an example of the many types of questions that can be asked and works particularly well in large families,. It's a fun game too while everyone tries to guess who in the family it is. This is especially true if the questions and answers are humorous. Most families probably have many such questions that they could think of adding to their game.

Another family tradition is having each member bring a food item to put into a Thanksgiving basket for a less fortunate family. Perhaps each year a different family member can be in charge of organizing this tradition for that year.

There are many traditions that can be included in your family's Thanksgiving celebrations; these are but a few. Traditions draw families together; they encourage teamwork, co-operation and laughter. And most things when done with a common goal in mind are fun. I hope you enjoy your Thanksgiving celebrations.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Adult Stepchildren - Is Their An Easy Solution to Getting Along?

There is no denying that blended families are difficult not only for the stepchildren but for the adults as well. And when the stepchildren are adults, the difficulties are possibly more complex than when children are small. What can we do to improve our relationships with our adult stepchildren?

First we have to understand why there may be resentment towards us. The following may be some things to consider:

- Did we come into the situation not considering how the adult stepchildren might be feeling about their parent remarrying? This is particularly the case if their parent had not been on their own for any significant length of time.
- Was it a complete surprise to them or had their biological parent discussed his/her plans with the children?
- Are they fearful of feeling isolated from their parent and that his/her time and attention will be taken away from them?
- If there are grandchildren, do they feel less time will be spent with them because of the new person in their mother/father's life?
- They may feel as if they're being disloyal to the absent parent if they welcome or are friendly with the stepparent.
- They may be concerned about inheritance issues and feel there will be nothing for them.

There are many ways that adult stepchildren can show their displeasure with the new person in their biological parent's life. The following are some of the ways:

- They may not invite you to special occasions;
- They may exclude you from conversations that you know nothing about because they took place before you were part of the family;
- They may ignore you as if you don't exist even when you're in your own home;
- They may attempt to control their biological parent;
- They may do cruel things like giving Christmas gifts to their parent but not to you or sit at your table when you have prepared a meal and not say anything to you.

As stepparents to adult stepchildren, how can we handle this difficult situation?

- Don't take what is said and done to you personally. The reality is it likely has nothing to do with you as a person. No matter who had come into their parent's life, they would feel the same way about them.
- The dynamics of the family were no doubt in existence long before you became part of it. Being the new kid on the block will not change the basic dynamics. It's important to remember that no matter what situation you are in, the new kid always has a tough time getting accepted. The same thing happened when we went to a new school.
- Realize that you will not win adult stepchildren over with warmth and kindness only. Patience will be required as changes in relationships take time to develop and grow.
- Set boundaries. By that I mean, do not allow yourself to be mistreated. If a dinner for the family is not appreciated, do not put yourself to the trouble again. Possibly suggest that your partner and his/her children have dinner in a restaurant without you. If they exclude you from special occasions, plan your own time with family and friends. If they try to control their biological parent, discover the reason why and discuss the problem with your partner, explaining how you feel.
- Give your partner family time, without you, with his/her adult children to try to lessen the reason for any jealousies.
- If all else fails, as a couple, speak with a counselor.

We don't need to be parents to our adult stepchildren. If we can succeed at being friends, we can consider ourselves fortunate.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

His Sins Comment

"His Sins" is a captivating novel about how some decisions have the capacity to withstand lifetimes and generations. We follow one man's decisions to see how the ripple effect lasts generations affecting not only his children, but his children's children, and their children also. It makes us think twice about the lives we lead, and the intentions we hold dear to our hearts. It warns us of our motivations and how they not only affect our own individual lives, but also the lives of those we love most, and even the lives of those we will never meet. "His Sins" makes us remembrr that what we do is important, and what we feel is even more so.

Helen Edwards, M.Ed
Mental Health Therapist

His Sins Summary - Fiction

“His Sins” is a three-generation family saga about how the actions of one member of a family can be felt, and continue to be felt, by future generations.

Part I – Alexander and Janet – Alexander, at eighteen years of age, is determined to leave the mine; a mine that is killing his father. At 38 years old, his father is already coughing up phlegm and coal dust. Alexander’s anger becomes intensified with the eventual early death of his father and the stillborn birth of their first born child causing yet another delay in his ability to leave the mine. He finally manages, along with Janet, to leave their mining community in Scotland for a new world where they believe that the streets are lined with gold. In the Peace River District of Canada, he finds that riches are not everywhere as he had thought. Realizing that disappointment and bad luck has continued to follow and haunt him wherever he has traveled, he takes his anger and bitterness out on his family.

Part II – Elsa, Alexander and Janet’s daughter, was conceived on a night when Alexander, while in a drunken state, had taken Janet without thought for the pain he was inflicting upon her. She is loved by neither father nor mother. As a result she grows up where loneliness is her constant companion becoming the one who bears the brunt of her parents’ frustration and anger. Because of the lack of love shown by her parents, Elsa is completely lacking in self-esteem placing her in a vulnerable position. As a result she marries a man, much like her father, who is happy to have a wife that can be so easily controlled. And while raising seven children, she remains completely under his thumb, always fearful and intimidated.

Part III – Sarah Ann, second child of Elsa and Peter, is born with spunk. She is spirited and determined. Watching her father’s treatment of her mother, she quickly resolves to never allow herself to be treated in such a way by any man, ever.

As she grows older, appearing to be unscathed by her parents’ dysfunctional relationship, she happily dates telling all that marriage holds no interest for her. Until she meets Adam! It is then she realizes that her family history has had an affect upon her as well. As Adam becomes more serious, she discovers that her issues of “trust” and especially “commitment” are problems she will have to overcome if she doesn’t want to lose Adam forever. Is she able to resolve her dilemma?

“His Sins” is a story about families and relationships; about what the results can be of one person’s actions on another. It is also a story about the power of the human personality and how adversity can be overcome with strength and determination. Although it tells of bitterness and resentment, it also speaks of love.

His Sins Preview III

Part III Sarah Ann

Chapter I

* * * * * * * *

Sarah Ann sipped her wine as she watched Adam over the rim of her glass. Knowing that he sensed there was something wrong, she was apprehensive about what he might say to her and how she would answer. She didn't enjoy serious conversations where she was put in the position of having to explain her actions. And she especially didn't want to have to explain why she was backing away from their relationship.

Laying down his knife and fork, Adam picked up his glass of wine and looked across the table at Sarah Ann. The smile had disappeared from his face.

"Do you want to tell me what's bothering you? I know you well enough to know there's something going on in that pretty head of yours. How will we be able to have a relationship if we're not going to be able to talk about things that bother us? Have I said or done something to offend you?"

Sarah Ann could feel the heat in her cheeks spread to her neck. "It's nothing you're said or done Adam. You're a great person."

"If I'm great, why do I get the feeling that you're pulling away from me? I felt it as soon as I asked if you wanted to join me when I go to Prince George. I thought we had something special going but now I'm confused."

Sarah Ann looked unhappily at her plate. The seafood, which she normally loved, looked unappetizing and she felt nauseous as she considered how she was going to answer him. Confused, she didn't want to lose what they had but she was also afraid of where the relationship might take her.

She was very attracted to Adam but her feelings for him were much stronger than what she was comfortable with. She was beginning to get that closed in feeling that she had experienced in the past when she was in a relationship that was getting too serious. Normally when this feeling hit her, she was off and running. But she didn't really want to do a disappearing act this time but she couldn't stay either.

Although she didn't like the feeling of not being in control of her emotions, she also didn't want to lose what they had either. She had to admit to herself that she enjoyed how Adam treated her, how he made her feel special, the fun they had when they were together, the things they had in common and how they could talk for hours.

His Sins Preview II

Part II Elsa

Chapter I

Walking aboard the C.P.R. Ferry from the downtown Vancouver wharf, Elsa clutched her battered old cardboard suitcase tightly. She had the beginnings of a hard lump in the pit of her stomach. Waving at Katrin, she leaned on the railing of the outer deck, letting the icy wind whip at her hair. As the vessel moved further out into the water, she watched the deep troughs of waves following behind as it made a wide arc, gradually leaving the wharf, and Katrin, far behind. She might have been crossing the ocean back to Scotland, so lonely did she feel.

Seagulls screeched overhead, occasionally landing on the railing nearby. Wrapping her coat more tightly around her body for warmth, she remain on the deck, not wanting to go into the interior of the crowded ship. She preferred instead to be alone with her misery.

Her parting from Katrin had been difficult with each girl promising to write every day. Elsa and Elizabeth had parted with hugs and promises of letters but Elsa knew that Elizabeth, with her active social life, would have little time for writing.

Her father had made no comment when she had told him about the job she had secured for herself and had barely acknowledged her farewell. Hrr mother had awkwardly kissed her eldest daughter on the cheek and Elsa had smiled wryly when she realized it was the first kiss she ever remembered receiving from her mother. Even Katrin's parents' farewell had been more affectionate than her own family's had been when they had said goodbye. This fact had not bothered Elsa and nor was it a surprise.

She was to be met at the Ferry in Nanaimo and then would be driving to the inland logging camp further up the island. Mrs. Clarkson, the lady she would be working for, had said that it was a two hour drive from the Ferry and to be prepared for the rough ride.

"For the most part," she had said, "the logging roads are barely cleared enough for the logging trucks that travel back and forth constantly. I only go when I have to and now with another baby coming, it's not worth the trip."

Elsa had never travelled to Vancouver Island before and in spite of the biting cold and her extreme nervousness about the task before her, she discovered that she was beginning to enjoy the ferry ride. She was to be responsible for the care of three small children, as well as household duties. The care of a small baby would be exciting too, she expected.

"The meals will not be your responsibility," Mrs. Clarkson had written, "but all of the other duties of running the household will be expected. My husband is very particular about his meals so I will be preparing them myself." Her duties did not overly concern Elsa because she was used to work but she wondered what her employers would be like.

Would Mrs. Clarkson be a difficult mistress? And Mr. Clarkson? Would he be friendly? Maybe even too friendly? Elsa was particularly shy and uncomfortable around men and for that reason was more concerned aout her meeting with Mr. Clarkson than she was about meeting his wife. As the ferry ploughed its way through the water to Nanaimo, Elsa had many questions running through her head.

After the Ferry had docked, she walked out to the passenger loading area and saw a bright red pick-up truck with 'Anmore Logging Inc,' stencilled onto the side in bold black lettering. A man of perhaps fifty stood beside the truck, a haze of purple smoke circling his head. He had black curly hair, streaked with gray and what appeared to be a two or three day gtowth of whiskers on his weathered face. His eyes were alert and intelligent as he watched a group of small children playing, a paternal and good-natured smile hovering on his lips. Elsa walked timidly towards him. "Mar. Morrison?"

His Sins Preview I

Part I Alexander and Janet

Chapter I

Alexander sat, sullen and silent, a brooding scowl etched on the forehead of his young face. It gave him the appearance of having aged prematurely. His icy hands circled the mug of steaming sweet tea while he watched from beneath hooded eyelids. Seething with anger, he saw his father double over in a bout of uncontrollable coughing, the phlegm heavy in the older man's congested chest. After the spasm had passed, his father sat up and wipping the beads of sweat from his face with the back of his coal-blackened hand, he reached for his own mug of the hot sweet black tea. Swallowing the tea in great, hurried gulps, fearful of being late for his shift in the pit, he began another bout of strangled coughing. Looking away, Alexander was no longer able to watch his father.

At only thirty-eight years of age, his father gave the appearance of being a much older man, as did most of the men who spent their lives in the mine. 'The mine will kill him,' Alexander thought bitterly, unable to hide the anger he felt at his father's acceptance of what life had dealt him, 'but it'll not be getting me.'

Turning to face his father, his thoughts focused, as they were every morning, on how much he hated going down into the pit. 'Why dinna he try to better himself and make life better for the family? He dinna care 'bout leaving the mine but I'll not stay a minute longer than I've got to,' Alexander vowed under his breath while his father continued to gasp for air.

"Give over with you and help your Da," his mother cuffed him on the side of the head. Her shrill voice caused him to purse his lips tightly together knowing that whatever he would answer in response would only earn him another cuff for his effort.

"There's naught wrong with me, Elsa. We'd best be leaving now, lad." He picked up his meal bucket, the tally lamp and flask of pit oi. Alexander followed him with the ricketty and the black pwder.

"You help your Da now," his mother's harsh voice followed him into the cold morning air. "He don't need no lazy lump of a son when he's feelin' poorly."

By the time they reached the entrance to the mine, having pedalled on their bicyles in the freezing rain, Alexander's clothes were as damp as his spirits. 'No point in worrying none about it with water running in all of the seams too,' he thought bitterly. Alexander was never dry enough, warm enough or full enough. It was five a.m. and the night was still as black as he knew the inside of the coal mine would be at the bottom of the shaft.

No one spoke as the miners were lowered three thousand feet into the bowels of the earth. Each one silent, and each one dreading the thought of yet another gruelling day, knowing that this day could be their last.

Alexander worked with his father in their own area of the mine and today they were working in a coal seam that was only twenty inches in depth. Alexander crept along behind his father holding the tally lamp as high as possible, it being the only means of lighting their way. He could hear one of the mine's ponies snorting in the distance in their underground stable. Alexander knew that the lives of the ponies were no better than his or his father's, or any of the other miners that worked each day in the mines.

"The ricketty, lad," his father reached behind him and Alexander handed the older man the small hand drill so he could make holes in the coal seam which he would then fill with explosives and a long fuse. "The black powder now, lad."

When the explosives were set, Alexander backed quickly out of the seam, closely followed by his father. Alexander always said a thankful prayer that his father always knew exactly how much black powder to put into each drilled hole. He didn't want his life shortened before he could get out of this black hell-hole.

He had plans and, unlike his father, they didn't include spending the rest of his life under the ground breathing in coal dust until his skin turned gray and coughing up his insides by the time he was thirty-five. He was only eighteen and he'd already been down in the mine for four years. 'Four years too long,' Alexander often thought as he worked silently beside his father beneath the unforgiving earth.

Each time they heard the series of explosions go off, they crawled back into the seams with their picks. It was Alexander's job to load the tubs with the coal and push it along the underground rail. By the time he had pushed it to the end of the haulage line and placed their identifying pin in the tub, the sweat was running down the inside of his already damp shirt. He retrieved an empty tub and brought it back to the opening of the seam. By the time he returned to where his father was chipping at the coal with his pick, Akexander had cooled off and was shivering again. He constantly alternated between freezing cold or drippiing sweat. He wiped his runny nose with the back of his hand and renewed his deep hatred for the mine.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

How to Have a Positive Outlook on Life

We all want to live our lives in the best way possible; to be happy, successful, healthy and loved. We can only do this by having a positive outlook. How do we learn to have a positive outlook when so many around us are negative?

When we are positive, we can be motivated towards goals because we know within ourselves that we can succeed. When we are positive we can live the life we want and empower ourselves to accomplish what we want to do. Most of the things that happen in our lives are not luck; they happen because we have worked towards them whether it is with a positive attitude or a negative one. Whatever we give in life, we will get back.

The following quote explains clearly what a positive outlook can do for us:
'The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible.' Author unknown.

Those who have negative outlooks will in all likelihood be depressed, frustrated and sad. If you're determined that you'll never be able to succeed, that stumbling blocks surround you and that the world is against you, you will be absolutely right. Those with negative outlooks usually have problems with jobs, relationships and their health. An acquaintance of mine who is constantly in the doldrums, has many health issues and although they are not serious, they give her more reasons for complaint. She has difficulties with friends as well as family and has not settled into a steady job for the last fifteen years. That is what negativity has done to her life.

For those with positive attitudes even if something bad happens such as breaking a leg, they don't whine about it. They go about the business of healing. Thinking positively helps to overcome problems. Positive people see the bright side of most situations and create their own reality.

How can we become positive thinkers?
- we can eliminate any negative influences from our life and encourage relationships with positive friends;
- exercise will work wonders when negative thinking threatens to engulf us;
- humor helps us to be more positive. How can we be negative when we're laughing;
- focus on things that make us happy rather than those that upset us;
- smile at others even if you don't feel like it. Most people will smile back and their return smile will make your day brighter;
- focus on others rather than ourselves;
- accept and be happy with who we are;
- don't consider yourself a victim, you only are if you think you are;
- look for opportunities and respond to them;
- be proactive in your approach to success;
- have a clear vision of your goal and how to get there;
- do not wallow in self-pity.

With a positive outlook life improves and doors of opportunity will open. Those with positive attitudes have better health and increased longevity, and they have better problem-solving and coping skills. They create energy.

The following quote is one most positive people would probably agree with:

'Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.' Abraham Lincoln

For those with negative outlooks life could be long, miserable and unhappy. But for those with positive attitudes, life can and will be interesting and fun and one you will be happy to greet each morning upon rising.