Commitment and Trust Issues - Do You Have Them?

There is a quote: a wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe and leaves before she is left. Is she wise or does she have some commitment and trust issues?

What causes commitment and trust issues? Is it fear of abandonment or rejection? There could be many reasons – parents divorcing, being placed in foster care or someone you trusted let you down. Perhaps they lied or cheated on you. Or if your boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse continually flirted with members of the opposite sex, kept secrets, went where you hadn't been invited, or was disrespectful of your feelings, it is difficult to give the next person your heart in trust and to feel fully committed to them. The thought at the back of your mind may be, can I really trust this person? If you can't, how can you make a commitment?

When you commit yourself, you make a pledge to someone to be loyal and to be dedicated to them. It is a conscious commitment to trust in them. Trust is a person's belief that their partner will keep promises made and it is a confidence in their relationship. Commitment and trust go hand-in-hand. Between the two a lasting foundation can be built. Without them, the relationship is likely to erode over time – they are a must in any relationship if it is able to survive.

In a committed relationship there must be the following:

- honesty – each person must be able to believe what their spouse is telling them, to know that they are being up front about everything, that no secrets are being kept or lies being told;
- put your partner first - before your work, golf, friends and your dog. Your children are a different entity, they should be put first by both of you;
- treat your partner with respect by how you talk to each other and about each other. There are so many little things that make up respect. This goes along with being considerate of your partner as well;
- communicate. This is so important. How many times have you gone to a restaurant only to see two people sitting having dinner with hardly a word passing between them;
- be open with each other. Don't be embarrassed to discuss anything. There should be no topics you cannot discuss with the person you love;
- treat your partner as your best friend – tell him/her your secrets and let them be the first person you phone when something exciting has happened. (My parents were best friends. I often saw my father as I was growing up, while in a group of people, look across at my mother with a special smile and a wink. He didn't even have to be standing beside her for them to be connected);
- support each other when work hasn't been going well, when a parent or child is ill or your partner is just feeling down and needs to be cheered up;
- continue to really love each other, and to show it, as much as the first day you felt you were really in love;
- and, trust each other – trust him/her to always be there for you as you would for them.

These things are all important. But even more crucial is picking the right person to hang your hat beside. It is so much easier to do all of the above, and to want to be committed, if the person is the right one for you and they feel equally committed. A few years ago, an acquaintance met someone that no one thought was right for her – they were like oil and water, constantly pushing each others buttons. It was a constant battlefield. After a lot of heartache, she eventually left and met a man very suitable for her and now has no problems with trust and being able to commit to her relationship. In fact they have now been together for seven years and say they love each other as much today as they did when they first realized how they felt. When you have that kind of relationship you will kiss and love, listen and believe and be together forever.