Have Boomers Adversely Influenced Succeeding Generations?

While some may perceive the boomer generation as being self-centered and problem children, without the boomers where would civil rights be? Or womens' liberation?

Many boomers wholeheartedly embrace the environment and their desire to keep it intact for their children. This began with the hippie movement of the Sixties. And while many may consider the boomers too left in their ideology, without them would there still be people riding in the back of buses? Would women still be considered the inferior sex?

Some may also believe that without the boomers there would be no war in Iraq. But there have been wars long before the boomer generation was ever born. Wars are about money and politics and in earlier years about religion. Many also believe that the boomers will be an economic drain on society. But many boomers plan to continue working at least part time and those that have money to spend are avid consumers and travellers putting money back into the economy.

Many boomers are health conscious and with their interest in diet, exercise and their wish to keep their brains active, hopefully age-related diseases will be held at bay somewhat compared to the generation ahead of them.

The boomer generation for the most part value family although many do have a liberal view of marijuana usage. Boomers and their offspring tend to have more intergenerational harmony than that which existed with their own parents where there was often a great divide. Miles apart in their musical interests and other things, they often had little in common.

The boomers brought about rock and roll; a type of music still loved, listened to and sang by succeeding generations. Even very young children will sing a Beattle's song. When the boomers were young, no one sang along with Frank Sinatra or Bing Crosby. I believe the rock and roll the boomers enjoyed in the Fifties and Sixties will endure.

Boomers influence because of their sheer numbers but as a group, particularly as they grow older, their opinions are quite diverse. Many have become very conservative. Leaving their love beads, long hair and their desire to live from the land behind, they got the call of money and entered universities, eventually donning their suits and ties.

So have boomers had a bad influence on the succeeding generation? Have they made it difficult for the generation to follow? Did they take more than they gave? If you look at the previous generation, the boomers were left with the aftermath of a Great War, and the Cold War that followed. Yes, the boomers have lived during affluent times but can some credit go to them for their good work ethics and their hard working mentality? If boomers wanted something, they were quite willing to work for it. They have never expected anything to be handed to them. Many things might be better because of them. No one will ever know for sure.

The Boomer Generation and Their Future

Boomers are better educated, healthier, more culturally literate and more discerning consumers than the previous generation and as such they will determine their future in a new way also.

Boomers at sixty-five are no longer considered old. In many cases they don't look it and they don't act it. In one study, the senior years have been broken into sub-groups of aging where sixty-five to seventy-four year olds are considered the young-old, seventy-four to eighty-four is considered getting old and over eighty-five is the oldest of the old. So based on that, those boomers who are approaching sixty-five can still consider themselves young.

The boomer generation, as opposed to previous generations, have very different characteristics. They like to be physically active by biking, swimming, skiing, bowling and maybe even sailing if the opportunity arises. They will continue to be intellectually active and many when they retire from their regular careers will have their own in-home offices with high speed internet and plans of pursuing their own businesses so that they can continue to live a comfortable lifestyle.

Boomers are looking forward to achieving new successes, learning new skills, visiting new places, developing new friendships and strengthening family relationships. This is an opportunity for them to try a career they have always wanted. With internet they can become infopreneurs sharing their wealth of information or they may turn a hobby into a business. Whatever they choose to do, it will be something they have dreamed about.

They can enjoy flex-retirement and make plans to accomplish what they want and haven't had time to do before. Some, with their quest for learning, may decide to finish a degree, to learn a new language or an instrument or they may travel. May feel too young and vibrant to want to retire to a retirement community.

Many boomers are unwilling to be stigmatized by age and will seek out transgenerational designs to assist them when their mobility becomes an issue. Life expectancy is at an all-time high with the expectation that this will continue to be the case. Women continue to outlive men and it is estimated that by the time they reach the age of eighty-five there are two times as many women as men even though there are one hundred and five male births to every one hundred female births.

People over sixty-five will soon outnumber children under five. There are now more people sixty-five and older than the populations of Russia, Japan, France, Germany and Australia combined. The United States has more people over sixty-five than the total population of Canada.

I suspect that boomers will deny the relentless advance of aging and will live their lives accordingly continuing to believe that they still have all the world and time before them. And as long as their health remains, they will be invincible.

The Boomer Generation and Aging Parents

The boomer generation is often considered the sandwich generation as they care for their aging parents and children and grandchildren. Caregiving aging parents is challenging as much for the caregiver as for the care recipient.

There is a roller coaster of emotions as we attempt to parent our parents – a role reversal as we try to make decisions regarding legal, financial and medical issues. There are many concerns, the least not being how to keep a parent from driving when the need becomes apparent. In this I was fortunate because my mother was cognitive enough to realize when she was no longer able to drive.

As caregivers to our parents it is important to provide emotional support, keep in regular contact with phone calls and visits, help them stay socially connected, ensure that they have entertainment opportunities, do their grocery shopping if needed, take them to doctor's and other appointments, ensure that there are necessary handrails, no loose rugs and that all safety concerns are looked after. It is important also to be apprised of our parents' medications.

We must be aware of changes in their routine, i.e.: sleeping more than they normally do, skipping meals, not being concerned with hygiene, sudden weight loss or gain, mood swings, problems with memory, depression or anxiety.

We also, in our role as caregivers to our elderly parents, are in a position where it is necessary to deal with problems associated with end of life issues. This is a very difficult time for not only the parent but their child/caregiver. It is a time when both know there isn't much time left and both may realize that some things were left too late. When caring for my mother I found this the most difficult aspect although she had made it somewhat easier by leaving a Living Will which took the onus off me for making those most difficult of decisions. There were things I wished I had talked about and as she stared at me near the end I knew there were things she would have liked to have said as well.

As the sandwich generation, we are forced to think about our own aging as we look after our parents and how we will manage with our own care as we age. Will we be able to retain our own independence? Will we be able to retain our mobility for a longer period of time? Will we be able to stave off cognitive problems that will cause us to be more dependent on others?

We become very aware as we care for our elderly parents how important it is to live a healthy lifestyle and to make efforts to ensure that we remain cognitively alert by doing all in our power to keep our brains active. Many age-related diseases can be slowed or prevented with a good diet and regular exercise. But I believe keeping our brains active is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves. Another is continuing to have an 'I can', 'I will' attitude that the boomer generation has always had.

The Boomer Generation and Their Health

According to studies done recently in the United States, heart disease has dropped by sixty percent, strokes by seventy percent and the death rate for cancer by ten percent. Is the boomer generation aging more slowly because of healthy habits?

Most boomers strive to have a healthy aging process. This generation has the biggest increase in marathon runners and many have gym memberships. Many are concerned about controlling their weight, most practice good nutrition to combat the negative effects of aging, many use supplements and natural rememedies such as taking Vitamin D, C and the B vitamins to increase energy, mental focus and their health. Many of the boomer generation are proactive about their health, stimulate their brain with activities, projects, travel and work. Protecting themselves from the sun is another consideration as is their consciousness about cholesterol and blood pressure levels. Many in this generation don't smoke and drink less than the other generations. And many eat a diet that will protect them against diabetes. The majority are concerned about having more control over their health care as they age.

Most baby boomers are more socially and physically active than their parents were at the same age. Many are into yoga, walking and other forms of exercise and those who are more adventuresome are enjoying kayaking and hiking.

For the boomer generation there is a concern about whether the many services necessary for people as they age will be unavailable. The deteriorating health care system with long hospital waits, shortage of doctors and nurses and the general lack of facilities will be unavailable to a population that by 2025 will total almost one out of every four people.

The baby boomer generation have an 'I can', 'I will' attitude with a strong sense of determination. They use technology to increase their ability to obtain information that will help them help themselves. Internet helps them to make smarter decisions about their health care, allows them to connect with others who have experienced specific health problems, lets them research health questions, obtain services, look for doctors, research medicines and to track their own health conditions.

Most boomers desire to age in place which is to remain in their own homes and live independently as long as they are able to do so. Aging in place will depend largely on their health situation, memory difficulties and mobility problems.

Boomers are obsessed with age and see health and fitness as a way of slowing down the aging process. Few will admit to being seniors and many will only reluctantly admit to middle age. Many dress accordingly. In their parents' generation few women wore their hair long and loose on their shoulders past the age of forty. Now you see ladies approaching seventy with long flowing tresses.

Many will work longer, not only for financial reasons, but often as a need for identity and the wish to avoid the retirement pit and the thought of being considered 'old' by the younger generation.

The Boomer Generation

The boomer generation is like no other generation in history. Born between 1946 and 1964, we have rejected many of the traditional values. We have lived together without the benefit of marriage, women have chosen to bear children with no plans of marrying their child's father, the divorce rate has sky rocketed and more women are in the work force than ever before, often earning more than their male counterparts.

But we have been the healthiest and the wealthiest of any previous generation. We have expectations, know what we want and are convinced that we shall receive - in most cases. Boomers control over eighty percent of all personal financial assets and have more than fifty percent of all discretionary spending power. We spend seventy-seven percent of all prescription drugs and do eighty percent of all leisure travel. Approximately forty percent of all boomers left their parents' religion.

We are the first generation to grow up with television, become involved in protests, sexual freedom, drug experimentation, the civil rights movement and the womens' movement, bringing about many changes; we rejected authority and have begun to fight for the environment. We have witnessed the assassination of J.F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Jr., the Vietnam War and seen the first American land on the moon. We welcomed rock and roll, Elvis Presley, Buddy Holly and Woodstock. And we have been influenced by all of these things.

Those in the boomer generation for the most part have a strong work ethic, are hard workers, are self-reliant, competitive and have not been afraid of confrontation. They believed they could bring about change and they have.

We were raised in the years of the innocence of the Fifties, followed by the Sixties, an age of discontentment as more and more mothers joined the work force and the traditional family began to die a slow death. The turbulence of the Sixties defined the early boomers generation. The Seventies produced activists. Divorce peaked at fifty percent in 1979. The Eighties was the beginning of technology with the birth of the personal computer. During the Nineties HIV/Aids left an impact on the generation with many newly divorced boomers out dating again.

We now represent 26.75 percent of the American population but some of us can still use a hula hoop. We are better educated than our parents. Over seventy percent of all boomers are technologically proficient. We are healthier and have a higher life expectancy. Most baby boomers have no intention of sitting in a rocking chair and whiling away the hours. We are busy, active and have many plans for our future.

Boomers have not let life happen to them as so many other generations have. We have taken control of our own lives and to a large degree have determined our own destinies as near as we are able to do.

How the Boomer Generation View Themselves

The Boomer Generation view themselves as being much younger than their parents did at the same age. Sixty-five is not considered to be old by many Boomers. It is the beginning of a new life – for some it's freedom to travel and be adventurous, for others it may be starting their own long dreamed of businesses or new careers.

Many, men as well as women, are style and appearance conscious. These Boomers will exercise with a passion and deny the fact of their aging. They will look for ways to continue to appear young. They will exfoliate their skin, use facial masks, use B vitamins, flax seed oil and do facial exercises. They will keep their skin hydrated and eat grapes, honey, fruits and nuts. They will search to discover ways to reduce eye puffiness and sill work towards getting rid of cellulite. They will use injections to help eliminate the lines in their skin. No other generation before us has done this.

They try to keep their bodies active by taking yoga or Zumba classes and their minds by learning new dance steps, an instrument or a new language. A one hundred year old man was recently on the news for having completed a marathon. Although he isn't in the Boomer generation, that is the mentality of many Boomers. It is an 'I can do it' mantra.

For some they fly south to become Snow Birds in the winter months to enjoy life in the warm sun while others look after aging parents who have also lived longer than their parents before them.

But whatever path they have chosen to take, they will do it. They are goal oriented and independent but they are also the 'sandwich generation' and as such many of them will become caregivers for the previous generation.

The Elderly and Dementia

Dementia is the decline of cognitive functions, reasoning and the loss of long and short-term memory. It will impair such activities as driving, doing household chores and personal care and hygiene.

Although it was once considered a normal part of aging, we now know that it is caused by such things as underlying medical conditions but it is most common in the elderly. After 85 years of age, almost half of all adults will have it to some degree.

This decline in intellectual functioning will almost certainly have a negative impact on the quality of life and on relationships. It can affect how people think and it usually gets worse over time.

Dementia is caused by damage or changes to the brain which includes strokes, tumors or head injuries. Strokes are the most common cause, called vascular dementia. Other health issues such as Parkinson's Disease, Huntington's Disease, HIV/Aids, Multiple Sclerosis and Diabetes play a part in dementia. Also an under active thyroid gland, not getting enough B12, reactions to medications or poor blood circulation to the brain which can be a result of smoking is detrimental. Over use of alcohol can also create dementia-like symptoms as can depression which can affect the memory.

The first symptom is usually memory loss. Other symptoms include difficulty understanding words, getting lost in places they know well, inability to make a list and go shopping, confusion, forgetfulness, lack of interest in life thereby becoming anti-social. In most cases they will cease to look after themselves and their homes as the dementia progresses. There may occasionally be some aggressiveness, a tendency towards being argumentative or even violence.

To diagnose a patient, a doctor will first do a physical examination, ask questions and do memory and other mental tests. They will also probably do blood tests, an MRI and a CT scan. There is a medication which can be taken which will slow the progress of dementia.

It will be important for the dementia sufferer to have an active social life, to exercise, to watch their weight, control blood pressure and cholesterol levels and to keep their body, and most importantly, their mind active.

As a family member we can help by putting a list of important numbers by the telephone and by installing handrails in the bathroom. It will be very important to ensure that a family member who is suffering from dementia is not allowed to become isolated.

But most importantly, it is necessary to keep the mind and body active while still young to help delay the beginning signs of dementia. Being proactive by doings things to delay what may later be is better than later trying to control what already is.

When Does Assisted Living Become Necessary and What to Look For

When it becomes apparent that an Assisted Living facility may be necessary it will be important to determine which one is baest for your needs based on your physical and financial requirements as well as your lifestyle. This will include how much help is needed, what can be afforded and how close it is to family and friends.

What indications are that will determine the need to look for Assisted Living facilities?

- It is ideal for those who may require help with meal preparations, doing their housekeeping, showering, and remembering to take their medications.
- Not eating properly as my mother did by having pork 'n' beans or canned tomatoes over toast or soup. Even when I cooked meals for her, she preferred to open a can.
- Falling frequently is another indication. When my mother fell in the bathroom, pulling the towel rod off the wall and hitting her shoulder on the tub, we knew we had to think of other options. She had had other falls but this was the worst. Bruising will be a tell-tale sign.
- When minimal, or no housekeeping is being done.
- Forgetting to take medications. This is usually a result of memory loss.
- Confusion and strange behaviour. On one visit to my mother's place, she had a pot on the stove with the burner on beneath it. She said she was drying the pot. My mother was an extremely intelligent woman so this was definitely strange behaviour for her.
- When isolation and loneliness become a factor and help is required, an assisted living facility becomes the ideal choice because they receive the help they need but are still able to retain their independence.

What are some of the things to do when choosing this type of facility?

- Visit several in the area of your choice to get a feel for the place. Is it homey? Does it feel comfortable? Is it close to friends and family?
- Assess how the staff interact with the residents. Do they take the time to talk to them or are they rushed? Are they warm and friendly?
- Is there enough staff, especially at busy times such as meals and when medications are necessary.
- Speak to as many residents as possible to determine whether they are happy living there.
- Ask a lot of questions of both the residents and the staff to get as much information as possible before making a decision.
- Check to see if there have been any complaints about the facility.
- Ask to see certification inspection reports.
- Ask to see the Resident Agreement which outlines services, prices, staffing, extra charges and house rules. Do they charge extra for assistance with showers, toilet needs or giving medications, etc. Determine what their obligation is as well as your own.
- Are there extra services and assistance such as a manicurit, hairdresser or podiatrist?
- Is there a 24 hour response system in each unit?
- Is there security on the doors?
- Are there handrails in the hallways and bathrooms, are the hallways and elevators wide enough to allow for walkers and wheelchairs?
- Do they clean the rooms and do laundry? Is the facility in general, clean and well maintained?
- Do they have cable and telephone hook-up in each unit and if so, is there an additional cost?
- Do they consider and accommodate dietary needs?
- Do they allow overnight guests and are residents allowed to keep their pets?
- What activities are available for the residents? Do they have regular bus trips?
- Eat a meal there to determine the quality of food and whether staff give assistance if necessary.
- Is there another level of care provided when more care is required than what is offered in an Assisted Living facility? My mother lived in a place that offered three levels of care.
- Try to determine by talking to residents what the staff turnover rate is?

There is a lot to be considered when looking for an Assisted Living facility because it is a stressful change for elderly people. None of us like changes so it is important to make the best choice at the beginning before a move is made.

Are There More Challenges for Youth Raised in Single Parent Homes Than in Two-Parent Families?

At-risk youth are those who engage in sexual behavior and drug and alcohol use. But is at-risk behavior because of these problems or does it have more to do with the family structure and dynamics rather than the fact of being raised in a single parent home?

Dysfunction can be found in single parent families as well as blended families and original two-parent families. Poor parenting is not limited to single parents. According to studies, there is no doubt that family dysfunction creates a risk for juvenile delinquency. But it goes even deeper than that. Risk factors can be also based on individual characteristics of the child such as their personality and temperament, their peers and the community.

When considering family dysfunction, parental alcohol and drug abuse, anti-social parents, family conflicts, poor parenting practices, verbal, emotional or sexual abuse, low income levels, poor neighborhoods, crime in the area, the presence of youth gangs and mental health issues are all problems contributing to high risk youth.

Poor parenting includes lack of supervision, over permissiveness, inconsistent discipline, no clear limits, parent-child conflict, parents involved in criminal activities, excessive punishment and little interest or affection shown to the child. All of these can result in hyperactivity, aggressiveness and poor academic performance in young children with more serious consequences as they get older. Sixty-three percent of boys with a father involved in criminal activity are at-risk. Those who have witnessed violence in the home are 2.2 times more likely to be aggressive and at-risk.

According to some studies, it is believed that children of single parents are only considered to be more at-risk because of the potential for financial vulnerability, the chances of possibly living in a poorer neighborhood and perhaps having less supervision. But the connection seems to be almost non-existent where serious offenses are concerned only being somewhat stronger regarding classroom discipline and other behavioral problems.

There are ways, however, of mitigating these risks to youth whether they come from single parent families, blended families or two-parent families. They include having involved and supportive parents, harmonious family relationships, parents who practice appropriate parenting, those that give adequate supervision, sufficient affection, where the family is involved in extracurricular and school activities and when respect is shown to others by their parents. Other factors include the level of parental education and community relationships as a family. Single parent families with the above protective factors are no more at-risk than other families.

According to the latest Census in Canada, for the first time married people are in the minority but the youth crime rate has gone down six percent from a decade earlier. Based on these statistics, I believe youth can be at-risk in any family that does not practice protective measures to keep their children safe.

Second Marriages and Stepchildren

Stepchildren and second marriages do not automatically go together like cake and ice cream at a birthday party. It can be more like the frustration of running out of gas when you're twenty minutes from a gas station and you're already late for work.

But like most problems, there are things that can be done when you have stepchildren and still be able to enjoy a relatively cohesive second marriage. The first thing is to have understanding and to realize that anything worth having takes time and hard work. Also, realize that realistic expectations will be knowing that:

- a blended family will not be an instant, loving family;
- the stepchildren will not automatically love you;
- they will not necessarily respect and obey you;
- may not be fair in their treatment of you;
- they will probably not think and behave like adults;
- the children's biological parent will not always agree with your point of view;
- the biological parent may not think you are being as fair with their children as your own;
- there is likely to be problems with non-custodial biological parents around holiday time, special events and school activities;
- you may have to live up to the memories of a deceased parent or spouse;
- the biological parent may not believe the step-parent is as affectionate with their children as they should be;
- you or your spouse may have feelings of being left out, feeling jealous or possibly resentful of your partner's children, possibly even disliking them because of the strong connection the biological parent has with their own children.

Before the marriage it is important that the couple consider the following in order to avoid power struggles and misunderstandings after they get married:

- Talk about your relationship – its strengths and any concerns you may have.
- Learn some communication and conflict resolution skills. Open communication will help with most difficulties.
- Talk about money and how each handles money. Are you on the same page with how you will handle the family finances?
- How do you deal with disagreements?
- How do you envision spending your leisure time?
- Discuss personality issues like being tidy or messy, organized or disorganized, stable or impulsive.
- Have a plan in place for how to handle the rough spots.
- Discuss how averse the children are to this new union, the difficulties there will be in creating a happy family unit and how to handle any problems.
- Discuss together how each of the stepchildren are feeling and why they feel the way they do.
- Decide not to rush into the marriage before potential problems have been discussed and a solution reached.

Following the marriage have family meetings when problems arise. Build positive encounters with stepchildren and initially don't discipline them until trust has been established. Leave the disciplining to the biological parent. With all things considered, choose your battles wisely. Blended families can be very complicated with numerous grandparents, aunts and uncles as well as step-siblings.

With so many people involved, it is particularly important to keep tempers checked, patience on high and the doors to communication wide open.

Adjusting to Living in a Blended Family

Blended families don't have to be the Cinderella type of family but they're not likely to be the Brady Bunch either. At least, certainly not in the beginning and maybe not even after several years of togetherness.

Common sense will be one of the necessary prerequisites for successfully blending a family. This includes being kind to each other, as we are with friends and even those we've just met. Why then not with those in our stepfamily? Treat others as you would like to be treated, be polite, be respectful, try to be understanding of each others feelings, be patient and don't lose your temper. Would you lose your temper with a work colleague or a classmate? Be willing to try to get along, have a good attitude, be positive and be accepting. And be sure to offer praise even if what you are praising is not as good as you wanted it to be, praise the effort instead. Be forgiving.

The quote, 'United we stand, divided we fall', has been used by many throughout history. This is an apt quote for a blended family to remember to help them work together. It will also be important to have house rules – the same for everyone, parents included. Other things that are important when trying to blend two families together is to encourage laughter, try not to allow scenarios that may set step-siblings up to be competitive, i.e.: have an equal amount of pictures displayed of all the children in the house. (you may think no one is going to count but they will); make sure that all children have equally nice rooms, have equal opportunities for conversation and equal praise or at the very least encouragement.

Other things which will help with the transition is to be courteous, talk with each stepchild about their interests so some type of rapport over time can be developed and, encourage positive dinner discussions, i.e.: about school, their friends, what they'd like to do, where they'd like to go, etc.

Ensure that the house is full of love and that affection is readily shown. With children it is the little things that count, things such as a smile, a gentle touch, a kind word, blowing a kiss, respecting their abilities and of course, telling them you love them often. Children who know they are loved don't have to prove their worth, they will develop self-esteem and have confidence. Those are the children who are better able to work through changes in their lives.

As time goes by, many families with stepchildren will be close-knit. But like any family, there may be tensions and problems, but this is normal. How it's handled will be the difference in whether it is a big problem or a small one.

I believe the following quote by Scott Stanley is a perfect motto for a blended family: 'The challenge is to help couples turn 'I do' into 'we can'.'

Another quote by Ruth Bell Graham is a good one to remember also: 'A good marriage is the union of two forgivers.'

How To Bond With Stepchildren

Bonding with stepchildren is not easy. It should be set at the child's pace. Don't rush the child, give him/her time and be patient. But there are still many things a step-parent can do to bond with their stepchildren.

It will take time to get to know your stepchildren so that you can eventually love them – love takes time to grow. But you can still be affectionate, if not physically then by telling a child what a good job they did, how proud you are of them and thanking them for things they have done. Some children are not comfortable with physical affection but will thrive on the praise you give them. Let the child establish how much hands-on affection they are comfortable with. Give children space and time. Keep an open heart and realistic expectations.

It is important to give stepchildren time alone with their biological parent, allow them to keep their loyalties for their non-custodial biological parent and never criticize that parent. Respect the child's boundaries and don't appear to be disapproving – you can't force a child's affection. Let the child set the pace for your relationship. Often the relationship between the child and his biological parent will determine to a degree how well the step-parent will be able to bond.

Step-parents will likely bond with younger children more easily than with their older siblings. It has been suggested that children under five years of age may take a couple of years to adjust to a step-parent but older children could take the amount of time as the age they are, i.e.: a seven year old boy could take seven years to feel a connection with a step-parent. Teenagers may never bond; a friendship may be the best a step-parent will be able to expect. But with realistic expectations, this can be good too.

Be interested in what they're interested in, offer to assist them with their homework but don't push, share your talents and skills with your stepchildren if they are interested but again, don't insist. Do fun things together and treat all children equally, both biological and stepchildren. Each child should appear to be loved, honored and respected as much as the other one.

Some of the things that can cause problems with bonding is if there is step-sibling rivalry, if the step-parent feels rejected and resentment builds against the child, if the step-parent has unrealistic expectations or if there is very different parenting styles, especially if the step-parent is considerably stricter than the biological parent. Difficulties could also arise if there are problems between the biological parent and the step-parent. If the stepchildren realize their biological parent is not getting along with their step-parent, the reasoning of the child may be, why should they.

Try solo outings doing something the child would like to do. However, the child may choose not to do so but don't give up asking and don't feel rejected if the answer is no. Be loving but not intrusive. When there begins to be a shared history and a respect for personal differences, they are the first steps along the road to bonding.

How to Deal With Stepfamily Problems

To deal with stepfamily issues, it is necessary to have realistic expectations, open communication and have a positive attitude. Blended families are a challenging experience so love, patience and mutual respect are paramount.

For children there is the worry about living with step-siblings, concern about their relationship with a step-parent but also how the marriage will affect their relationship with their own parent. It will take work and time to feel comfortable and to be able to function together as a family.

For the parents, it will be important to start planning well before the wedding day; to lay the foundations for their new family; to give everyone a chance to get to know each other; to allow the children to get used to the idea of a remarriage and to establish somewhat of a relationship with their stepchildren before the marriage takes place.

It is a good idea to try to experience some real life situations together, not just fun times before the marriage. It will be important to parent from the same page, i.e.: make sure to discuss your parenting styles and agree on important issues before you make that big step. Parents should show a united front with the children.

It will be important to have realistic expectations and not to expect too much in the beginning. Respect for everyone in the family should be the first rule. Have consistent rules and discipline consistently and be fair with chores and allowances with all children. Be non-judgmental, positive, unified, establish trust and do things together. Discuss rules and expected boundaries with all of the children. In the beginning, the biological parent should be mainly responsible for the discipline and the step-parent can function in a friend capacity role until solid bonds have been established and trust in the relationship has been developed.

Changes in family traditions can be problematic to young children especially. Try to keep some of the traditions that your children were used to and also establish rituals and traditions of your own for the new family. Children want to feel secure, safe, loved, valued and appreciated. To do this it will be important to show a lot of affection, be consistent and to have firm boundaries.

Having a successful blended family will also mean having a solid and loving couple relationship. It will be important not to fight in front of the children and to show a unified, affectionate relationship with each other as well. Children are very adept at locating the chinks in a relationship and may possibly work at the cracks they see in their new family structure. This will especially be the case if they are not altogether happy with the new status quo.

Stepfamilies can be successful but the comfort of the original family will not happen right away. It will take time for the new family members to get to know each other, to trust each other and to realize that they really are a family.

Balancing Work and Family As a Single Parent

It is important to balance work and family as a parent, but especially if you are a single parent. Your children have only you so time spent with them is very important. While not easy, it can be done even by a single parent when money is almost always on the short side.

The following are some of the ways balancing work and family can be done:

- try and reduce the time spent traveling to work or get a daycare closer to your job. This will cut down on the time you are away from home;
- cut back on your work hours and find other ways of making money by working out of your home, i.e.: babysitting other children, typing up resumes, typing college student's essays, giving art lessons or using whatever other talents you may have. When I was single I had an in-my-home ceramic class three evenings a week and a daycare, at different times;
- to free up time that can be spent with your family, enlist their help with household tasks and then play a game with them, read them a story, take a walk in the park or watch a video together;
- prioritize your time so that any free time can be spent with your family;
- choose what is important in your life. What is it you really need? Do you need that extra dress or is time spent with your children more important?
- have increased savings by reducing what you use so there is no waste, i.e.: don't cook more than you eat at a meal especially if no one will eat leftovers;
- reuse, i.e.: gift paper, bows and ribbon, reuse something old for another purpose;
- recycle by buying second-hand, passing down or trading children's clothes with friends and neighbors;
- look for bargains – get the best deal you can;
- buy only what you need. Know the difference between need and desire.

Children will feel loved and nurtured if you are involved in their lives as much as possible. Include 'I love you' notes in their lunches. They will know you are thinking about them and will feel closer to you as a result. When you are home, turn off the television and talk to your children while you are preparing the meals, eating, getting ready for bed and while you are driving to daycare or school. At bedtime make sure to have enough time for a story and a cuddle. Sometimes good quality time will replace, to a certain extent, quantity time.

It is important to make good choices in order to balance work and family. Work together with your children for solutions to make it work. The fact that you are showing them you want to spend more time with them will be very important to them. Have a routine, organize and keep things simple.

It is important also to remember that you must stay healthy for your family because again, you are the only one. You can do this by getting sufficient sleep, having a proper diet, having some relaxing and de-stress time by exercising, jogging or doing yoga and meditating. It's also important to keep in contact with friends and other family members so that you have a supportive network.

Parenting and Society's Social Problems

Poor parenting skills can cause an assortment of emotional and behavioral problems with young children that will have an effect on their elementary school, middle school and high school performances as well as their well-being as they grow into adulthood.

Poor parents include those who fail to connect with their children. Some don't because they don't know how, others because they don't care and still others because they are too busy doing things they feel are more important. Of course, there are others still who are busy trying to exist, sometimes working two jobs and trying to raise their children as best they can.

For those parents who could make the time, putting their children in front of the t.v., not limiting their screen times, who don't wish to do anything their children want to do, have no interest in what their children are interested in, who scream, hit and humiliate their children; this is dysfunction. They are not being a loving parent. Poor parenting causes problems within the school system and can cause substance abuse in their children as early as their young teenage years.

Negative and poor parenting includes spoiling children. They should not have everything they want. They should realize that there are limits and boundaries. Also emotional abuse will affect their self-esteem and is as bad as physical abuse except that it doesn't show as bruises on the body. But its affects will last a lifetime.

Allowing bad behavior in young children in effect encourages and reinforces their behavior if they are not given proper guidelines to follow. This can cause bullying behavior in children as young as two or three years old. Bad behavior in young children can only be placed at the feet of their parents. In most cases the child has been neglected, badly treated or no boundaries have been set although they may have in their possession every material possession they could possibly want. Oftentimes parents whose children display unacceptable behavior have not given firm boundaries and do not discourage their children's poor behavior.

How can you be a good parent to your children? The following are some of the ways to do it:

- respect your child and show them at all times that you love them;
- with respect and fairness;
- expect respect in return and teach polite behavior;
- teach by example – be a good role model for your children by action and words;
- help your children to be responsible;
- help them to develop good self-esteem and confidence;
- give praise when they have done a good job or at least have tried their best;
- laugh and have fun with your children;
- help them make good choices;
- encourage their unique interests, i.e.: a talent in art, music or sports;
- ensure that rules are fair;
- don't stint on the hugs and kisses and tell your children often that you love them.

Some suggest that the children of single parent families are the cause of the far-reaching problems with children and society. I suggest that poor parenting skills are not limited to single parent families. But whether we're a single parent or not, good parenting skills can be had by all with a little effort and a lot of love.

The Joys and the Stress of Parenting

Do you parent as your parents did? Or have you found your own way of parenting? To parent well is one of the most important things we have to do in life. Unfortunately, it is a task that too many people put too little thought into, thinking that being a good parent will happen naturally.

Some people do not care for the way they were parented so will choose to parent to the other extreme, i.e.: they may have had what they believed were overly strict parents so they will choose to be overly permissive. Some will choose to get their parenting advice from friends who themselves are trying to learn how to parent, others will read books or search the internet, take parenting classes or perhaps they will ask someone who has successfully raised their children for ideas on how best to parent.

What could be considered successfully raising a child to adulthood? What do we hope our child will grow up being? Most of us would answer that we would like them to be happy, responsible, productive, good members of society and ones we can be proud to call our children.

How do we do this? We must ensure that we parent positively by being nurturing and caring, loving unconditionally, by giving guidance and to discipline with love and respect.

Our children, in order for them to have confidence and self-esteem, must know that they have our support and that we are there for them. For us to be able to do this we have to take time for ourselves. And although parenting can be joyful and rewarding, it can also be stressful when combined with work and other outside tensions. It is important to learn how to cope with this stress. We can do this by learning to be calm, exercising to unwind and doing things for ourselves, i.e.: reading a good book, watching a funny movie, having a chat with a good friend or enjoying a special hobby.

It is important to remember also that each child is unique and what works for one may not work for the next one. When I was raising my five children, the two things I found that helped me through stressful times were patience and having a sense of humor. And the best tool of all is distraction. When a child is upset about something, get them interested in something else.

Parenting can be difficult at times, but it's certainly worth the effort.

Depression in the Elderly

Depression is quite common in the elderly but it can be avoided and can certainly be controlled and eventually eliminated with proper safeguards. Feeling sad occasionally is normal but feeling as if hope is gone and there is no joy is depression.

In the elderly, unfortunately, depression is sometimes confused with dementia. The differences between the two include cognitive symptoms, language and motor difficulties and behavioral issues. With depression there is a negative view of daily life and memory lapses while hiding memory problems is consistent with the early stages of dementia. It is important with your elderly parent to get a correct diagnosis by having cognitive testing done.

The following are some of the causes of depression in the elderly:

- death of a spouse;
- health issues;
- not enjoying life as they once did;
- loneliness and isolation;
- some medical conditions such as Parkinson's Disease, stroke, cancer, multiple sclerosis, heart disease, dementia and Alzheimer's Disease;
- also prescription medications such as some sleeping pills, tranquilizers, estrogen and heart drugs can cause depression;
- alcohol is also a known depressant.

The following are some of the symptoms of depression:

- inability to function as they once did;
- feelings of extreme guilt;
- aches, pains and fatigue;
- their physical health may become worse;
--memory and concentration may have deteriorated;
- they have lost interest in activities they once enjoyed;
- they feel hopeless;
- it is difficult to get up in the morning;
- they have thoughts of suicide;
- their appetite, energy, sleep and relationships have been affected;
- they have suffered weight loss;
- may have withdrawn socially;
- they display slowed movement or speech;
- they have become irritable.

The following are some ways to help eliminate depression:

- take walks or get some exercise;
- interact with others, i.e.: go to the park, have lunch with a friend, go shopping or go to the hairdressers;
- try to renew an interest in a once-loved hobby;
- get a pet, even if it's a goldfish or a bird;
- watch a funny movie or read a humorous book;
- eat a healthy diet;
- join a support group;
- get supportive counseling;
- see a doctor and get proper medication.

Family members will need to help to ensure that their aging parent receives the help he/she needs by making sure that they take their medication as required, eat a good diet, keep appointments with their doctor and are not isolated. This will be very important because someone suffering from depression, especially a senior, will not be able to do it on their own. They will need help to become healthy and to be able to enjoy life again.

What Is A Living Will?

A Living Will is about dying with dignity. It takes the pressure off family members to have to make difficult decisions regarding the care of their loved one at a time when they are already having a difficult time emotionally. It is a legal document.

What does a Living Will contain:

- it is written instructions about the level of medical treatment a person wishes if they can not state their wishes verbally themselves;
- a person can be specific as to what treatment they want depending on the condition they are it;
- it can specify that extra, or heroic measures are not to be taken;
- it may state that they only be kept as comfortable as possible;
- it can specify if they wish their organs donated;
- it can specify who they want to oversee their wishes when they are incapable of doing so;
- it may state that a person does not want life sustaining medical procedures done by health care providers;
- it can state their wish not to be kept alive through artificial or extraordinary means.

Living Wills deal with health and personal care and are used during a person's lifetime only. It is similar to a Power of Attorney that deals with financial matters and things relating to legal issues but different from your Last Will and Testament. It will provide guidance and will release medical practitioners from legal and ethical repercussions when cure is impossible. It also prevents guilt and disagreement among family members. There will be no second-guessing what your loved one may have wanted because it will be stated clearly what the patient wished done.

Living Wills should be updated from time-to-time because with advances in medical science, what was once a heroic measure may later become a routine procedure. Physical disability does not render a patient incapable of making a decision. Living Wills should also be changed as a patient's health changes and should be discussed with their family doctor. A copy should be given to their doctor and closest family member.

My mother had a Living Will stating her wishes not to be kept alive by artificial means and to use no heroic measures to prolong her life. Her wishes were that she be kept as comfortable as possible. After hospital staff told me she had only a matter of days, they asked me whether I wanted her taken back to the hospital from the convalescent home. The convalescent home was a lovely place where she could look out into the beautiful garden, if she had wished, and the staff so caring, I felt it was the best place for her and said no. I gave them a copy of her Living Will and any further decisions necessary were taken from my hands.

A Living Will is a health care directive stating a patient's wishes which will legally be adhered to and respected. It ensures that care will prevail.

Feelings of Guilt When Our Parents Go Into An Assisted Living Facility

When it is necessary for our elderly parents to go into an Assisted Living facility, we may feel that we are not doing what we should be doing; that we are shrugging off our responsibilities when we place their care in another person's hands. And sometimes this is only the beginning of our feelings of guilt.

When my mother began having falls and was having difficulty remembering to take her numerous medications three times a day, we discussed the idea of an Assisted Living facility. My mother and I spent several days checking out various places and she was put on a list for three of the ones she liked the best. And then she settled back and thought she probably had about two years before she'd have to leave her home. But the call came in just three months time.

My mother was strong-willed and extremely independent. She dug in her heels and decided that it was too soon. But it was her favorite place because it was less than one year old and offered an on-the-premise grocery store. We went to visit it again and after meeting some of the people who lived there and the staff, she agreed. Until it came time to pack up her things and then she dug in her heels again.

And that's when guilt came again to weigh heavily on my shoulders. My feelings of ambivalence jumped to the fore. Was it really for the best? Was she going to feel abandoned? When our elderly parents are least able to do things for themselves, they are expected to meet new people, make new friends, get used to a new environment and become accustomed to new ways of doing things. Admittedly, it is a difficult challenge for them but there are often few other viable options available.

On the one hand we know that it is the best solution because they will get better medical care, there are more social opportunities, they are closely monitored and the facility has the means to take better care of your elderly loved one than you can. And also when we remember that the decision-making abilities of the elderly are not as good as they once were, we know it is the best thing to do.

But knowing that doesn't stop us from feeling we're not doing as much as we should be doing. We suffer with feelings of inadequacy, guilt over not making as many phone calls as they would like us to make, trying to get them to do what they don't want to do, i.e.: drink more fluids or eat more fruit, or things like doing chores for my mother while on a visit. She did not consider it a visit even when I had spent several hours chatting with her while I was working.

As the only daughter and the one who took her to her appointments, did her chores and looked after her, I was also the one who bore the brunt of her anger. Her anger and frustration always left me feeling as if I hadn't done enough for her. This led to extreme feelings of guilt. Could I do more? But often I wasn't sure what was expected of me.

Added to that was my mother's fear of getting dementia which led to more anger when her memory failed. But when I took her to a Gerontologist doctor who suggested medication, it just fueled her anger. The burden seemed to be on me to help her feel better but I didn't know how because I agreed with the doctor that she should have medication.

My mother has since passed away. With much soul searching I have decided that I had done the best I could with what I had available to me. I do believe the Assisted Living facility was good for her. And on her good days, she loved it there and was very happy with the staff and her surroundings.

For those who are going through this difficult situation and have feelings of guilt riding on their shoulders, it is very helpful to talk to others who are dealing with the same situation. I believe there are few of us who do not at some time or another feel guilty with decisions that have been forced upon us when caring for our elderly parents. If we know that we are doing the best we can, we can do no more.

The Elderly and Assisted Living

Assisted living is a fact for many seniors. As they become less able to do things for themselves, living in a facility where assistance is given as required, makes things easier not only for them but also takes the worry away from their family.

The benefits of assisted living for the elderly is the specialized assistance with daily activities such as bathing, dressing, putting on support stockings, medication management, ensuring that they have nutritionally balanced meals by providing meals in a communal dining room and providing trained nurses.

Other benefits of assisted living are weekly housekeeping, often a hair salon is available or at least the services of a hairdresser and a manicurist as well as someone who will cut their toe nails, a grocery store and a weekly linen service. Additionally, their health, safety and well-being are closely monitored.

There is also organized recreation in many facilities offering such things as movie nights, pub nights, bus trips, weekly entertainment, celebrations for Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Thanksgiving, Easter and Christmas, etc. There are also often card games, knitting groups, crossword puzzle gatherings and other outlets available so that seniors will not be lonely or feel isolated. It is an opportunity to make new friends and talk to others which may have been lacking when they were living on their own. Often pets are welcome too as was the case where my mother lived.

Most assisted living facilities offer self-contained private units. My mother had a large studio apartment with a small kitchenette with cupboards, sink, counter space, a fridge and a microwave. It was all she needed since meals were offered. And she had a separate bathroom large enough to accommodate using her walker. The common area where she lived had a piano which converted to a player piano for those who couldn't play. Often various people would gather around the piano and sing.

Assisted Living facilities are ideal for those who are no longer able to live independently but do not require the care that a nursing home offers. According to statistics, the average age of residents is eighty-seven years, women outnumber men three to one and the average length of stay is approximately twenty-eight months. Often after this period of time it is necessary for them to move on to the next level of care. In some facilities the various levels of care are in either the same building or in an attached one so there isn't a huge adjustment for them to make when they are moved.

My mother enjoyed the time she spent at this facility. It was obvious even to her family members that those who worked there were there because they enjoyed working with the elderly. They went well above and beyond in their care for the seniors.

Assisted living is an excellent solution to the care of your aging parent. There is no worry as there is when they are living alone that they will fall and there is no one there to look after them.

Spending Time With Your Family at the Assisted Living Facility

Is it better to spend time with your aging parent at an Assisted Living facility or to take them out somewhere? This is a difficult question and depends on the circumstances.

What are some of the things that should be considered?

- If your elderly parent is difficult to manage on your own because of mobility issues, it is safer to visit them at the facility to ensure that they don't fall or trip and especially if you have difficulty getting them in and out of your car. Or take someone else with you to help if their mobility is limited.
- If they are in the adjustment period after recently moving into an assisted living facility and they are not happy about it, perhaps it is better to visit them there and help them get adjusted to their new surroundings, i.e.: getting them involved and talking to others, ensure that they know their way around, help them feel settled in their own apartment and help them get to know what all is available to them.
- But I do think it's very important to make sure that they have the opportunity to attend all family functions so they don't think they have been abandoned and forgotten.
- After they have adjusted to their new environment they would probably enjoy being taken out to lunch or dinner occasionally or on a shopping excursion.
- Try to keep the family interaction as similar to what it was before your aging parent went into the Assisted Living facility.

If I had my grandchildren with me when I visited my mother, she wanted to go downstairs to the common area so she could show them off to everyone. She occasionally liked to go to the store but as her mobility became more limited, it became very difficult for me to take her. She railed against a wheelchair as much as she had initially objected to a walker. My son occasionally took her but we always made sure that she got to the family functions – every birthday and every celebration.

An Assisted living facility can be a wonderful place for those who take advantage of all that they have to offer. Initially my mother did this until her health began to deteriorate. At this point she felt that she almost didn't want to make the effort anymore to go anywhere. It is also a good alternative when independent living is no longer feasible. For family members it is a stress reliever because we know that our elderly parents are being well looked after and as happy as can be with their new phase in life.

Penticton, British Columbia

Penticton is British Columbia's city of events which include the Penticton Peach Festival, the Ironman Triathlon, Okanagan Wine Festival, the Elvis Festival and Children's Festival. It is also a city for outdoor adventure with its ideal weather conditions.

Nestled in a valley between mountains and two lakes it offers boating and fishing on both Skaha and Okanagan Lakes, kayak rentals, parasailing, kite surfing and other water sports. There are eighty-eight wineries within an hour's drive of Penticton, golfing, hiking, cycling, rock climbing, horseback riding, museums and galleries to visit, parks and biking the Kettle Valley Railway Trail. And my all-time favorite, a lazy float down the Channel on inner tubes with friends and a necessary beverage of your choice. It is approximately a one and a half hour float to about the half-way point where a bus will pick you and your tubes up and return you to your car. To go the entire way to the lake entrance will take over three hours of wonderful floating pleasure.

There is something for everyone in this Okanagan city – water slides, Apex Mountain recreation area or the boutiques and unique shops, some in original buildings dating back to the early 1900's. There is also the S.S. Sicamous to tour, a historic paddle wheeler located on the south shore of the Okanagan Lake.

Another great adventure is a trip on the Kettle Valley Railway steam train. This 1912 restored steam locomotive will take you on a ninety minute journey through orchards and vineyards with a view of the lake. Events such as the Great Train Robbery will be held where you'll meet the notorious Garnett Valley Gang. This trip will include a barbeque dinner with musical entertainment.

Another interesting feature of a visit to Penticton is the possibility of seeing Ogopogo of Lake Okanagan. It is suspected of being twenty to fifty feet long with an undulating serpent-like body. Local Aboriginal people reported sightings many years prior to the first Caucasian sighting in 1870 and reports of sightings continue to this day. Ogopogo has been reported to be seen from as close as fifty to one hundred feet away. It is said that this lake creature can move with astounding speed.

Is it real or a myth? Of the numerous people who swear to have seen it, they say it is real. But on a visit to Penticton, you will probably arrive with a healthy dose of skepticism but your eyes wide open – just in case you have a story of a life-time to tell on your return home. We never have seen Ogopogo on any of our visits but I haven't completely relegated the story to that of being a myth.

Penticton, because of its wonderful weather conditions, is great for growing luscious fruit, particularly peaches so it's an ideal opportunity to load up your trunk with some of the bounty on your visit. Accommodations are also readily available.

On a visit to our beautiful province of British Columbia, Penticton with all it has to offer, is not a place to miss.

Palm Springs in the Coachella Valley

Palm Springs, a desert city within the Coachella Valley, is a great destination for golfers with its 125 golf courses. But there is more to this lovely area than just golfing. For those who like the desert air there are many other attractions as well.

One of the particularly interesting places to visit is Joshua Tree National Park with its abundance of birds, and animals such as bobcats, cougars, coyotes, quails, jackrabbits, big horn sheep and desert tortoises. Flowering cacti especially are the jewels of the park as well as the many other wild flowers that flourish in this desert area. And there are many various rock formations that are unique for the visitor to see. Also of interest, the park is crisscrossed with hundreds of fault lines. The famous San Andreas Fault can be observed on the south side of the park as well as other fault lines throughout the area.

Joshua Tree National Park has 501 archeological sites and 88 historic structures as well as a large museum collection. Included is the Pinto culture collection dated at 4,000 to 8,000 years ago. There are collections also of tools, basketry and ceramic tools telling the story of the early lives of the Cahuilla, Chemuevi and Sorrano who occupied the park prior to the early 1900's. And the exhibits of miners' tools and children's toys tell the story of the park's early Anglo settlers. An estimated three hundred mines were developed in the area after the California gold rush of 1849 ended. Also included are photographs and old library collections of the early cattlemen in the area.

Soak City is another attraction with many different kinds of water slides available for children or the young at heart. While we were in Palm Springs recently we took advantage of the opportunity to go. Besides the water slides, I particularly enjoyed the wave pool and the large lazy river where you don't have to do anything but relax and float along on a big tube. There are tubes available for use while you are in the wave pool also.

The Palm Springs Aerial Tram will take you up Chino Canyon where it is about thirty degrees cooler with an elevation of 8,516 feet and into Mt. San Jacinto State Park. It is a popular hiking area with sub-alpine forests, ferny mountain meadows and granite peaks. The Mt. San Jacinto State Park has been likened to hiking in Switzerland. In the winter cross-country skiing and snowshoeing are popular sports. Completed in 1963, the Aerial Tram has carried more than twelve million people into the mountains overlooking the Coachella Valley.

The Palm Springs area has a high of approximately 104 degrees in the summer although when we were there recently it reached 115 degrees. We were thankful for the backyard pool and air conditioning.

Although we usually visit Palm Springs during the summer months, the ideal time is during the other seasons when the temperatures are lovely but a little more moderate especially if you are there for the golf games.

The Magic World of Disneyland

Walt Disney's dream came true when he opened Disneyland Park in California. In his own words, the secret of making dreams come true is curiosity, confidence, courage and constancy. And Disneyland is all about dreams.

Disneyland was started by a mouse debuting as Steamboat Willie. Mickey Mouse first appeared in 1928. In 1937, Walt Disney produced Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and later went on to produce Pinocchio, Fantasia, Dumbo and Bambi. Walt Disney's name is synonymous with imagination and creation. And in his own words, 'nothing is impossible.'.

On a recent visit to this fairyland amusement park, although Bambi was not in evidence, Dumbo flew around Fantasyland carrying happy, laughing children and their parents. And on a ride through the forest we visited the home of the seven dwarfs and witnessed the 'happily ever after' story of Snow White.

In Toontown Mickey Mouse, Walt Disney's first loveable cartoon character meets and greets visitors to the park along with Goofy and Donald Duck allowing ample opportunities for photos to be taken.

Disney worked endlessly in the early years to perfect the art of animation. Technicolor was first introduced to his animations in his production of Silly Symphonies. On Paradise Pier the Silly Symphony swings now take guests for a spin over the boardwalk. Also in this area of California park the World of Color display of colored dancing lights with animated characters are no doubt in memory of Disney's Wonderful World of Color production of 1961. Although Disney died in 1966, he definitely has not been forgotten and is thought of as a bridge from the past to the future.

A visit to Disneyland is, as Disney planned, an exciting experience for both adults and children alike. Among my favorite rides are Pirates of the Caribbean which opened in 1967 and was one of the last Disney was involved with before his untimely death; the haunted mansion, although not introduced to the park until 1969 was an idea conceived many years previously by Walt Disney, and It's a Small World which was added in 1964. Another favorite, although a much more recent addition, is Soaring over California which takes riders on a hang glider flight over the Golden Gate Bridge, Yosemite National Park, Lake Tahoe and San Diego harbor to name a few of the beautiful sights you will see as the breeze caresses your face and gently blows through your hair. Other favorites are Grizzly River Run, the Jungle Cruise and Peter Pan's Flight. Tower of Terror, a relatively new addition is not a favorite of mine, nor California Screaming but were rides my sons went on several times.

Disneyland and California Adventure Parks are a combination of adventure, magic and dreams. The results of Walt Disney's dreams are where every adult can be a child again and every child can believe in the impossible.

San Felipe and the Baha Peninsula

The Baha Peninsula extends approximately 1,200 km from the US border to the southern tip. It is separated from Mexico by the beautiful azure blue Sea of Cortez and is mainly desert and mountains.

The Peninsula is made up of four deserts: the San Felipe Desert, Central Coast Desert, Vizcaino Desert and the Magdalena Plain Desert. In 1952 the North Territory of Baja California became the 30th state of Mexico known as Baja California and the South territory of Baja California became the 31st state known as Baja California Sur.

On the Peninsula, Tijuana, a border city is famed for its international cuisine, Ensenada is surrounded by vineyards, at Scammons Lagoon you may be lucky enough to spy a Gray Whale, Rosarito is the top destination for scuba diving and La Paz is popular for sport fishing and windsurfing. Los Cabos, in the southern part of the Peninsula is one of Mexico's most popular destinations.

The Peninsula was discovered by a sea captain, Hernan Cortes in 1535. He made the first detailed map of the area and gave the town of San Felipe its original name of Santa Catalina. In 1766 Wenceslaus Linck was the first person to reach by land what later became known as San Felipe. San Felipe, with its fantastic fall, winter and spring weather is only two and a half hours from the US border. A unique town, it is the shrimping capital of the Baha.

On a recent trip to San Felipe we watched the shrimp boats ride up onto the sand as they came into shore to unload their daily catch of fresh caught shrimp. And fresh they are! We had shrimp tacos with a large array of condiments and sauces and I can honestly say there is nothing that tastes quite as good. Combine that with a cold glass of the local beer and fresh squeezed lime juice and you have a lunch fit for a king.

While there we also visited the Valley of the Giants. It is a natural reserve of one thousand plus year old cardones cacti. They are native to the area and during their span of life have witnessed the passing of time and no doubt many changes. Their roots can spread up to thirty meters to trap water after one of the area's infrequent rainfalls. Sometimes they trap enough water to allow them to survive for years. When standing beside any of these amazing giants, some as high as fifteen meters, any man will be dwarfed by their size.

There are interesting shops in the town of San Felipe, Mexican-style Mardi Gras', festivals, fishing, night life and friendly people. It has the reputation of being the second sunniest place on the planet. Beachcombing is an adventure too as the tide goes out a long way. And dozens of camping spots can be found almost anywhere you look.

San Felipe, like much of the Baja Peninsula is a veritable paradise, a vacationer's dream spot with its ideal weather conditions, unique beauty and the allure of the crystal blue waters of the Sea of Cortez.

The Othello Tunnels of British Columbia

The Othello Tunnels are located in the most rugged section of the Coquihalla Canyon. At a time when there was limited technology, tunnels were created through three solid granite mountain cliffs and bridges were built above a canyon where the river rushes three hundred feet below. It is a terrain so rugged as to seem nearly impossible even with the technology we now have.

This magnificent and unbelievable engineering feat was designed by engineer Andrew McCullough and was completed between 1911 – 1918. Sadly many immigrants lost their lives during the building of these tunnels and trestles which were deemed necessary to gain passage to the coast. Once British Columbia became part of Canada in 1871, it was necessary to link eastern Canada to the Pacific Coast. The mountains of British Columbia were a challenge, particularly those surrounding the Coquihalla Gorge. There was no way around so the engineer for the project made the decision to go through. McCullough was hired as the chief engineer in May, 1910, more than one hundred years ago. The work was completely done by hand with some help from horse drawn scrapers and black powder. Cliff ladders, suspension bridges and ropes assisted the workers in building what, even today, is considered an engineering marvel.

At the time the tunnels and passage were built, they cost $300,000.00. In today's money it would translate into approximately $5.8 million dollars. The old CPR Kettle Valley Railway once ran through this magnificent piece of history and through some of the most beautiful scenery there is in the province.

The tunnels, also known as the Quintette Tunnels, were named by Andrew McCullough who was an avid fan of Shakespeare. He used the names of Lear, Jessica, Portia, Iagy, Romeo and Juliet to name the stations on the Coquihalla route.

It was thirty-eight miles from the Coquihalla Summit to the junction with the CPR mainline across the Fraser River from Hope. It ran freight and passengers between Nelson and Vancouver but was often plagued with rock and snow slides. The Kettle Valley Railway closed in 1959 following a severe slide in the area and in May of 1986, the tunnels and surrounding area became a provincial recreation area.

Today, after walking through the tunnels and traversing the bridges, you can continue along the old railroad bed which links to the historic Hope-Nicola Cattle Trail. Many visitors take their bikes to travel the path left by a railway that is no longer available to us.

The park is closed between November and March each year because of the possibility of falling rocks and ice breaking from the surface of the walls of the canyon to the walking trails below. When visiting the tunnels, it is necessary to take a flashlight. It is important to remember also that bikes must be walked and pets must be kept on a leash at all times.

A visit to the canyons is well worth the drive for the beauty, the wonder and the amazement of what man is capable of doing. Like other men of vision, Andrew McCullough believed anything was possible.

The Majestic Grand Canyon

When seeing the Grand Canyon for the first time one is at a loss for words or even unable to comprehend the unbelievable wonder of its creation. It is such a spectacular sight that no picture can possibly do it justice.

Few people have not seen pictures of the Grand Canyon and still when we first see it, we cannot be anything else but impressed and in awe of this majestic sight. What then must it have been like for the first people who happened on this unbelievable vision of nature at its best?

The oldest human artifacts discovered date to the Paleo-Indian period nearly 12,000 years ago. For thousands of years the Puebloans, Cohoninas, the Paiutes, Cerbats and the Navajoes lived as semi-nomadic hunter-gatherers and canyon dwellers in the area of the canyon.

There are approximately 2,000 known archaeological sites within the park boundaries giving evidence of their existence and their way of life. The most accessible site is Tusayan Pueblo believed to be constructed sometime around 1185 and possibly housing about thirty people. There is further evidence that in the late 1200's these nomadic people seemed to have left the area of the canyon. It is thought that the mass exodus may have been due to a climate change since a lot of their existence depended upon agriculture.

Following this for a period of about one hundred years the canyon remained deserted by humans until the Paiutes, Cerbats and later the Navajoes returned to reestablish their settlements. The Dines, relatives of the Apache, later became inhabitants of the canyon as well until in 1882 when all Native Americans were forced onto reservations.

In 1540, Captain Garcia Lopez de Cardenas lead a party of Spanish soldiers into the Grand Canyon on an expedition but left believing that it was impossible to get through many of the areas within the canyon. It was another two hundred years before a second expedition arrived in the form of two Spanish priests. They were searching for a route from Santa Fe, New Mexico to Monterey, California. In 1826, James Ohio Pattie and a group of trappers reached the canyon but little is known about them. And in the mid 1800's Lieutenant Joseph Ines attempted to explore the area as well but eventually gave up his quest.

John Wesley Powell (1834 – 1902) was the first geologist to navigate the often treacherous Colorado River through the Grand Canyon studying the geology of the canyon. He later founded the U.S. Geological Society and wrote several books on the subject. His first trip was in 1869 and his second, more successful trip, was between 1871 and 1872. Others later followed him discovering and recording additional information about this fabulous creation as they went.

In 1901, the Grand Canyon Railway was established and ran between Arizona and the South Rim opening the canyon up to tourists who had previously only been able to visit by stagecoach. In 1905 a luxury hotel, the El Tovar, was opened on the South Rim and the Phantom Ranch in the Inner Gorge opened in 1922.

In May, 1933 the Watchtower at Desert View Point opened allowing visitors to see for over one hundred miles on a clear day and be able to watch the Colorado River as it winds through the canyon. The Watchtower was designed by Mary Elizabeth Colter using rock from the canyon. She insisted that the rock of the Tower blend into the rock of the canyon walls. Paintings and artwork decorate the inside walls. It is on the eastern end of the South Rim of the canyon. Standing seventy feet tall, it is thirty feet at its base. The Watchtower sits on a promontory over the canyon.

In the early 1900's, miners very quickly discovered that tourism was much more lucrative and easier than the often difficult and treacherous conditions of mining. Before long, and especially with the addition of the railroad, the Grand Canyon, with its awe inspiring views, became a popular attraction for tourists.

The Grand Canyon was given Federal protection as a Forest Reserve in 1893 and later became a National Monument. In 1919, it achieved National Park status receiving 44,173 visitors. It currently receives close to five million visitors each year.

Today the South Rim remains the most popular destination as the North Rim is more remote with fewer services. The newer addition of the Grand Canyon Skywalk, which is 4,000 feet above the Colorado River on the West Rim, has encouraged an influx of visitors to that area in recent years. It has a glass bottomed observation deck and reaches seventy feet over the canyon's rim. The West Rim is owned and operated by the Hualapai Indian Tribe.

On a recent visit to this marvel of nature, we took the shuttle from one view point to the next. Knowing a little bit about the history of one of the 7th Wonders of the World enhanced what we already considered an exciting visit from breath-stopping beauty alone. In some places the rock walls plunged to a depth of a mile below to the Colorado River. There were smiles on every face we passed as we followed paths and walked to view points. Happiness seemed to abound in this area of beauty.

When you look down into the canyon below and see the different layers of history that nature has preserved for us, it puts life into perspective. On a visit to many places you feel you're glad you came and you enjoyed what you saw but may not come back. But on a visit to the Grand Canyon, you will know you definitely want to return to view its beauty again.

Gabriola Island - One of the Gulf Islands of British Columbia

British Columbia has many beautiful places to visit. Gabriola Island, one of the gulf islands dotting the western coastline, is one such place. For many years it has been our annual getaway destination eagerly looked forward to by the whole family. There are few other places that could surpass its beauty with sandstone beaches and interesting shorelines. When we walk the beaches we see an abundance of starfish, jellyfish, anemones and sea otter. Seals often make their way onto the beach to sunbathe or vie for our attention.

Setting up chairs at waters edge, we enjoy the tranquility of waves lapping at our feet and the ocean sounds of seagulls and oyster catchers. There are spectacular views of ships and pleasure craft and the spirit-lifting beauty of sun glistening on gentle waves; and in the evenings, the sunsets are spectacular.

There is much to see and enjoy on this enchanted island. One of the interests is False Narrows, a narrow channel running between Mudge Island and Gabriola. When walking on Brickyard Beach, in this area, we are still able to see the remnants of a brickyard that operated from 1895 to 1945.

We often visit Malaspina Galleries, a rare geological feature. The Gallery has been carved into the sandstone over hundreds of years of high tides. Because of places like the Galleries, Gabriola Island is a great place for nature lovers and photographers alike. There are also a number of petroglyphs in the area.

Lighthouse Point is another wonderful place to visit. When we are there we can feel the power of nature as the wind is usually brisk at this end of the island. Driftwood litters the beach brought to shore by the crashing waves.

Many of the beaches are accessible allowing for shoreline hikes when the tide is low. Twin Beaches is another great place to visit where the shores are sandy and the unique shells are many and interesting. There are picnic tables and, in some areas, trees shelter the sandy beach for respite from the sun.

Several parks on the island have developed easy walking woodland trails often ending on the beach. Old logging roads and country roads heading inland are also interesting because of the many groves of Garry oaks and Arbutus trees.

Drumbeg Park is a beautiful spot that is never crowded. It has easy, open walking trails. One of the trails meanders through a grove of Garry oaks, across sandstone beaches and over a grassy hill where it comes to a beautiful view of the channel and the group of islands beyond.

On Saturday mornings we visit the Farmers’ Market where crafts, homemade jams and home-grown produce are for sale. There is also the annual Sand Castle Exhibit where any family or group can participate for the cost of a non-perishable food donation to the food bank as an entrance fee. There is the annual Salmon Barbeque; the annual Beat the Heat Summer Fest at Silva Bay with a non-marine boat race that is as much fun for the observers as it is for the participants; and the annual Concert On the Green. We have attended, and enjoyed, all of these events while we’ve been there.

As guests of this beautiful island, we savor the laid-back lifestyle with no expectation to rush anywhere. For us, Gabriola Island seems to have it all.

Commitment and Trust Issues - Do You Have Them?

There is a quote: a wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe and leaves before she is left. Is she wise or does she have some commitment and trust issues?

What causes commitment and trust issues? Is it fear of abandonment or rejection? There could be many reasons – parents divorcing, being placed in foster care or someone you trusted let you down. Perhaps they lied or cheated on you. Or if your boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse continually flirted with members of the opposite sex, kept secrets, went where you hadn't been invited, or was disrespectful of your feelings, it is difficult to give the next person your heart in trust and to feel fully committed to them. The thought at the back of your mind may be, can I really trust this person? If you can't, how can you make a commitment?

When you commit yourself, you make a pledge to someone to be loyal and to be dedicated to them. It is a conscious commitment to trust in them. Trust is a person's belief that their partner will keep promises made and it is a confidence in their relationship. Commitment and trust go hand-in-hand. Between the two a lasting foundation can be built. Without them, the relationship is likely to erode over time – they are a must in any relationship if it is able to survive.

In a committed relationship there must be the following:

- honesty – each person must be able to believe what their spouse is telling them, to know that they are being up front about everything, that no secrets are being kept or lies being told;
- put your partner first - before your work, golf, friends and your dog. Your children are a different entity, they should be put first by both of you;
- treat your partner with respect by how you talk to each other and about each other. There are so many little things that make up respect. This goes along with being considerate of your partner as well;
- communicate. This is so important. How many times have you gone to a restaurant only to see two people sitting having dinner with hardly a word passing between them;
- be open with each other. Don't be embarrassed to discuss anything. There should be no topics you cannot discuss with the person you love;
- treat your partner as your best friend – tell him/her your secrets and let them be the first person you phone when something exciting has happened. (My parents were best friends. I often saw my father as I was growing up, while in a group of people, look across at my mother with a special smile and a wink. He didn't even have to be standing beside her for them to be connected);
- support each other when work hasn't been going well, when a parent or child is ill or your partner is just feeling down and needs to be cheered up;
- continue to really love each other, and to show it, as much as the first day you felt you were really in love;
- and, trust each other – trust him/her to always be there for you as you would for them.

These things are all important. But even more crucial is picking the right person to hang your hat beside. It is so much easier to do all of the above, and to want to be committed, if the person is the right one for you and they feel equally committed. A few years ago, an acquaintance met someone that no one thought was right for her – they were like oil and water, constantly pushing each others buttons. It was a constant battlefield. After a lot of heartache, she eventually left and met a man very suitable for her and now has no problems with trust and being able to commit to her relationship. In fact they have now been together for seven years and say they love each other as much today as they did when they first realized how they felt. When you have that kind of relationship you will kiss and love, listen and believe and be together forever.

Mild Cognitive Impairment in Seniors

Mild Cognitive Impairment, MCI, is a condition that may be a precursor to dementia. MCI is a form of cognitive impairment that usually features short-term memory loss without the loss of other cognitive functions.

Although it is not dementia, seniors with MCI have a higher risk, of approximately 10 – 15% per year, for converting to Alzheimer's disease or another dementia compared with seniors who do not have it. It is normal for the speed of mental processing and memory of names, etc. to decline with aging. But these normal changes do not affect a person's ability to function.

MCI is diagnosed when there is memory impairment but general cognitive and functional abilities are intact, does not have impaired judgment or reasoning and there are indications that there is an absence of dementia. Treatments are under investigation. In a trial test of 168 people, it was discovered that the three B vitamins, folic acid, vitamin B6 and vitamin B12 were found to cut the rate of brain shrinkage by up to 50%.

Starting interventions early can slow the decline. The following are things a person with MCI can do to lower their risk for developing a dementia:

- control your blood pressure. You may require blood pressure medication to keep it under control;
- maintain your cholesterol level. Medication may be required to do this also;
- control blood sugar levels. If you have been discovered to have diabetes, it is particularly important to monitor your blood sugar levels regularly;
- maintain your weight at a normal level and exercise regularly. Walking is an excellent form of exercise;
- limit alcohol intake to 5 drinks a week with never more than one drink in a day;
be conscious of your diet being sure to include plenty of vegetables, fruit and fish in your regular diet;
- get a sufficient amount of sleep;
- limit the use of sleeping pills and over the counter medications for things such as cold symptoms;
- try to keep stress to a minimum by avoiding stressful situations and practicing relaxation techniques such as meditation;
- do not smoke;
- protect your head, especially from repeated concussions. This can increase the risk factors for development of Alzheimer's disease and other dementia's as well as cognitive impairment.

Other ideas that will assist in being able to cope with MCI is to keep a daytimer with you at all times and write down important things such as phone numbers, addresses and appointments. It can even help when you are parking your car. When you get out, make a note in your daytimer of where your car is parked so you will be able to find it again with no trouble, And if you are always losing your keys, make sure to keep them in the same place each day.

Mild memory problems are typical of aging but MCI is a little more serious. If you suspect that you may be suffering from mild cognitive impairment, it is a good idea to see your doctor to get a diagnosis.

Age is Not a Number, It's an Attitude

Do you base how old you are on the dates of the calendar? Or when you receive your old age pension check? Or do you believe age is all about attitude?

There are people I know who are ready to jump in to old age with both feet, quickly proclaiming that they're too old to do this or for that. As a result they look older than their age and they act even older. They have become sedentary, they seem to have lost interest in things and they're zest for living is gone. Why I wonder are they so quick to link arms with old age and welcome it as their long-lost friend.

But other people I know of the same age would never let the words, 'I'm too old' pass their happy, smiling lips. They continue to be active, have interests and their days are never long enough for them. Their zest for life is unlimited and they almost without exception look younger than their age.

I believe that old is an attitude and our attitudes are reflected in our behavior. Are we spontaneous and do we enjoy having fun? It is about being optimistic, positive, being able to effectively cope with what life throws our way and still be happy. Happiness is a decision. We can decide to be happy or we can decide that life is really just a barrel full of rotten apples and grumble our way through life. I read once that by the time a person reaches the age of fifty, they have got the face they deserve to have.

Part of a youthful attitude is enthusiasm, not somberness. It is having goals and a specific purpose in life. In order to stay young, we must not accept negative concepts on aging because this negativity will shape our attitude and our behavior. Life should be enjoyed in the moment. We should throw away all of our past anger and resentment and refuse to live in the past because the present is here to enjoy and the future will come soon enough. I hate to see Over the Hill decorations at a fortieth birthday – at forty we're still learning, we've barely begun our journey in life.

Socializing is important as well as having interests and hobbies. The art of staying young is being interested in learning new things, learning an instrument, taking a university course, spending time with younger friends and having an 'I can do it' type of attitude.

Do you enjoy doing some of the things your grandchildren like to do? If not, perhaps give it a try and they might begin calling you their cool grandparent. Being active, both physically and mentally, will increase your feelings of youthfulness and any ideas of being old will evaporate like a Scotch mist on a windy day – while you are on the beach flying your kite.

Adult Step Children - Love or Tolerance

There are times when we may not be too fond of our own adult children. And we do not always like every adult we meet. So is it any wonder that immediate love may not come for our adult step children?

Many of the types of behavior I've noticed step parents have complained about of their step children, both younger and adult, are things that our own children may have done. The difference is that we are often much more willing to accept bad behavior in our own children than in our step children. Have your own children talked back to you, disobeyed the rules, ignored you or been disrespectful of you? But often if our step children do the same thing, we are less tolerant of them.

Love takes time to grow so expecting to feel immediate affection for our adult step children is not a realistic expectation. Developing bonds and creating relationships are necessary before love can be achieved any time.

Step parents are not obligated to love their step children. But learning to like them and to enjoy their company is a good beginning to a good relationship. The acts of love are more important than the feelings, i.e.: showing kindness, respect, fairness, acceptance and not judging them.

Also there's no doubt about it, some children, whether young or old, are just more loveable than others. And as adults, some of us are more approachable than others. The two go together. But I believe that as the older person, it is up to us to make the first loving approaches by extending a welcoming feeling, an open smile, an interest in them and maybe even cooking some of their favorite foods.

It is important to behave in an unselfish manner – be loving, or at least behaving in a loving manner, and expecting nothing in return. Get to know your adult step children, you can't love what you don't know. Have safe conversations about their interests, their work, what's happening with the economy, the weather or on anything that will not lead to conflict. If there are grandchildren, show an interest in them as well. Be patient. Building a relationship takes time and learning to care about your step children is no exception. The hope is to at least be able to initially tolerate them. It is extremely important not to show any dislike of them. After all, they are the children of the person you love.

During the initial getting-to-know period with your step children, it is important to develop your own couple relationship so you can discuss rationally with your partner how is the best way to handle certain situations. Working together is always easier than working alone. But it is also important not to make children feel excluded – you are now a family.

To best get along with adult step children, the bottom line is to behave in a caring way toward them, be tolerant, go slowly and be patient.