Being a Stay-At-Home Mom - How to Make the Decision

The decision on whether to be a stay-at-home mom or not should be made before the child is born so that, if necessary, plans can be made regarding daycare after maternity leave is finished. Do you want to be a stay-at-home mom? Many mothers don't feel this is for them. Are you one of them?

Before I had even made the decision to have children, I knew that I wanted to raise them myself even if it meant not having what others had. My decision was not based on 'If I could afford to stay at home' or 'how I was going to be able to afford to do so' but on 'do I want to be a stay-at-home mom and what was best for my children?' I found that with most things the 'how's' always seem to have a way of taking care of themselves once a firm decision has been made.

Because this may not be so cut-and-dried for some, I suggested to friends who were trying to make this decision that they first ask themselves the following important questions:

- Why do I want to be a stay-at-home mom?
- Will I have the patience to be with my children on a daily basis?
- Will staying at home affect how I see myself?
- Will it be advantageous for my children?
- Do I feel they will benefit from having a parent at home?
- Am I socially able to spend an entire day with children?
- Do I feel that being a stay-at-home mom is an important step in being a parent?
- Can I live without the extras in my life in order to raise my children myself instead of leaving their care to daycare staff?
- Do I want to make raising my children a journey to be remembered of the first step, the first word and all the other 'firsts' that are often missed by working parents?
- Do I feel that having children is primarily to have children or is it to experience all there is in being a parent?
- Do I want parenting to be but a small part of my life or do I want it to be my life to be fully enjoyed and savored?

In some cases, parents may decide that it is important that one parent stay home with the children and that it doesn't necessarily have to be the mother. The decision may be based on who makes the most money. Fathers are increasingly becoming the stay-at-home parent because often the woman's income exceeds that of the man.

At other times, the decision for a parent to stay home may not be a particular desire, but consideration of the expense of daycare for infants and toddlers who are still in diapers. Also, finding a good daycare is a difficult task. For many of the good daycares there are long waiting lists.

While my children were pre-schoolers, I believed very strongly that they should be raised by a parent rather than placed into a daycare atmosphere. For me the decision was a simple one.