Adjusting to Living in a Blended Family

Blended families don't have to be the Cinderella type of family but they're not likely to be the Brady Bunch either. At least, certainly not in the beginning and maybe not even after several years of togetherness.

Common sense will be one of the necessary prerequisites for successfully blending a family. This includes being kind to each other, as we are with friends and even those we've just met. Why then not with those in our stepfamily? Treat others as you would like to be treated, be polite, be respectful, try to be understanding of each others feelings, be patient and don't lose your temper. Would you lose your temper with a work colleague or a classmate? Be willing to try to get along, have a good attitude, be positive and be accepting. And be sure to offer praise even if what you are praising is not as good as you wanted it to be, praise the effort instead. Be forgiving.

The quote, 'United we stand, divided we fall', has been used by many throughout history. This is an apt quote for a blended family to remember to help them work together. It will also be important to have house rules – the same for everyone, parents included. Other things that are important when trying to blend two families together is to encourage laughter, try not to allow scenarios that may set step-siblings up to be competitive, i.e.: have an equal amount of pictures displayed of all the children in the house. (you may think no one is going to count but they will); make sure that all children have equally nice rooms, have equal opportunities for conversation and equal praise or at the very least encouragement.

Other things which will help with the transition is to be courteous, talk with each stepchild about their interests so some type of rapport over time can be developed and, encourage positive dinner discussions, i.e.: about school, their friends, what they'd like to do, where they'd like to go, etc.

Ensure that the house is full of love and that affection is readily shown. With children it is the little things that count, things such as a smile, a gentle touch, a kind word, blowing a kiss, respecting their abilities and of course, telling them you love them often. Children who know they are loved don't have to prove their worth, they will develop self-esteem and have confidence. Those are the children who are better able to work through changes in their lives.

As time goes by, many families with stepchildren will be close-knit. But like any family, there may be tensions and problems, but this is normal. How it's handled will be the difference in whether it is a big problem or a small one.

I believe the following quote by Scott Stanley is a perfect motto for a blended family: 'The challenge is to help couples turn 'I do' into 'we can'.'

Another quote by Ruth Bell Graham is a good one to remember also: 'A good marriage is the union of two forgivers.'