The Three Styles of Parenting

The style of parenting we each choose when raising our children may be determined based on how we were raised or it may be in reaction to how we were raised. It could also be based on a decision to be proactive by making the effort to read books or take classes on how best to parent our children. The following are the three main styles of parenting:

- Authoritarian - This style of parenting ensures that the parent is in control. They will make a particular effort to exert control over the child. Children will be given no choices and no reason why things can't be done other than how the parent wants it done. There are usually strict rules that are enforced and if the child does not adhere to these rules, they will be harshly punished. Parents who parent in this way are often critical of their children and will focus on bad behavior rather than good. Parents who practice an authoritarian style of parenting are generally not responsive or affectionate with their children. These children will often have difficulty thinking for themselves; will have lower self-esteem and will likely not be as happy as children raised in a different parenting style.

- Permissive - The permissive parent gives complete control to the child. They will have few rules, fewer routines and likely few boundaries, if any. Their parenting style is inconsistent because they don't follow through on anything. Their children will have many choices, and often ones that are inconsistent with their ages. They are indulgent parents who don't want to get involved in disputes with their children. For this reason there will be little discipline. These types of parents tend to be warm and loving and prefer to be their child's friend rather than a parent. Children raised by permissive parents are often not happy, may perform poorly in school and may have problems with authority figures.

- Democratic - The democratic parent will help their children learn to be responsible; to think about the consequences of their behavior; will have reasonable expectations for their children and will monitor their behavior. These parents focus on good behavior and if poor behavior is exhibited, a better way of doing something is explained or shown to the child rather than harshly punishing them. Choices are given to the child relative to their age. These parents are warm and loving and know that for good parenting to be effective a bond must be established between the parent and child. This style of parenting produces the most positive results with happier and more successful children.

A fourth, but not as common style of parenting is the Uninvolved Parent. This parent makes few demands on the child and will have limited communication with them. These parents will tend to lead lives that are full and complete but quite separate from their children. The children's basic needs are met but they receive little warmth and nurturing. These children will have less self-esteem and be less competent than children raised with other styles of parenting.

Because of the different parenting styles, and because each individual determines their parenting style based on various situations, a potential problem can arise when individual parents each have their own completely different styles of parenting. This will not only cause confusion with the children but can contribute to problems in coming to terms on mutual decisions when raising a family.

Although parenting can be one of the toughest jobs there is, it can also be one of the most satisfying. If we can approach parenting using a parenting style that is likely to be the most successful in raising happy and successful children, we will reap the rewards in later years, and so will our children.