The Best Gifts to Give the Parents of a Newborn Baby

The arrival of a brand new baby in any family is an exciting event for family and friends alike. The temptation is to rush out like everyone else does and get pink or blue of this or that. But what would really be the best and most appreciated gifts for parents of that wonderful new addition? The following are some ideas:

- Take casserole, lasagna or one-dish meals that can be put into the freezer. Bringing a little something for the baby would always be appreciated but not having to worry about cooking meals for the first week or so would be an especially appreciated gift. Every new parent is busy when they get home from the hospital, especially if there are other children that require care too. A new baby creates a complete change in the family unit until mom, dad and siblings have adjusted to the new arrival.
- Give gift certificates for pizza, Chinese or other food delivery services. New parents will appreciate any gift that will give them more time or that make things easier for them. Most parents of newborn babies get very little sleep in those first few weeks so energy will be running on low.
- Volunteer your time to do housework, laundry, cook meals that can be frozen, sterilize bottles, look after baby while mom gets some much needed sleep or run errands that may need to be done. This will be especially important if the new dad was not able to get time off work to help in those first few difficult and tiring weeks. Often new moms are having problems establishing a nursing routine, will have sore nipples or not enough milk which will add to the stress of being overly tired. Under circumstances such as these, everything becomes so much more difficult. Someone who is available to handle the extra chores would be appreciated by a new mother.
- If there are other children in the family, offer to take them for a few hours, a day or overnight and let the parents concentrate on the new baby. This will give the older child a chance to feel that he is having some special time for himself. This would be particularly helpful if there is any jealousy because of the new baby.
- Give a set of coupons of your own making that new parents can use at any time. These coupons could include: an evening of babysitting, vacuuming, gardening, chauffeuring, etc. There can be other ideas that will be more pertinent to each individual couple.
- Or, take the new baby for a walk so mom and dad can spend some time with the older child or children so they will not become jealous of their new sibling.

From my experience of having been the mother of five newborn babies, I know that the above ideas would have been very much appreciated and been my personal favorites. Another gift idea that is a little different from the usual ones of outfits and stuffed toys would be a grow chart. There are some very nicely decorated ones on wood that will last for years. They can be personalized with the baby's name also. Another one, if you are close to the family, is to do an album of the baby's first hours, first bath, including the parents and any older children.

All gifts for a new baby are welcome and appreciated but the gift of time, which most of the above gifts are, will probably be the best of all.

The Three Styles of Parenting

The style of parenting we each choose when raising our children may be determined based on how we were raised or it may be in reaction to how we were raised. It could also be based on a decision to be proactive by making the effort to read books or take classes on how best to parent our children. The following are the three main styles of parenting:

- Authoritarian - This style of parenting ensures that the parent is in control. They will make a particular effort to exert control over the child. Children will be given no choices and no reason why things can't be done other than how the parent wants it done. There are usually strict rules that are enforced and if the child does not adhere to these rules, they will be harshly punished. Parents who parent in this way are often critical of their children and will focus on bad behavior rather than good. Parents who practice an authoritarian style of parenting are generally not responsive or affectionate with their children. These children will often have difficulty thinking for themselves; will have lower self-esteem and will likely not be as happy as children raised in a different parenting style.

- Permissive - The permissive parent gives complete control to the child. They will have few rules, fewer routines and likely few boundaries, if any. Their parenting style is inconsistent because they don't follow through on anything. Their children will have many choices, and often ones that are inconsistent with their ages. They are indulgent parents who don't want to get involved in disputes with their children. For this reason there will be little discipline. These types of parents tend to be warm and loving and prefer to be their child's friend rather than a parent. Children raised by permissive parents are often not happy, may perform poorly in school and may have problems with authority figures.

- Democratic - The democratic parent will help their children learn to be responsible; to think about the consequences of their behavior; will have reasonable expectations for their children and will monitor their behavior. These parents focus on good behavior and if poor behavior is exhibited, a better way of doing something is explained or shown to the child rather than harshly punishing them. Choices are given to the child relative to their age. These parents are warm and loving and know that for good parenting to be effective a bond must be established between the parent and child. This style of parenting produces the most positive results with happier and more successful children.

A fourth, but not as common style of parenting is the Uninvolved Parent. This parent makes few demands on the child and will have limited communication with them. These parents will tend to lead lives that are full and complete but quite separate from their children. The children's basic needs are met but they receive little warmth and nurturing. These children will have less self-esteem and be less competent than children raised with other styles of parenting.

Because of the different parenting styles, and because each individual determines their parenting style based on various situations, a potential problem can arise when individual parents each have their own completely different styles of parenting. This will not only cause confusion with the children but can contribute to problems in coming to terms on mutual decisions when raising a family.

Although parenting can be one of the toughest jobs there is, it can also be one of the most satisfying. If we can approach parenting using a parenting style that is likely to be the most successful in raising happy and successful children, we will reap the rewards in later years, and so will our children.

Being a Stay-at-Home Mom - How to Manage Financially

If the desire to be a stay-at-home parent is strong enough, begin by assessing what can be done at home to bring in a little extra money and how savings can be made without anyone suffering. In an effort to be at home with my children, I realized that there were several ways I could accomplish this.

I discovered that there were jobs where I could take my children with me; I could have a small in-home business to work around my parenting timetable and/or I could save on costs in order to have more useable income. Over the time my five children were pre-schoolers, I employed all of these methods. It also helped considerably that my husband worked steadily and made decent money.

I began by considering the talents I had but especially what could be worked around my children's schedules, their ages and even their individual personalities. I realized there were several things I could do to earn extra money and which didn't disrupt time with my children.

- I did housecleaning and laundry for seniors while taking my children with me. (This worked when I had only one and two children. Thankfully, they were well behaved and by taking toys for them to play with, and letting them 'help', the situation worked quite well. It did not work as well when I had three children.)
- I then started a small daycare, looking after two and sometimes three extra children. (This worked well until my fifth child came along.)
- So I started a small in-home business begun when my fifth child was about one year old. (Here I went back to considering my talents). I had earlier purchased a small kiln and used it as a hobby. After taking some courses, I began to give instruction in ceramics after my children had been tucked into bed. I was able to have classes three evenings a week and eventually it expanded to 36 students. These continued until my fifth child began school.

To contribute also to the amount earned, I cut costs where I could and saved in areas where I could do things myself:

- I made many of the children's clothes when they were small as well as many of my own. I was also happy with hand-me-downs and shopped at discount outlets.
- I cut the children's hair myself, as well as my own. It's true that I wasn't a fashion leader but that wasn't my aim at that time. (It still isn't).
- I made Christmas gifts, birthday gifts, Christmas ornaments and Hallowe'en costumes.
- I sewed and did my own home decorations, recovered our sofa and chair, made curtains, drapes, bedspreads and decorative pillows.
- I used coupons and watched for specials and sales.
- Baking was done from scratch.
- Vacations were simple family camping trips and occasionally included a special trip such as Disneyland.
- I swapped outgrown children's clothes with friends.
- Took turns babysitting.
- Served basic wholesome food rather than more expensive gourmet foods or fancy sugary concoctions like some of the cereals offered.
- Purchased from the day-old bins. In this way food costs were reduced considerably.
- We reused and recycled.
- We made up games and friends and family were a large part of our social life.

There are many ways to be financially creative. Saving and being economical became something our whole family participated in especially as the children grew old enough to understand the value of money. Children don't need to have the latest toys advertised on T.V. and they can be taught to be creative in their play. I found that probably one of the most important things when trying to save is not being tempted into spending money on something that wasn't absolutely necessary.

Many people emphatically declare that it takes two people to work nowadays in order to raise a family. I disagree that this is an absolute necessity. In my opinion, it depends how badly you want to raise your own children versus having nice furniture, a new home to show off, new cars in the driveway, tendy clothes and everything else that goes with this lifestyle. (There are many single moms and dads raising children alone on one income so the arguement of 'it takes the income of two parents working to raise a family' is not particularly valid.)

And I believe that with a little thought, and energy, almost everyone can be financially creative and resourceful. It is worth the effort if being a stay-at-home mom is a priority in your life.

Being a Stay-At-Home Mom - How to Make the Decision

The decision on whether to be a stay-at-home mom or not should be made before the child is born so that, if necessary, plans can be made regarding daycare after maternity leave is finished. Do you want to be a stay-at-home mom? Many mothers don't feel this is for them. Are you one of them?

Before I had even made the decision to have children, I knew that I wanted to raise them myself even if it meant not having what others had. My decision was not based on 'If I could afford to stay at home' or 'how I was going to be able to afford to do so' but on 'do I want to be a stay-at-home mom and what was best for my children?' I found that with most things the 'how's' always seem to have a way of taking care of themselves once a firm decision has been made.

Because this may not be so cut-and-dried for some, I suggested to friends who were trying to make this decision that they first ask themselves the following important questions:

- Why do I want to be a stay-at-home mom?
- Will I have the patience to be with my children on a daily basis?
- Will staying at home affect how I see myself?
- Will it be advantageous for my children?
- Do I feel they will benefit from having a parent at home?
- Am I socially able to spend an entire day with children?
- Do I feel that being a stay-at-home mom is an important step in being a parent?
- Can I live without the extras in my life in order to raise my children myself instead of leaving their care to daycare staff?
- Do I want to make raising my children a journey to be remembered of the first step, the first word and all the other 'firsts' that are often missed by working parents?
- Do I feel that having children is primarily to have children or is it to experience all there is in being a parent?
- Do I want parenting to be but a small part of my life or do I want it to be my life to be fully enjoyed and savored?

In some cases, parents may decide that it is important that one parent stay home with the children and that it doesn't necessarily have to be the mother. The decision may be based on who makes the most money. Fathers are increasingly becoming the stay-at-home parent because often the woman's income exceeds that of the man.

At other times, the decision for a parent to stay home may not be a particular desire, but consideration of the expense of daycare for infants and toddlers who are still in diapers. Also, finding a good daycare is a difficult task. For many of the good daycares there are long waiting lists.

While my children were pre-schoolers, I believed very strongly that they should be raised by a parent rather than placed into a daycare atmosphere. For me the decision was a simple one.

The Impact of Moving on a Family

Adults, as well as children, will feel the stress of moving from one home to another. However children, depending on their ages, are likely to be the most affected by a move.

For adults, the stress of packing up, changing utility services and addresses, unpacking and getting established in a new home while still trying to maintain children's regular schedules is particuarly challenging. For children and adults, any move requires time to adjust to the new environment. For most of us, changes are not readily embraced.

However, in the majority of cases adults have the advantage of adjusting more quickly because they have been the ones to make the choice to move. Children have had no say in making the decision and may feel that everything is out of their control. As a result, they are likely to feel powerless with these usually unwanted changes in their lives.

Infants, toddlers and pre-schoolers usually adjust quite quickly especially if they have been prepared in advance for the upcoming move. If regular routines such as naps, meals and bedtimes are adhered to and favorite toys and blankets are available, young children will quickly become comfortable with their new surroundings.

School-age children quite often have a more difficult time adjusting to this change in their lives. They may feel alone and angry. They will likely be going to a new school and will have to face making new friends. For some children who are particularly outgoing, they will adjust quickly but for others, it may be some time before new friendships can be made and new groups established. They have left their friends and perhaps even some family members behind particularly if divorce has been the cause for the move. If they are grieving for several reasons, the move will be even more difficult for them to adapt to and accept.

For older children and teenagers in particular, moves can have negative consequences on their learning. Studies indicate that children who have recently moved will often have problems in school. The incidence of bullying is prevalent for new students in a school; they are the odd man out until they have established a new group of friends.

Moving is considered to be one of the most stressful experiences a family can face. Children particularly may experience a loss in their feelings of security and can be confused. Often children, even older ones, won't understand their feelings of anger and confusion. Moving for some can sometimes be an exciting adventure but for older children, this is not always the case. Moves to distant towns are particularly stressful for school-age children.

In order to make the move as stress-free as possible for children, it will be important for the adults in their lives to be organized and to remain as calm as possible. The smoother a move, the easier it will be for all concerned.

The Importance of Keeping a High Priority on Family Time

As the parent of five children, now grown, I feel very strongly about the importance of family time. This time is as necessary for the children as it is for the adults in the family. Every day of our lives we learn new things and mature into the people we will become - who best to do this with than our own family members.

Only parents can impart the values they wish their children to learn; it cannot be left to someone else; it would be their values and not those of the parents. What and who you become will depend a lot upon those values your parents taught you either by their spoken word or by their actions.

Within their family unit children will learn how to handle anger; disagreements and how to make decisions. As parents how we do these things are important because our children will follow our role model. How children in the family view situations such as these will help them to develop their personalities.

In stable family situations where family time is given a high priority, children will grow up feeling confident, with better self-esteem and will feel secure within themselves and in their lives. Emotional strength and stability is developed through strong family ties. In a stable family, and one that values family time, children will grow up feeling protected and secure in their family unit.

In a home where family time is readily shared and appreciated, children will develop by learning the importance of family and knowing that they are loved. In close families there is much communication and goals and education are encouraged. If this is the case, children will often follow their parent's career choices, i.e.: possibly becoming teachers, dentists or doctors.

In close families where family time is considered to be important, there is usually a family comes first attitude. Children will grow up, like their parents, to believe that family and family time is an important aspect of their lives.

Setting aside family time is also important for teaching children their family history. No one can do this but their parents and other close family members. It is important that these memories and stories be passed from one generation to another. Having a bond with those family members that have gone before us solidifies our own feelings of belonging and being a valued member of our family. We are now part of the story that will be passed along to future generations.

When families spend time together, they usually have family traditions; old ones that have been passed down and new ones that are started as circumstances in our lives change. Family traditions seem to help make families closer or perhaps it is that close families are the ones that encourage family traditions.

The importance of time spent together as a family can never be underestimated. I believe strongly that those who value this time spent together as a family will see the rewards as their children grow older.

10 Money Saving Tips for Single Parents

As a single parent, I initially found that one of the most difficult aspects of raising children on my own was the financial struggle. But by practicing some money saving techniques, I was able to raise my five children without too much of a hardship.

The most effective way of doing this was to reduce expenses. This can be done in many ways but the following are the ten best ways I discovered to do it:

1. Share and trade with friends, relatives and colleagues such things as children's clothes, outgrown toys and baby requirements, etc. Bartering also is a good way of getting what you need and giving what you have. Examples of this would be: a friend can do haircuts and you can do resumes, or you will babysit and your friend is an excellent seamstress. Basically, bartering is an exchange of goods and services between people without money changing hands.
2. Do not be wasteful. The old saying, 'waste not, want not' certainly applies when trying to live on a limited income. This means using all leftovers, not getting rid of things just because you're tired of them, and wearing things out. If your sofa is worn, make do with what you have. If it is really bad, buy second-hand or look in the free columns. Shop at second-hand or thrift shops and take the time to look around for the best deals in everything. Save those pennies that don't seem to be worth anything. Added together they can make the difference between having a treat or not.
3. If you own a car, cnsider how to cut down the costs of operating your vehicle. Drive sensibly keeping in mind the cost of gas by planning your route and doing errands along the way so other trips won't have to be made. Invest in a small economical car rather than one of the larger ones. Share your drive with others in order to help pay for the gas. Sometimes the cost of owning a car is not feasible. If that is the case, other transportation options such as transit or bicycling could be considered.
4. Avoid debt. In order to help do this catalogue expenses daily to help you realize where your money is going. In this way you will be able to determine what you can do without and wasteful spending can be avoided. Another helpful way is to make a list of what is needed before you go shopping. This will control impulse buying. Avoid also using a credit card - it is the quickest way to slide into debt.
5. Take advantage of special offers. Many utility services offer packaged deals which are usually more economical than buying individually. Basic package deals are also less expensive. This may encourage watching less television. Also apply for rebates and make use of coupons.
6. Don't eat out. Taking your own lunch to work will save many dollars each week compared to going out for lunch every day. Restaurants and even fast food outlets are very expensive. Another savings can be to drink water instead of buying pop or coffee out. Even one cup of coffee a day will add up over a month.
7. Smoking and drinking are other expenses that will kill even the most carefully designed budget.
8. Associate with other frugal and thrifty-minded single parents so as to avoid being tempted to keep up or feel included. Those who are in the same financial position will have other ideas on how to reduce their expenses too. They will also increase the number of people who will be interested in bartering and sharing.
9. Other savings within the home will be to only run your dishwasher and washer when there is a full load; invest in a low flow shower head, and buy in bulk.
10. Do you need it or do you want it? When I was a single parent I found remembering the difference between the two saved me a lot of money. In almost all cases, with a few days' thought before a purchase, I realized that most things were a want and not an absolute need.

I also discovered that it made it easier when I involved my children in helping me with these money saving strategies. By encouraging them to be part of the saving process, they learned to be thrifty too.

Single Parenting - The Perceptions and the Reality

As a single parent, I discovered that the image and perception of single parent families was often one of welfare, rebellious and delinquent children, school drop-outs, unhappiness and negativity. It was rare to see a good picture painted of a single parent family.

I discovered however that there were many like mine who don't fit into that stereotype of misery. Now that my children have grown, I realize that being a single parent gave me the opportunity to teach my children valuable lessons. By working, even though they were low paid jobs, I taught them that welfare was not an option. I was able to show them the importance of pulling our weight in society; of contributing to a common cause; of working together as a family, and the value of becoming a member of a team. We may not have had what our neighbors had in some respects but in others, we had so much more.

One little girl in the neighborhood told me that her mother didn't let her have friends over because the house got messy. I'm not afraid to admit our house was often messy but our house was also full of children who laughed, had fun and enjoyed themselves because they were allowed to be children; they were allowed to be messy.

Single parenting is like trying to run a marathon with only one leg; although still difficult, with the help of a prosthesis, it can be done. I also discovered ways to make my job a little easier.

I took the time to talk with and have fun with my children even if it meant the floor didn't get washed, the coffee table dusted or the laundry folded. These things don't really matter in the big scheme of things. I tried to face the challenges of single parenting head on one day at a time; learned to be content and thankful for what I had, ie.: children I loved and knowing that I was doing the best I could. I tried to role model what I expected from my children; made my family my priority; tried to see the humor in situations and c oncentrated more on the positive things than on the negatives. I tried to concentrate on what issues were the most important to me, i.e.: those relating to safety and manners and overlooking those not considered quite as important such as a tidy bedroom. Life became much easier when everything wasn't a hassle. I felt it was important to enjoy my children in the short time I had them before they began to make their own way in the world.

Because the biggest difficulty of single parenting is the struggle financially, we learned as a family to be creative and resourceful. As a result my children developed excellent work ethics by having part-time jobs at young ages; they learned how to stretch a dollar; they worked towards what they wanted and never had their hand out expecting things to be handed to them. In many ways my children were fortunate to have grown up poorer than many. They have learned respect - for me, for what they have, for others and for the values that have been instilled in them. They never leaned too heavily on me and never asked for more than they knew I could give them.

At the beginning of my solo sojourn, I decided that I would try my best to ensure that my children didn't become statistics to be counted in the negatives of single parenting. One way was to make my children feel no less loved than if they had two doting parents in their lives. I've probably been more fortunate than many in that I had great support from family and friends and so they were surrounded by many loving people.

All five children successfully graduated from high school and two have completed university while working part time and are now elementary school teachers. Another son is a successful realtor while a third son advanced from working in a warehouse to becoming a program analyst. My youngest son has traveled throughout Japan, Malaysia and Australia, all paid for by himself. He has recently received a promotion in his job but has not given up his love of travelling.

We have, through working and communicating together, become an exceptionally close family. The hard work was more than worth it. And the greatest thing of all is I now have five more best friends.

How to Keep a Family Happy

Everybody wants to have a happy family but many people don't know what to do in order to accomplish this. The following is a list of traits that will help towards making this a reality.

- Have harmony and peace within your family. Living in harmony is more likely to be a reality if your life is organized. When things are orderly, it is easier to be calm and it is less likely that chaos will reign.
- Be committed to your family in general and to each individual within the family unit. Family should come before work, social life, or self. Each member within a family should be willing to forego their own gratification for the sake of their family.
- Let your family know that you appreciate them and what they do; be positive when expressing your appreciation.
- Spend time with your family; even families can become strangers if they don't communicate and spend time together. Time spent together will build memories for sharing in the future.
- Have fun together and enjoy each other's company; families can be friends too.
- Be there for each other. When I think of who I can count on, my family members are the first that jump to mind.
- Support each other and pull together in a crisis.
- Show affection for your family and be considerate of them; often people treat their friends better than they do family members.
- Try to develop some common interests and goals.
- Be flexible and accepting of differences. Each of us is different; just because we do something a certain way does not neccessarily mean it is the only way to do it.
- Show each other respect; be trustworthy and honest.
- When you have made a mistake, admit it and try to make amends. Never hesitate to say, 'I'm sorry'. We all do make mistakes but the situation becomes worse if the wrong doer insists he is right.
- Have regular family get togethers and laugh a lot. Having a sense of humor helps through the rough spots.
- Occasionally let older children share in some of the decision-making.
- Keep promises that have been made.

My family, consisting of five grown children and their families, are all very close. We have regular family occasions for birthdays (and there are a lot in a family this size), Easter, Thanksgiving and of course, Christmas and New Years Day dinner. When someone in the family moves, we're all there to help out. My sons go to hockey games together; some of the women go to flea markets and others of us get together for a glass of wine. Besides these whole family occasions, individually we sometimes get together for lunch - because we like each other.

We phone each other for suggestions, recipes and chats. We share items we no longer need, giving our family members first opportunity to claim the item. One son just gave my daughter their coffee table; I gave one son my silver wine glasses which he loves. My daughter passes her clothes on to me and grandchildren's clothes are shared. And I babysit my grandchildren.

Admittedly having a close family situation such as this is easier for us than for many others. We are continuing a way of living that has been going on for many years in our family. We don't have to start a new way of doing things; only ensure that we continue to respect, love and honor our family and to remember that what we give comes back to us many times over.

Be The Glue That Keeps Your Family Together

For families that are strong and who work well together, there is usually one family member who is the glue or the hub of the family unit. How can you be the person that keeps your family strong and together?

- Show that you love and respect your family.
- Be there for your family and be willing to help when required.
- Help your family find creative solutions to problems.
- Do not be controlling or overly involved in relationships with family members.
- Show strength by role modeling.
- Encourage family unity and be the leader in doing this.
- Be flexible and calm.

My daughter has always called me the 'hub' of the family. I do always seem to know what is going on within the family and where everyone is. Anytime somebody wants to know something, they call me. Even when I'm on vacation, they instinctively feel I will know what is happening with the family. This is the situation with my brothers as well as my children.

I believe that communication is part of the glue. Because I am open with my own thoughts and feelings, as a result they undoubtedly feel comfortable doing the same with me. It is necessary to be non-judgmental when others tell you how they feel. Giving an opinion unless asked can sometimes cause problems; sometimes people just want to unload. I know from my own experience that often just talking about a situation crystallizes the problem and makes me feel better because someone has listened.

Listening is helpful when it comes to keeping families together and making them stronger. Everyone wants to talk to someone who they know is listening to them and understands how they feel. It is particularly disconcerting when someone constantly switches the conversation around to themselves and their own interests.

Showing an interest in what others are doing is important. If you are interested, people will know. Being interested doesn't mean infringing on others' personal business however. Asking questions that are too personal will make a person clam up. People will talk about the heart of their problems when they are ready to do so.

Set aside time for someone if they wish to talk to you. There is always time for family and especially for a family member who has something that is bothering him/her. Also show genuine concern when someone is upset. Often all a person needs is a sympathetic ear.

You will find that you are the glue if you are the person family members want to call when they are happy and proud about something wonderful that has happened to them. If you are the glue they will also call you when they're upset. You will be the one the rest of the family knows will hold the family together in times of crisis. You will be the hub that the family revolves around.