Parenting - The Power of Praise

Praise to children can feel like a soft kiss, a gentle hug or of being enveloped in love, if it is given in the proper way and at the correct time. Drowning a child in empty praise will cause even a small child to question your sincerity and the reasons why you feel you have to do it. Praise, when properly used, can prepare a child for a lifetime of success.

Praise by parents is often an emotional reaction to something a child has done well. It shows appreciation. If it is good loving attention and compliments, not the leaping through hoops kind of praise, children will feel good about themselves. According to some studies, it will build up their confidence and self-esteem and will motivate them towards further achievement. It is a gift for a job well done. My father was very good at this type of praise and I can still remember the feelings of being loved that it instilled in me.

As a parent I also tried to pass this type of praise on to my own children, and knowing how I felt, tried to give them the same feelings of love and sense of self-confidence. However, when praise is overdone, it becomes valueless and defeats the whole purpose of praise. By giving children the strength to recognize their strengths, they realize that they are in control of what they can accomplish.

It's also important to remember that the same praise will not work for every child because each child has their own strengths and talents and most importantly, their own unique personality.

Positive praise is based on specific behaviors that focus on accomplishments and encourages them to focus on what they have done well which will allow them to try again and to keep on trying. It is positive reinforcement and affirms their strengths and individual talents.

Based on studies, indications show that negative praise is voiced as an expectation, i.e.: you're the prettiest girl in your class, or you're the smartest boy in your class. Children will feel pressured with this type of praise. Praise should be about their good qualities but not as compared with other children. Also, negative comments made about a child, i.e.: he is so shy, she never tries to do anything new, he has so much trouble making new friends – if done within the hearing of the child, will almost always ensure that they live up to these opinions about themselves because they will think it is true. And praise should never have anything to do with their value as a person, i.e.: you did a good job this time, much better than last time. With praise like that a child may never want to try again in case the result is the same as last time.

If praise flows through a child offering him or her encouragement and love, the feelings of self-confidence and self-esteem can only grow, allowing them as they get older, the ability to internally validate themselves. Researchers feel that those who learn to internally validate themselves will grow up being able to know themselves when they have done a good job without the necessity of praise.