Single Parenting - The Perceptions and the Reality

As a single parent, I discovered that the image and perception of single parent families was often one of welfare, rebellious and delinquent children, school drop-outs, unhappiness and negativity. It was rare to see a good picture painted of a single parent family.

I discovered however that there were many like mine who don't fit into that stereotype of misery. Now that my children have grown, I realize that being a single parent gave me the opportunity to teach my children valuable lessons. By working, even though they were low paid jobs, I taught them that welfare was not an option. I was able to show them the importance of pulling our weight in society; of contributing to a common cause; of working together as a family, and the value of becoming a member of a team. We may not have had what our neighbors had in some respects but in others, we had so much more.

One little girl in the neighborhood told me that her mother didn't let her have friends over because the house got messy. I'm not afraid to admit our house was often messy but our house was also full of children who laughed, had fun and enjoyed themselves because they were allowed to be children; they were allowed to be messy.

Single parenting is like trying to run a marathon with only one leg; although still difficult, with the help of a prosthesis, it can be done. I also discovered ways to make my job a little easier.

I took the time to talk with and have fun with my children even if it meant the floor didn't get washed, the coffee table dusted or the laundry folded. These things don't really matter in the big scheme of things. I tried to face the challenges of single parenting head on one day at a time; learned to be content and thankful for what I had, ie.: children I loved and knowing that I was doing the best I could. I tried to role model what I expected from my children; made my family my priority; tried to see the humor in situations and c oncentrated more on the positive things than on the negatives. I tried to concentrate on what issues were the most important to me, i.e.: those relating to safety and manners and overlooking those not considered quite as important such as a tidy bedroom. Life became much easier when everything wasn't a hassle. I felt it was important to enjoy my children in the short time I had them before they began to make their own way in the world.

Because the biggest difficulty of single parenting is the struggle financially, we learned as a family to be creative and resourceful. As a result my children developed excellent work ethics by having part-time jobs at young ages; they learned how to stretch a dollar; they worked towards what they wanted and never had their hand out expecting things to be handed to them. In many ways my children were fortunate to have grown up poorer than many. They have learned respect - for me, for what they have, for others and for the values that have been instilled in them. They never leaned too heavily on me and never asked for more than they knew I could give them.

At the beginning of my solo sojourn, I decided that I would try my best to ensure that my children didn't become statistics to be counted in the negatives of single parenting. One way was to make my children feel no less loved than if they had two doting parents in their lives. I've probably been more fortunate than many in that I had great support from family and friends and so they were surrounded by many loving people.

All five children successfully graduated from high school and two have completed university while working part time and are now elementary school teachers. Another son is a successful realtor while a third son advanced from working in a warehouse to becoming a program analyst. My youngest son has traveled throughout Japan, Malaysia and Australia, all paid for by himself. He has recently received a promotion in his job but has not given up his love of travelling.

We have, through working and communicating together, become an exceptionally close family. The hard work was more than worth it. And the greatest thing of all is I now have five more best friends.