Five Things to Do to Help Make Next Year Your Best Year Ever

There are things each of us can do, no matter what our situation is, to improve our lives. In most cases sitting and waiting for wonderful things to happen to us will not be the way to do it. The following are some of the things we can do:

1.Start by having a positive attitude. A positive attitude helps us to be more optimistic and to be better able to avoid negativity in our lives. It makes us happier, able to see the bright side of things and therefore the opportunities that are available to us. By having a positive attitude, our expectations are increased and if we expect good things to happen, they are more likely to than if we expect the worst. If we have a positive attitude we believe in ourselves and our abilities. And by being positive, people will react more favorably to us.

2.Set realistic goals and work towards them. Anything is possible. Realistic goals are ones you know you can realistically handle, i.e.: you probably wouldn't have time to go to the gym for an hour five days a week if you have several young children, a full-time job and a sick mother you are required to help look after. It might be more realistic to go twice a week for half an hour. Or, if you decide you want to lose twenty pounds in a week, that isn't realistic or healthy. It would be more realistic, and easier, to lose ten pounds in a month. Realistic goals keep a person focused and motivated but the goal has to work for you; and it must be one that you seriously want to attain.

3.Make life happen; don't let it just happen to you. If we sit around and wait for good things to happen to us, they won't. i.e.: if we want a better social life, we can organize fun things to do ourselves rather than wait for someone else to do it for us; we can take the initiative and be the leader. This can be done in any area of our lives whether it is with friends, family or in the workplace.

4.Get a handle on your financial situation so you control it and it doesn't control you. Begin with a budget, making sure you pay the necessary things like rent, food, heat and electricity before you spend money on things that are not absolute requirements. Being on a budget will help to keep you out of debt. Involve the whole family in helping to improve your financial situation. Encourage older children to get part-time jobs so they can pay for extra things they wish and for spending money. If you look around you will see there are other ways to earn a little extra money through other people's wastefulness. i.e.: collect and return pop and beer cans, etc. Or shop at consignment outlets, look for bargains and use coupons.

5.Make the effort to change things in your life that you are not happy with rather than just complaining about them. i.e.: if you are not happy with your job, look for another one (find one before you quit though); if the relationship in your life is causing you some unhappiness, decide how is the best way to resolve the problem; if you are feeling unhappy in general, only you can do something about it. No one else can make you happy, happiness has to come from within.

On the first day of each new year, open your eyes and say to yourself, 'today is the first day of a better life for myself' and begin by taking charge of your life and instituting changes that will make it better.

What Are The Benefits of Music to Young Children?

Research indicates that early introduction to music helps develop young brains, strengthens listening abilities and assists with problem-solving skills. Singing to a baby from birth can include such old classical rhyming poems such as: Humpty Dumpty, Baa Baa Black Sheep and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. The following are some of the main reasons why introducing music to your young child is important.

- Music provides opportunities to develop social skills. It assists children in being creative. Music can be incorporated into a child's play. This will be advantageous to children because play is really a young child's version of work.
- Singing is verbal play with rhymes and melodies which help children with speech development. Research indicates that music can give children a head start; they are better able to verbalize, are more aware, better able to reason and it increases their cognitive skills.
- The most important brain development takes place in the first six years of their life. Music has been proven to have positive affects on the brain. I have seen this happen with my two year old granddaughter who has had music as a large part of her life since birth. She has been able to carry on a conversation since she was eighteen months old and is able to read such words as gorilla, chimpanzee, giraffe and elephant at an age when most can barely say the words. She also has a fairly good repertoire of songs she can sing on her own.
- Music makes children less inhibited. They enjoy the wonders of sound and are naturally receptive to rhythm and dancing. For this reason, music encourages creativity and interaction in non-threatening ways.
- Motor skills are developed also with the use of musical instruments and dancing to a beat. Involvement with music develops the skills of concentration, coordination and encourages self-esteem and confidence. As a further benefit, music stimulates the senses. At an age where the brain is developing so quickly, this will help the child not only now but as he/she furthers their education and emotional and social development.
- Music of any kind further aides emotional well-being and calms and focuses the mind. Even as an adult I have found this to be true.

What better time to start than now when there are so many Christmas songs that children enjoy while they focus on the exciting day ahead. Most children enjoy songs such as: Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, Jingle Bells and Here Comes Santa Claus. They are fun, lively and can be interactive. But there are many other fun and interactive songs that children also enjoy such as: The Wheels On The Bus, The Eensy Weensy Spider, Old MacDonald Had a Farm, The Farmer in the Dell and Whistle While you Work, to name but a few. So take the time to enjoy singing and dancing with your young child.

The Meaning of Christmas - How We Can Help Others

What Christmas means to us will depend on many things. For the more fortunate of us, it will mean something very different than for those who are going through a difficult time. How do we share our good fortune in order to give Christmas more meaning?

Christmas for many is a feeling of joy; a feeling of warmth and love and time spent together with family and friends. It is a feeling of wanting to share, of giving and thinking of others who are not as fortunate. And for others it is about decorating, baking Christmas goodies, and getting stressed and overly anxious. For many also it is a time to celebrate their religion.

For children it is often about the presents and what they are going to get and the excitement of Santa coming. It may also be about the fun things there are to do during this time of the year - seeing light displays, visiting Santa, making gingerbread houses and the Christmas concert at school.

For those who are not so fortunate, ones without families or perhaps with only a few friends, with little or no money, or for someone whose family lives far away or who has recently become widowed or divorced, it will mean loneliness, unhappiness and another difficult time to get through. If we are one of the fortunate ones, the following are some ideas of how we can reach out and help someone else during the Christmas season:

- We can invite someone to share Christmas Day with us who would otherwise be alone;
- We can give a hamper to help a family through the season;
- We can give gifts to their children;
- We can take someone who has few friends or no family out for lunch;
- We can make an effort to phone a lonely person several times during the Christmas season to let them know that someone is thinking about them;
- We can encourage others to share and hold out their hand in friendship to someone who would otherwise be lonely at this time of the year;
- We can include them in things we may be doing, i.e.: invite them along to go tobogganing or to play in the snow with our children; invite them over for tea and if they have children, for a play date with our children;
- We can look outside of ourselves and our own families to see what we can do for others less fortunate during this holiday season when being alone feels more lonely than at any other time of the year.

If we do something for someone else, even if it is only one thing, it will enhance our own Christmas and our feelings about what the season is all about.

Young Children - The Benefits of Doing Educational Activities With Children at an Early Age

One-on-one time spent doing educational activities with young children helps to develop their brains from as early as newborn and on. According to studies, it not only increases their verbal skills but enhances their early abilities towards reading and other accomplishments.

Beginning to do educational activities with newborns is not too early. Talking to your baby will help them to learn the spoken language; not only to be able to understand, but also to increase their ability to verbalize.

Early introduction to music is important also because babies are sensitive to the sound of music. Even hearing music before their birth will have a calming effect on them. As adults music lifts our moods and will make us smile or cry with emotion; the same is true for young children. My son and daughter-in-law played music before their baby was born. And as a newborn, they sang songs to her and played calming music for naps and night time. When she was about seventeen months old, she loved Silent Night and although she cried emotionally each time she heard it, she wanted to hear it over and over again. Now at just over two years, she spends a lot of time singing and sometimes plays her flute while she dances to music. Because of this early introduction, it seems that music is playing a large part in her life.

The brain builds itself by forcing connections through learning. Babies love to learn and are little sponges in their first few years of life. There are videos available for babies that show the alphabet and numbers and then eases them into the introduction of words. My son and daughter-in-law began using them on a daily basis when their daughter was six months old and are strong advocates of their use. Now at twenty-eight months she is able to read many of her own books herself. Although she enjoys imaginary playtime and the usual things young children play, (i.e.: playing with her dolls, having tea parties, playing at the park and visiting with her cousins, etc.), she always gravitates to her educational games.

As babies grow, there are many educational activities for as early as 12 months or sooner which include books and games about shapes, colours, matching sequences, building blocks, large lego pieces and counting games. Activities such as these are enjoyable for young children when mom and dad are spending time with them. Of my seven grandchildren, she is the only one whose parents have implemented this type of early learning and I can definitely see the advantages of it to her.

Although beginning early reading with a very young child is considered controversial by some, education is becoming more and more important in the world of today. This is evidenced by the all-day kindergarten classes now being held in many areas. I believe that for those who do begin early educational activities, they are giving their children a definite advantage over those who are just beginning to learn their alphabet and numbers in kindergarten.

Aging Parents - How To Handle Their Fears

As people reach their elder years, they become more vulnerable as their feelings of confidence and the ability to care for themselves becomes less. Many elderly are unable to verbalize their fears. As their children and relatives it is up to us to determine what these fears are so we can help them.

My mother, at ninety years old, has many fears and each time she is hospitalized, they are like demons staring her in the face. Her first fear, and justifiably so after being hospitalized following a fall, was losing her independence. Combined with a very serious bladder infection, the result was that she was unable to drive again. This is a huge adjustment for a senior, especially one who had until then been very active.

Another fear, and again justifiable, was losing her dignity as she felt happened when she was ill in the hospital and unable to do many of the required things for herself. Being forced to be more reliant on others she felt was an extreme affront. This is very difficult for someone who has always relied on themselves and been very independent until her 87th year.

For her, fear of another fall became huge also because although she was fortunate not to have broken any bones, she was extremely afraid of a broken hip. And as most seniors further lose their independence, they fear isolation and loneliness as well. They see their friends dying around them and may wonder what is the use of living. Others may begin to fear dying themselves. As my mother said recently, she has too many things she wants to do yet. Many also fear becoming a burden on their families.

My mother fears having a stroke and being paralyzed. She said she would rather die with a massive heart attack. And since she has recently seen a friend die with cancer, she now has a fear of getting a recurrence of her cancer.

As seniors' brains begin to work more slowly and their memory isn't what it used to be, the fear of getting dimentia or Alzheimers is high. My mother, like many seniors, rails against being hard of hearing but she fears losing her eyesight even more since she is an avid reader.

Many others have financial fears and concerns as to their futures and others, when it is necessary to go into an assisted living type of situation, fear giving up their possessions. There are many in this generation, because of growing up in the Great Depression, have been hoarders and value their many possessions, not wishing to give any of them up even if they have no idea what they've got stashed away. And others fear losing their rights and the ability to make their own decisions.

Knowing and understanding the fears our parents or grandparents have, it is up to us as adult children to help them through this difficult time. The following are some ideas which may be helpful in assisting them:

- respect how your aging parents feel - validate their feelings;
- be understanding of their fears and give your support and love;
- listen to what your parent is really saying – keep the lines of communication open;
- help in any way possible to find solutions to their fears, i.e.: get a raised toilet seat to make getting on and off the toilet easier, get a bed rail to assist them in getting out of bed, look into daily help or if necessary, assisted living if more help is required, take them for regular doctor's appointments, make sure that they are not isolated, ensure that their diets are nutritional and that medications are taken as required;
- since falling is a serious fear, if your parent is unsteady on his/her feet, look into the need or possibility of a walker, make sure they are wearing stable shoes and hip protectors, and remove throw rugs and any other obstacles which may trip them.

My mother lives in an assisted living facility and her fears are no different than most of the other residents who also live there.

If we understand that most of these fears are valid, it is easier to assist our elderly parents. As adult children to our aging parents, I believe it is important to do what we can to make their remaining years as comfortable as possible.

Memory Loss and the Elderly

Memory loss in the elderly was once considered inevitable especially after the age of seventy. Studies now show that it can be slowed down and even improved upon.

Some of the initial signs of these memory losses are:

- forgetting a person's name;
- forgetting the right word to use;
- forgetting where they put something, i.e.: their house keys;
- asking the same question over and over again;
- telling the same story over and over again;
- being confused with times and places;
- driving difficulties and getting lost in familiar places.

Gradual memory loss will not interfere with everyday activities. More serious memory loss that has an underlying basis in disease or depression, etc. is more than just forgetting things; it causes problems with thinking, reasoning, communicating and emotions. These include things like forgetting how to do something they once knew how to do. If this type of memory loss is suspected, it is wise to consult your family doctor.

Mild cognitive impairment (memory loss) appears, according to studies, to be slightly higher in men than in women. It's thought that men may begin to experience symptoms earlier but more gradually than women but with women, once memory loss begins, it will be more rapid.

Memory loss depends to a large extent on the physical health, lifestyle and educational level of the senior. Distractions, fatigue, poor concentration, emotional problems, lack of confidence and negativity can all add to seniors' problems with memory. Some over-the-counter drug combinations can also cause difficulties as can the excessive use of alcohol or drugs.

By exercising the brain and practicing memory skills, memory loss can easily be maintained. The popular saying to use it or lose it, is a good rule to follow.

Some of the ways of avoiding the risk of memory loss that will affect normal everyday life are to avoid smoking, to control high blood pressure, to eat a balanced diet and to lead an active lifestyle. It is especially important to keep the mind stimulated and busy. There are vitamins and minerals that the elderly can take to help slow the progress of memory loss as well. They are in the Vitamin B group of vitamins as well as iron, zinc and Omega 3. It is also important to avoid distractions, to focus and to listen closely. Maintaining social relationships will help greatly in slowing memory loss in the elderly too.

However, in some cases what may appear to be memory loss may not be entirely that but rather a general slowing down of the thinking process as people reach their elder years of mid-sixties and beyond. But no one can go wrong by following the suggestions of maintaining their current levels as mentioned above.

How to Have Fun While Keeping Expenses on a Tight Leash

For many who live on limited incomes, having fun often doesn't seem possible; life is a grind just to make ends meet sometimes. But it can be done by checking your community calendar, watching your local newspaper or researching online for ideas on free or economical things to do.

When weather permits there are many ways to enjoy the outdoors with no cost or at minimal expense. The following are some ideas:

- there are many places to go for walks and for the more adventurous, most communities have areas with hiking trails;
- go to a local lake or the ocean for a day of swimming, building sandcastles or flying a kite;
- go to a marina and watch sailboats race;
- go kayaking or canoeing;
- take a picnic to your local park, have a game of frisbee, throw a ball around or collect colorful fall leaves;
- explore your neighborhood and go biking at the same time;
- become a photographer and take pictures wherever you go;
- spend an afternoon picking strawberries, blueberries or blackberries and then go home and make jam or a pie;
- play badminton, bocci ball or croquet;
- go camping by a creek and fish for trout;
- get friends together and have a game of baseball or soccer;
- in the winter go to the mountains and toboggan;
- build a snowman, a fort or have a snowball fight;
- if you're fortunate enough to have lakes that freeze in the winter, go ice skating;
- at Christmas time, go on a tree hunting expedition and cut your own;
- go to the pumpkin patch or the corn maze in the fall;
- take the children to the petting zoo;
- go to a bird sanctuary when many of them are wintering;
- go for a walk and enjoy a sunset.

When the weather isn't quite so nice, there are still many things that can be done that are reasonably priced or free. The following are some:

- spend an afternoon visiting the library;
- get friends or family together for board games, cards or charades;
- have potluck parties with friends;
- browse through a bookstore or spend a pleasant afternoon reading;
- go to garage sales, flea markets or a craft fair;
- start a challenging puzzle;
- get friends and family together for an evening of watching videos or DVD's;
- start a new hobby;
- learn a new skill;
- look for free or economical exhibits, events or entertainment;
- look for coupons and use them;
- during holidays there are always attractions such as a visit to Santa, various parades, looking at Christmas light exhibits and the many other festivities there are at this time of the year;
- paint and decorate eggs at Easter time;
- do a craft project with your children.

If you know where to look and are open to suggestions and new ideas, there will always be something fun to do that will fit into even the tightest budget.

Single Parent Families - Twenty Hints on How to Manage Financially

Stretching our hard-earned dollars, regardless of what our income is, puts more money into our pocket to spend on necessities or for the occasional treat. The following suggestions will work for most people or can be adapted to suit each family depending on their needs.

The following are some general money-saving suggestions:

1. Cut up your credit cards and use cash only. There can be no temptation to overspend if you are only using cash. In order for this to properly work, it will be important to have a budget.
2. Utility costs can be reduced by either packaging your utilities and/or getting the basics only.
3. Use cellphone for emergencies only; stay within your allotted minutes, or use a pay-as-you-go cellphone plan.
4. Borrow DVD's and CD's, as well as magazines from the library and avoid the cost of purchases, going to movies or rentals of videos; or trade with friends.
5. Take advantage of all refunds and rebates available.
6. Look for bargains. There are many places to go if you shop around, i.e.: flea markets, garage sales, discount outlets and consignment shops.
7. Make your coffee at home rather than stopping at a coffee outlet.
8. Avoid luxuries – they are exactly that and not necessary. Rather than buy a newspaper every day, most news can be read online, make your own greeting cards, reuse wrapping paper or use plain brown paper when wrapping gifts. At Christmas I use brown paper for my gifts and red crepe paper for the ribbon – it costs almost nothing and looks very elegant.
9. Instead of going out for dinner, socialize by entertaining friends at your home potluck style – it won't break anyone's bank.
10. Cut out snacks and avoid using the vending machines, you'll save money and be healthier for it as well.
11. Make sure all products such as shampoo, dish soap, toothpaste and ketchup are completely finished before assigning them to the garbage basket.
12. Every small savings adds up whether it's a penny here or there or half an inch of ketchup in the bottom of the container.
13. Make your own wine, it is cheaper than buying it.
14. Barter your services or goods for what someone else has to offer.
15. When grocery shopping, never go without a list – never impulse buy and never shop when hungry.
16. Use coupons, buy bulk food items, buy store brands (there is most often little difference in taste), buy case lots on items that are frequently used, look for bargains and buy on sale.
17. When buying in bulk, freeze the extra food for other meals, this is especially true in the summer when fresh produce is plentiful and less expensive.
18. Use leftovers – reinvent them for another meal, i.e.: many things can be added to the soup pot or add leftover vegetables to a stir fry or fried rice.
19. Gas expenses for your car can be reduced by planning your trips, taking public transit, bicycling, walking or carpooling.
20. Many things can be made rather than bought which will save money, i.e.: kid's Hallowe'en costumes, gifts, Christmas decorations or baking and cooking from scratch.

There are many other ways to save if we just realize that the basic thing to remember is the importance of reducing expenses. Once that becomes ingrained, stretching your money and saving will become an automatic habit.

Thanksgiving Day Family Traditions

Thanksgiving means many things to different people. For some it is a chance to get together with friends to watch football and for many others, it is an opportunity to spend time with family. The following are some of the ways to celebrate Thanksgiving traditions with your family:

For many people this holiday is not complete without turkey and pumpkin pie; it is our traditional Thanksgiving meal. And although the holiday celebration tends to center around the meal, there can be much more to this family celebration than just food.

It is a time to enjoy the family traditions you now have and to create new ones. It is a chance for cousins to visit and play together; for adults and older children to play board games and enjoy each others company; to relax, watch a football game or reminisce about those special memories of those who are unable to be there. For others, it is a time when children look forward to pulling the wishbone and making a wish. This is usually the time that the older siblings draw names for Christmas gift-giving in our family and an opportunity to remind everyone to make up their Christmas list.

One of our traditions is we have a Thanksgiving runner for the table where everyone can write on it in a permanent marker to say what they are thankful for. Another one is a game we play as a family based on each individual's uniqueness. An example of the questions are:

- Who is calm, collected and organized?
- Who can belly dance?
- Who is sometimes the absent-minded professor?
- Who meditates?
- Who is allergic to bees?
- Who is the Queen of Substitutions?
- Who bought a car based solely on how clean the engine was?
- Who counts steps and tiles while walking or sitting in a public area?
- Which two people in the family have broken their left wrists?

This is an example of the many types of questions that can be asked and works particularly well in large families,. It's a fun game too while everyone tries to guess who in the family it is. This is especially true if the questions and answers are humorous. Most families probably have many such questions that they could think of adding to their game.

Another family tradition is having each member bring a food item to put into a Thanksgiving basket for a less fortunate family. Perhaps each year a different family member can be in charge of organizing this tradition for that year.

There are many traditions that can be included in your family's Thanksgiving celebrations; these are but a few. Traditions draw families together; they encourage teamwork, co-operation and laughter. And most things when done with a common goal in mind are fun. I hope you enjoy your Thanksgiving celebrations.

Adult Stepchildren - Is Their An Easy Solution to Getting Along?

There is no denying that blended families are difficult not only for the stepchildren but for the adults as well. And when the stepchildren are adults, the difficulties are possibly more complex than when children are small. What can we do to improve our relationships with our adult stepchildren?

First we have to understand why there may be resentment towards us. The following may be some things to consider:

- Did we come into the situation not considering how the adult stepchildren might be feeling about their parent remarrying? This is particularly the case if their parent had not been on their own for any significant length of time.
- Was it a complete surprise to them or had their biological parent discussed his/her plans with the children?
- Are they fearful of feeling isolated from their parent and that his/her time and attention will be taken away from them?
- If there are grandchildren, do they feel less time will be spent with them because of the new person in their mother/father's life?
- They may feel as if they're being disloyal to the absent parent if they welcome or are friendly with the stepparent.
- They may be concerned about inheritance issues and feel there will be nothing for them.

There are many ways that adult stepchildren can show their displeasure with the new person in their biological parent's life. The following are some of the ways:

- They may not invite you to special occasions;
- They may exclude you from conversations that you know nothing about because they took place before you were part of the family;
- They may ignore you as if you don't exist even when you're in your own home;
- They may attempt to control their biological parent;
- They may do cruel things like giving Christmas gifts to their parent but not to you or sit at your table when you have prepared a meal and not say anything to you.

As stepparents to adult stepchildren, how can we handle this difficult situation?

- Don't take what is said and done to you personally. The reality is it likely has nothing to do with you as a person. No matter who had come into their parent's life, they would feel the same way about them.
- The dynamics of the family were no doubt in existence long before you became part of it. Being the new kid on the block will not change the basic dynamics. It's important to remember that no matter what situation you are in, the new kid always has a tough time getting accepted. The same thing happened when we went to a new school.
- Realize that you will not win adult stepchildren over with warmth and kindness only. Patience will be required as changes in relationships take time to develop and grow.
- Set boundaries. By that I mean, do not allow yourself to be mistreated. If a dinner for the family is not appreciated, do not put yourself to the trouble again. Possibly suggest that your partner and his/her children have dinner in a restaurant without you. If they exclude you from special occasions, plan your own time with family and friends. If they try to control their biological parent, discover the reason why and discuss the problem with your partner, explaining how you feel.
- Give your partner family time, without you, with his/her adult children to try to lessen the reason for any jealousies.
- If all else fails, as a couple, speak with a counselor.

We don't need to be parents to our adult stepchildren. If we can succeed at being friends, we can consider ourselves fortunate.

His Sins Comment

"His Sins" is a captivating novel about how some decisions have the capacity to withstand lifetimes and generations. We follow one man's decisions to see how the ripple effect lasts generations affecting not only his children, but his children's children, and their children also. It makes us think twice about the lives we lead, and the intentions we hold dear to our hearts. It warns us of our motivations and how they not only affect our own individual lives, but also the lives of those we love most, and even the lives of those we will never meet. "His Sins" makes us remembrr that what we do is important, and what we feel is even more so.

Helen Edwards, M.Ed
Mental Health Therapist

His Sins Summary - Fiction

“His Sins” is a three-generation family saga about how the actions of one member of a family can be felt, and continue to be felt, by future generations.

Part I – Alexander and Janet – Alexander, at eighteen years of age, is determined to leave the mine; a mine that is killing his father. At 38 years old, his father is already coughing up phlegm and coal dust. Alexander’s anger becomes intensified with the eventual early death of his father and the stillborn birth of their first born child causing yet another delay in his ability to leave the mine. He finally manages, along with Janet, to leave their mining community in Scotland for a new world where they believe that the streets are lined with gold. In the Peace River District of Canada, he finds that riches are not everywhere as he had thought. Realizing that disappointment and bad luck has continued to follow and haunt him wherever he has traveled, he takes his anger and bitterness out on his family.

Part II – Elsa, Alexander and Janet’s daughter, was conceived on a night when Alexander, while in a drunken state, had taken Janet without thought for the pain he was inflicting upon her. She is loved by neither father nor mother. As a result she grows up where loneliness is her constant companion becoming the one who bears the brunt of her parents’ frustration and anger. Because of the lack of love shown by her parents, Elsa is completely lacking in self-esteem placing her in a vulnerable position. As a result she marries a man, much like her father, who is happy to have a wife that can be so easily controlled. And while raising seven children, she remains completely under his thumb, always fearful and intimidated.

Part III – Sarah Ann, second child of Elsa and Peter, is born with spunk. She is spirited and determined. Watching her father’s treatment of her mother, she quickly resolves to never allow herself to be treated in such a way by any man, ever.

As she grows older, appearing to be unscathed by her parents’ dysfunctional relationship, she happily dates telling all that marriage holds no interest for her. Until she meets Adam! It is then she realizes that her family history has had an affect upon her as well. As Adam becomes more serious, she discovers that her issues of “trust” and especially “commitment” are problems she will have to overcome if she doesn’t want to lose Adam forever. Is she able to resolve her dilemma?

“His Sins” is a story about families and relationships; about what the results can be of one person’s actions on another. It is also a story about the power of the human personality and how adversity can be overcome with strength and determination. Although it tells of bitterness and resentment, it also speaks of love.

His Sins Preview III

Part III Sarah Ann

Chapter I

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Sarah Ann sipped her wine as she watched Adam over the rim of her glass. Knowing that he sensed there was something wrong, she was apprehensive about what he might say to her and how she would answer. She didn't enjoy serious conversations where she was put in the position of having to explain her actions. And she especially didn't want to have to explain why she was backing away from their relationship.

Laying down his knife and fork, Adam picked up his glass of wine and looked across the table at Sarah Ann. The smile had disappeared from his face.

"Do you want to tell me what's bothering you? I know you well enough to know there's something going on in that pretty head of yours. How will we be able to have a relationship if we're not going to be able to talk about things that bother us? Have I said or done something to offend you?"

Sarah Ann could feel the heat in her cheeks spread to her neck. "It's nothing you're said or done Adam. You're a great person."

"If I'm great, why do I get the feeling that you're pulling away from me? I felt it as soon as I asked if you wanted to join me when I go to Prince George. I thought we had something special going but now I'm confused."

Sarah Ann looked unhappily at her plate. The seafood, which she normally loved, looked unappetizing and she felt nauseous as she considered how she was going to answer him. Confused, she didn't want to lose what they had but she was also afraid of where the relationship might take her.

She was very attracted to Adam but her feelings for him were much stronger than what she was comfortable with. She was beginning to get that closed in feeling that she had experienced in the past when she was in a relationship that was getting too serious. Normally when this feeling hit her, she was off and running. But she didn't really want to do a disappearing act this time but she couldn't stay either.

Although she didn't like the feeling of not being in control of her emotions, she also didn't want to lose what they had either. She had to admit to herself that she enjoyed how Adam treated her, how he made her feel special, the fun they had when they were together, the things they had in common and how they could talk for hours.

His Sins Preview II

Part II Elsa

Chapter I

Walking aboard the C.P.R. Ferry from the downtown Vancouver wharf, Elsa clutched her battered old cardboard suitcase tightly. She had the beginnings of a hard lump in the pit of her stomach. Waving at Katrin, she leaned on the railing of the outer deck, letting the icy wind whip at her hair. As the vessel moved further out into the water, she watched the deep troughs of waves following behind as it made a wide arc, gradually leaving the wharf, and Katrin, far behind. She might have been crossing the ocean back to Scotland, so lonely did she feel.

Seagulls screeched overhead, occasionally landing on the railing nearby. Wrapping her coat more tightly around her body for warmth, she remain on the deck, not wanting to go into the interior of the crowded ship. She preferred instead to be alone with her misery.

Her parting from Katrin had been difficult with each girl promising to write every day. Elsa and Elizabeth had parted with hugs and promises of letters but Elsa knew that Elizabeth, with her active social life, would have little time for writing.

Her father had made no comment when she had told him about the job she had secured for herself and had barely acknowledged her farewell. Hrr mother had awkwardly kissed her eldest daughter on the cheek and Elsa had smiled wryly when she realized it was the first kiss she ever remembered receiving from her mother. Even Katrin's parents' farewell had been more affectionate than her own family's had been when they had said goodbye. This fact had not bothered Elsa and nor was it a surprise.

She was to be met at the Ferry in Nanaimo and then would be driving to the inland logging camp further up the island. Mrs. Clarkson, the lady she would be working for, had said that it was a two hour drive from the Ferry and to be prepared for the rough ride.

"For the most part," she had said, "the logging roads are barely cleared enough for the logging trucks that travel back and forth constantly. I only go when I have to and now with another baby coming, it's not worth the trip."

Elsa had never travelled to Vancouver Island before and in spite of the biting cold and her extreme nervousness about the task before her, she discovered that she was beginning to enjoy the ferry ride. She was to be responsible for the care of three small children, as well as household duties. The care of a small baby would be exciting too, she expected.

"The meals will not be your responsibility," Mrs. Clarkson had written, "but all of the other duties of running the household will be expected. My husband is very particular about his meals so I will be preparing them myself." Her duties did not overly concern Elsa because she was used to work but she wondered what her employers would be like.

Would Mrs. Clarkson be a difficult mistress? And Mr. Clarkson? Would he be friendly? Maybe even too friendly? Elsa was particularly shy and uncomfortable around men and for that reason was more concerned aout her meeting with Mr. Clarkson than she was about meeting his wife. As the ferry ploughed its way through the water to Nanaimo, Elsa had many questions running through her head.

After the Ferry had docked, she walked out to the passenger loading area and saw a bright red pick-up truck with 'Anmore Logging Inc,' stencilled onto the side in bold black lettering. A man of perhaps fifty stood beside the truck, a haze of purple smoke circling his head. He had black curly hair, streaked with gray and what appeared to be a two or three day gtowth of whiskers on his weathered face. His eyes were alert and intelligent as he watched a group of small children playing, a paternal and good-natured smile hovering on his lips. Elsa walked timidly towards him. "Mar. Morrison?"

His Sins Preview I

Part I Alexander and Janet

Chapter I

Alexander sat, sullen and silent, a brooding scowl etched on the forehead of his young face. It gave him the appearance of having aged prematurely. His icy hands circled the mug of steaming sweet tea while he watched from beneath hooded eyelids. Seething with anger, he saw his father double over in a bout of uncontrollable coughing, the phlegm heavy in the older man's congested chest. After the spasm had passed, his father sat up and wipping the beads of sweat from his face with the back of his coal-blackened hand, he reached for his own mug of the hot sweet black tea. Swallowing the tea in great, hurried gulps, fearful of being late for his shift in the pit, he began another bout of strangled coughing. Looking away, Alexander was no longer able to watch his father.

At only thirty-eight years of age, his father gave the appearance of being a much older man, as did most of the men who spent their lives in the mine. 'The mine will kill him,' Alexander thought bitterly, unable to hide the anger he felt at his father's acceptance of what life had dealt him, 'but it'll not be getting me.'

Turning to face his father, his thoughts focused, as they were every morning, on how much he hated going down into the pit. 'Why dinna he try to better himself and make life better for the family? He dinna care 'bout leaving the mine but I'll not stay a minute longer than I've got to,' Alexander vowed under his breath while his father continued to gasp for air.

"Give over with you and help your Da," his mother cuffed him on the side of the head. Her shrill voice caused him to purse his lips tightly together knowing that whatever he would answer in response would only earn him another cuff for his effort.

"There's naught wrong with me, Elsa. We'd best be leaving now, lad." He picked up his meal bucket, the tally lamp and flask of pit oi. Alexander followed him with the ricketty and the black pwder.

"You help your Da now," his mother's harsh voice followed him into the cold morning air. "He don't need no lazy lump of a son when he's feelin' poorly."

By the time they reached the entrance to the mine, having pedalled on their bicyles in the freezing rain, Alexander's clothes were as damp as his spirits. 'No point in worrying none about it with water running in all of the seams too,' he thought bitterly. Alexander was never dry enough, warm enough or full enough. It was five a.m. and the night was still as black as he knew the inside of the coal mine would be at the bottom of the shaft.

No one spoke as the miners were lowered three thousand feet into the bowels of the earth. Each one silent, and each one dreading the thought of yet another gruelling day, knowing that this day could be their last.

Alexander worked with his father in their own area of the mine and today they were working in a coal seam that was only twenty inches in depth. Alexander crept along behind his father holding the tally lamp as high as possible, it being the only means of lighting their way. He could hear one of the mine's ponies snorting in the distance in their underground stable. Alexander knew that the lives of the ponies were no better than his or his father's, or any of the other miners that worked each day in the mines.

"The ricketty, lad," his father reached behind him and Alexander handed the older man the small hand drill so he could make holes in the coal seam which he would then fill with explosives and a long fuse. "The black powder now, lad."

When the explosives were set, Alexander backed quickly out of the seam, closely followed by his father. Alexander always said a thankful prayer that his father always knew exactly how much black powder to put into each drilled hole. He didn't want his life shortened before he could get out of this black hell-hole.

He had plans and, unlike his father, they didn't include spending the rest of his life under the ground breathing in coal dust until his skin turned gray and coughing up his insides by the time he was thirty-five. He was only eighteen and he'd already been down in the mine for four years. 'Four years too long,' Alexander often thought as he worked silently beside his father beneath the unforgiving earth.

Each time they heard the series of explosions go off, they crawled back into the seams with their picks. It was Alexander's job to load the tubs with the coal and push it along the underground rail. By the time he had pushed it to the end of the haulage line and placed their identifying pin in the tub, the sweat was running down the inside of his already damp shirt. He retrieved an empty tub and brought it back to the opening of the seam. By the time he returned to where his father was chipping at the coal with his pick, Akexander had cooled off and was shivering again. He constantly alternated between freezing cold or drippiing sweat. He wiped his runny nose with the back of his hand and renewed his deep hatred for the mine.

How to Have a Positive Outlook on Life

We all want to live our lives in the best way possible; to be happy, successful, healthy and loved. We can only do this by having a positive outlook. How do we learn to have a positive outlook when so many around us are negative?

When we are positive, we can be motivated towards goals because we know within ourselves that we can succeed. When we are positive we can live the life we want and empower ourselves to accomplish what we want to do. Most of the things that happen in our lives are not luck; they happen because we have worked towards them whether it is with a positive attitude or a negative one. Whatever we give in life, we will get back.

The following quote explains clearly what a positive outlook can do for us:
'The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible.' Author unknown.

Those who have negative outlooks will in all likelihood be depressed, frustrated and sad. If you're determined that you'll never be able to succeed, that stumbling blocks surround you and that the world is against you, you will be absolutely right. Those with negative outlooks usually have problems with jobs, relationships and their health. An acquaintance of mine who is constantly in the doldrums, has many health issues and although they are not serious, they give her more reasons for complaint. She has difficulties with friends as well as family and has not settled into a steady job for the last fifteen years. That is what negativity has done to her life.

For those with positive attitudes even if something bad happens such as breaking a leg, they don't whine about it. They go about the business of healing. Thinking positively helps to overcome problems. Positive people see the bright side of most situations and create their own reality.

How can we become positive thinkers?
- we can eliminate any negative influences from our life and encourage relationships with positive friends;
- exercise will work wonders when negative thinking threatens to engulf us;
- humor helps us to be more positive. How can we be negative when we're laughing;
- focus on things that make us happy rather than those that upset us;
- smile at others even if you don't feel like it. Most people will smile back and their return smile will make your day brighter;
- focus on others rather than ourselves;
- accept and be happy with who we are;
- don't consider yourself a victim, you only are if you think you are;
- look for opportunities and respond to them;
- be proactive in your approach to success;
- have a clear vision of your goal and how to get there;
- do not wallow in self-pity.

With a positive outlook life improves and doors of opportunity will open. Those with positive attitudes have better health and increased longevity, and they have better problem-solving and coping skills. They create energy.

The following quote is one most positive people would probably agree with:

'Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.' Abraham Lincoln

For those with negative outlooks life could be long, miserable and unhappy. But for those with positive attitudes, life can and will be interesting and fun and one you will be happy to greet each morning upon rising.

Are You A Late Bloomer?

There are many late bloomers. These are people who don't get it together early in life; who take longer to gather wisdom and digest thoughts and ideas. And many take longer to adjust to the world they live in. There can many reasons for this.

For some it can be because they have suffered stress at an early age, i.e.: lost a parent or parents, had difficult early beginnings, lacked confidence and self-esteem or had been very shy, finding communication difficult. Or possibly late bloomers feel that youth offers them more for their development level. Late bloomers tend to be deep thinkers, usually with patient personalities. They take longer to form their ideas and to decide what they want to do with their lives. They tend to have reflective personalities.

For many late bloomers it takes years for talents to unfold or abilities to develop. Some talents such as writing can take many years to blossom while they mature. This is the case with most creativity. In most situations these slower developing individuals are not worried about it. Unconsciously or consciously they are quietly working on their development. Environment and opportunity is important and maturity has a large bearing on it. It all takes time and for the most part, they're not concerned.

There are many well-known late bloomers. Clint Eastwood didn't direct his first movie until he was sixty-two years old although he was creative in other areas. Norman MacLean didn't publish his first novel until he was seventy-four and his second and last book was published after his death at eighty-seven. Harriet Doerr didn't get her Stanford degree until she was sixty-seven and won a National Book Award at seventy-three. Grandma Moses didn't begin her painting career until she was in her late seventies.

I have often heard the expression, 'I'm too old for that.' When we take a look at the above list of well-known personalities who didn't think they were too old to start something new, we should realize that we can do anything at any age as long as we have an ability, passion and a desire to do so. With the attitude that we're too old for something, we may as well start digging our graves. All of us, whether we're late bloomers or not should realize that we are never too old for anything we want to do. Late bloomers definitely know this.

Many late bloomers grow more attractive and confident as they age. And many have cultivated other aspects of their personalities and talents, and with increased confidence have proven their abilities. It just takes late bloomers longer to discover their abilities and themselves.

Most of us know or have known one or two late bloomers in our lives. When others are worn out and ready to take it easy, they're just hitting their stride.

How Do Our Personalities and Attitudes Affect Our Lives?

Our personalities and attitudes determine how we live our lives and how others see us. They affect whether or not we look at life positively or negatively. And to a large extent they determine the happiness we have in our life.

The following is one example of this. Two acquaintances had knee surgery within weeks of each other. One accepted that there would be pain and persevered in her therapy and exercise sessions, doing all she was required to do with a positive attitude. The other complained about the pain and made excuses to avoid doing what was necessary to get her knee working optimally. The one with the positive attitude has just returned from a month of traveling and the other is still limping around with a cane.

Another situation was that of a friend's mother who thought her blood pressure was excessively high. She said she felt so bad, she wished she'd die and couldn't eat because she was too sick. The friend took her mother to the doctor who found her blood pressure to be extremely good for a woman of her age. The woman suddenly felt so much better that her appetite returned. She even looked different; not like like the woman who had a short time previously given all appearances of being one step from the grave when she thought her blood pressure was high.

In another case a friend's ex-husband thinks the world hasn't treated him well. He feels he's owed so he walks around with a chip on his shoulder. Instead of greeting others with a smile and a friendly face, he is constantly looking for a reason to fight. As a result, he usually finds what he is looking for which leads to further discontent.

These are negative examples of how personality and attitude can affect our lives. A positive example is someone whose cup is constantly half-full. They will either see the good or will look for the best in each situation, usually finding it.

Positive personalities tend to be proactive and will work towards their goals. As a result life is more likely to fall into place creating happier lives for them. But even those who have bad things happen to them that are beyond their control manage, with positive attitudes, to take their misfortune in stride. Smiles beget smiles. Positive outlooks produce positive outcomes. And if we are positive and happy, others want to be around us.

With poor attitudes or negative personalities, we can be our own worst enemies. All the bad things we think are going to happen to us usually will. I have heard people complain that we've had so much rain lately; what a terrible year it had been. I'm usually surprised thinking that the weather had been quite decent. Negative attitudes and personalities affect how we see everything. The world will look dark and gray.

The following are some things we can do to become more positive in our attitudes:

- make an effort to think positively by visualizing positive outcomes;
- practice meditation;
- listen to soothing music;
- avoid negative people;
- try to take the rush and stress out of your life by going on walks and doing things you enjoy;
- self-talk to help banish negative thoughts from your mind and encourage positive thinking;
- take a relaxing bath before bedtime to help encourage restful sleep;
exercise regularly;
- eat regular and nutritional meals – we are what we think as much as we are what we eat;
- laugh a lot.

It is said that it is easier to put a smile on our face than a frown. Putting smiles on our faces is a good beginning to having positive attitudes and personalities.

We Love Our Families But Do We Like Them?

We love our family because they're family. But why is it that some families don't like each other? There are reasons for this and there are ways to remedy it so that you can make your family your friends.

This was recently pointed out to me by a friend when she commented on how different her life was from mine – that my family spends time together doing things and she only sees her son every three or four months. She said it was like that in her family of origin too. They loved each other because they were family but they didn't like each other and did not choose to do things together.

This came as a shock to me because in my family we are friends too. We take holidays together, do day trips, keep in close contact by phone, have regular family events and as my daughter says, she considers me to be her best friend. Why then are there families who do not like each other?

There are many reasons why members within a family may not be close. One friend has two brothers that she is close to but who are not close to each other. One in particular is very jealous and envious of the other and over the years has become very bitter towards him. Another friend is not close to her son because she does not like his wife and so has chosen to distance herself from them. In both of these cases communication and compromise would have no doubt helped the situations.

Although most people realize that they often don't like what they don't know, perhaps lack of communication within families is part of the problem. How do you get to know each other if you don't interact by communicating. Another reason could be not having similar interests. Developing common interests would help families become closer so they can get to know each other better. It would also help to become interested in what others in your family are doing and treat them as you would a friend. This is different than having similar interests. For families to like each other, it is important to look for the positive things in each person rather than only the negative. Laughing together is important; it creates enjoyment of each others company. Playing games together encourages families to spend time together to get to know each other. As a family we often play games together and have for years. Some of our favorites are Scruples, Scrabble, Balderdash and Hearts.

From personal experience I can only say that liking your family, enjoying them and spending time with them increases the amount of friends you have. And none of us can have too many friends.

Do We Learn The Lessons Our Parents Try To Teach Us?

We don't always learn lessons from our parents until we're older and have had time to digest the information and realize that they were not as silly as we had thought them to be. If we think back to our youth, how many lessons we learned do we apply to our lives as adults? And do we appreciate what we did learn?

One evening when I was eight years old my mother, along with her friend, decided to take me to a special event. Dressed in her finest, a fur coat inherited from a deceased aunt, brand new rhinestone earrings and her hair newly coiffed, we set out one rainy evening. She wore gumboots of course because anyone living on a farm knows you don't wear your best shoes when it's pouring cats and dogs no matter what special event it is you are attending.

After being dropped off by the bus we walked the rest of the way along a dark road until suddenly I heard her muffled cries. “Sir,” her friend called to a passing gentleman, “would you please help my friend out of the ditch?”

This was not an easy matter. Trying to pull a woman from a water-filled ditch who is wearing a soggy fur coat and gumboots that are filled with water is a difficult feat. But eventually with a lot of grunting and groaning, they managed to pull my mother to the top of the ditch.

Together we slogged to the washroom where the special event was being held. My mother used paper towels in an attempt to dry her hair, but the mud stuck like glue. They emptied the gumboots of water but they couldn't do anything about the dripping fur coat which was beginning to smell like a wet dog.

“Well,” said my mother, “we've come all this way, we may as well go in.” She planted a cheerful smile upon her face as we left the washroom.

At my age, I had not as yet developed any great understanding for my mother's predicament. In fact I felt very embarrassed to be walking down the aisle behind this disheveled looking woman who people might realize was my mother.

Now as an adult, I have to give her kudos when I think of her walking to her seat with squelching gumboots, her hair still in muddy wet strings, carrying a dripping fur coat but still wearing her brand new rhinestone earrings.

What did I learn? Well, for one, we can't always look our best all of the time. Sometimes circumstances prevail. My mother was not going to let a bad hairdo spoil her evening. She could have cried, sulked or spoiled her friend's and my evening by refusing to go into the event. But she carried it off by holding her head high and smiling at the curious who craned their necks to get a better view of the spectacle walking down the aisle. She made the best of a difficult situation. In other words, she didn't let it get her down. Her attitude was that worse things could have happened. After all, she could have drowned in that water-filled ditch.

I realize now that her attitude was great. How nice it would be if all people who suffer disappointments or have problems could look at the positive side of a bad situation. I have tried in my life to apply this same attitude when a situation has not gone as I may have wished. It makes dealing with the unplanned or the difficult much easier when it is viewed and treated in a positive manner. And usually things really can be much worse.

I was fortunate to have parents who taught me many things about living life to the fullest. By watching them, listening to them and thinking, after I became an adult, about how they handled things, I have tried to follow their good examples. I appreciate the lessons I have learned from my parents. Even if the lessons were not good, we can still learn from them. As adults it is something to think about.

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How Do Expectations Affect Our Lives?

Expectations are something we all have whether we realize it or not. Every time we enter a room, we have an expectation. Every time we have a conversation, we have an expectation. So how do they affect our lives?

Even my dog has expectations. Recently I ran downstairs to answer my cell phone. He ran down excitedly with me expecting, because I was running, that something interesting was going to happen. When the purpose was only to answer my phone, he looked at me with disappointment and reproach. He'd had high expectations. His recourse was to lie down on the floor with his head on his paws and his back to me until he got over his disappointment.

The secret to expectations is being realistic. Do we expect to win the lottery when in reality we have only bought a ticket. Our expectation should be that we can hope to win the lottery, if we are lucky. Do we walk into a room and expect everyone is going to greet us and be happy to see us when in reality we've entered the room with a grouchy face and have spoken to no one. We may also have the expectation that we are going to take a nice trip this year. But the reality may be that we have made no effort to save for one, possibly buying lunch out every day instead of putting that money towards the wished-for trip. In the case of my dog, there was no reason for him to have high expectations only a desire that there was going to be some company.

As humans we do the same thing but the realization of an expectation will not happen with no effort on our part. If we understand that our expectations must be realistic, we won't be disappointed because we will be willing to work towards them. We will be determined, persistent and motivated in our resolve to reach those expectations. We will set goals, be positive and problem solve any difficulties in order to reach our objectives. High expectations are good to have as long as we follow these basic principles. But high expectations based on unrealistic hopes and dreams will only cause us frustration.

How do we handle disappointments when we have high expectations? Do we sulk? Hopefully not. Do we get angry? This would solve little except perhaps give us high blood pressure. Does it make us cynical? In reality not everything works out the way we want it to. If we are looking to others to meet our expectations, we can only be disappointed. Meeting our expectations can only be achieved through our own efforts.

The following quote by Confucius is good common sense:

'The expectations of life depend upon diligence; the mechanic that would perfect his work must first sharpen his tools.'

As is the next one by Ralph Marston.

'Don't lower your expectations to meet your performance. Raise your level of performance to meet your expectations. Expect the best of yourself, and then do what is necessary to make it a reality.'

And if through your best efforts you don't meet your expectations, don't sulk; try, try and try again. When trying to achieve high expectations the option should never be giving up.

How to Get a Family to Communicate

As families become busier, communication may be more difficult but certainly not impossible. Because verbal interaction between family members contribute to strong and healthy families, it is important to learn the skills to be able to become a family that is able to communicate.

One of the important ways to become a good communicator is to be an effective listener. Being a good listener means watching for non-verbal messages, not interrupting while the other person is speaking so you can talk and looking at a family member when they are talking to you insterad of gazing around. If your eyes wander when others are speaking, it will eppear that you are not listening. Another indicator of whether you are listening or not is to later remember conversations with family members. If you do not remember a discussion, it will appear as if you hadn't been listening and very likely you weren't. When you are listening, show that you are paying attention and you are interrested in what is being said.

Your family member will realize also that you are interested in what they have to say if you ask them questions. Make conversation a two-way street by not taking over the conversation. It is important also to offer encouragement when necessary, to avoid being critical, to be respectful, to be positive, open and honest and avoid being defensive. The tone of a person's voice is also important - it can tell a lot about what a persobn may be thinking but not saying. When my children were growing up, I continually reminded them that even more important than what they said was how they said it.

Finding time to communicate within a family is very important. It can enhance the feelings of love and friendship and will encourage each family member to be kind. When there are feelings of warmth and love, differences can be expressed in non-combative ways. Without communication, it is difficult to solve problems and conflict is likely to increase because there will be no feelings of closeness or intimacy. All communication should be open and straight forward. If we beat around the bush about feelings or problems, no one knows where anyone stands.

Although many will say that they are so busy that they don't have time to sit and talk but this does not have to be the case. Some ways to find time are to insist that at least some meals each week are shared. At this time take the opportunity talk about what is happening in each of your lives, discuss any potential problems or conflicts as well as feelings relating to any of these problems. Discussions too can be had while driving to school, music lessons or game practises, at bedtime and even while playing.

It is important when someone indicates that they want to talk, that you take the tinme to do so. The majority of things can be put off, but family shouldn't be. During discussions it is a good idea to eliminate any distractions like television or computer games.

If communication has not been a habit in your family, it will require someone to take the initiative and to be a role model. Once family members begin to feel confortable discussing their lives and their feelings with each other, they will also feel that they are part of a strong family unit.

Is the Experience of a Whale Watching Expedition For Everyone?

On a recent trip to Victoria, the capital city of British Columbia, we decided to include a whale watching expedition as part of our visit. We had planned it to be the highlight of our trip. But is it for everyone?

There are several reasons why it may not be for you. With large waves hitting the bow of the boat, particularly after you have left the inner harbor, anyone who is prone to seasickness may decide that this adventure is not for them.

Or if you do not have a flexible attitude, it also may not be for you. And by that I mean, if you have gone on the excursion with the idea of seeing whales and feel that anything less than that is a waste of time and money, perhaps you should not take the chance. One of my sons went and didn't see any whales; another went and saw several from a very close vantage point. I felt, therefore, that my chances were fifty-fifty and this did not seem like a bad percentage to me.

Also if you are easily or quickly bored, perhaps the trip will not be your thing either. The trip is three hours long with stopping, starting and waiting and often with not much to see in between. Particularly if this is the main purpose of your trip rather than the adventure of an afternoon on the ocean enjoying the feeling of freedom that comes from this type of experience.

On the other hand, if you love an adventure and suspect you will enjoy it whether you see whales or not, it is well worth the time and money. We found that it was a trip we wouldn't have wanted to miss in spite of not getting closer to the whales we did see. But there were many things to see and enjoy during the three hour excursion besides whales.

As we left the inner harbor, float planes lifted off not far from our boat and slowly began their climb into the clear blue sky, and fishing boats plowed through the water as they returned to the harbor. On a large outcropping of rocks near the entrance to the harbor we saw what looked like hundreds of sea lions, stretched on the rocks soaking up the afternoon sunshine. And occasionally the head of a seal popped above the surface of the water to welcome us to their ocean home before sliding quickly beneath the surface again.

As we left the shelter of the harbor, we picked up speed and headed for the open waters. The further out we went, the deeper the trough of waves became and we could hear the slap of the water beneath the hull of the boat, a steady rhythm in our ears. The sun sparkled like diamonds on the waves as they rolled towards us heading into shore. And occasionally from overhead, the sounds of seagulls greeted us.

Periodically the captain of the boat cut his engines and listened for any possible underwater sounds the whales may have been making but there were none. We did, however, eventually see some whales a little distance from us, close enough that we were able to get pictures of them. It was exciting to watch their tails and backs lift out of the water before disappearing and then repeating their performance again in a short while. We were pleased with our whale watching adventure although it is possible that those whose expectations it didn't quite meet would not have felt the same as we did.

So was it the highlight of our trip? We'd definitely do it again. And is it for everyone? Only you can decide but it certainly was for us.

Butchart Gardens, Victoria, British Columbia - Smelling the Flowers

On a recent trip to Victoria, B.C., we visited Butchart Gardens, an oasis of all that nature produces and then some. It is more than just smelling the flowers; it is an opportunity to dream of gardens and how we can incorporate nature into our own lives. And it is an opportunity to relax and enjoy the beauty of the many flowers, shrubs and trees that make up this garden wonderland.

We went in early August and the gardens were resplendent in all their many colors. The sunken garden, viewed from above, took our breath away with its beauty. And when we walked beside the vibrant flowers and lush lawns, a feeling of serenity and well-being settled upon us.

The Japanese garden is apparently at its best in the fall season but when we saw it in the summer with lily pads in shallow ponds and stepping stones across a stream, surrounded by lush growth and moss covered rocks, it was beautiful. There seemed very little that could be improved upon.

The rose garden also was lovely but our walk beside the dahlia's was breathtaking. Each dahlia different from it's neighbor and each more beautiful than the one before; if that was possible. The colors ranged from vibrant to muted to multi-colored with flower heads ranging from small to impossibly large on tall, narrow stalks.

A new addition to the garden is the Rose Carousel, an old-fashioned carousel featuring many animals instead of only the traditional horse. I rode an ostrich and my granddaughter beside me rode a panda bear. There was a camel, a zebra and a cat as well as other animals all having a particular significance to the Butchart family. There are also bronze sculptures, two totem poles, fountains and the Italian garden. During the summer there are fireworks and some free entertainment and in the winter there is a Christmas display.

Jennie Butchart began developing the garden in 1904 in the area of what is now known as the Japanese Gardens. When her husband had excavated the last of the limestone from their property, she had the remaining rocks rearranged and brought in topsoil to begin what has become the sunken garden. Over the years the gardens grew in popularity and by 1915 it was estimated that 18,000 people had already visited it. Over the years new gardens and exhibits have been added. Butchart Gardens is open year round for the enjoyment of the many visitors who come each season to view what it offers in the way of beauty and tranquility. It is a garden that has been passed down through the generations and continues to this day to be managed by the Butchart family.

As a nature and flower lover, it is no surprise that our visit to Butchart Gardens was, for me, a great place to go to relax where one can enjoy the flowers, beauty and nature and worries seem to be far removed.

It is not necessary to actually smell the flowers in order to appreciate their beauty and the wonder of nature and to realize that from one small seed or tuber, a living plant can burst forth in such spectacular splendor for so many to enjoy.

Burns Bog - A Story To Be Told

During the 5,000 years Burns Bog has been in existence, it has meant many different things to many different people. The bog is generally recognized to be globally unique on the basis of its chemistry, rare flora and fauna, natural habitat for a large variety of wildlife and for its unusually large land mass. Located near the mouth of the Fraser River in lower British Columbia, it is the largest raised bog on the west coast of North America and is one of the largest in the world. It contributes to global biodiversity because of its storage of greenhouse gases, its importance as a nature reserve and as a wilderness area.

In the early days, the First Nations People, comprised of the Tsawwassen, the Semiahmoo, the Katzie, the Musqueam, the Squamish and the Sto:lo Nations predominately, set up temporary villages in the bog during the summer months coinciding with the salmon runs. They hunted and gathered food using many of the unique plants in the bog for much of their necessary requirements.

These plants were used for medicinal purposes such as removing corns and warts; for the treatment of skin ailments and as a medicinal drink; for ailments such as sore throats and colds, and for making tea. Many of the berries found in the bog were eaten fresh or dried into cakes and were an important source of their diet. Many of the forty species of peat moss were used for their absorbent qualities for use as feminine hygiene products, diapers and bedding.

Burns Bog is home to more than 150 species of birds, insects, the rare Mariposa butterfly and a rare dragonfly population. Black bear, blacktail deer, red fox, bobcat, coyote, beaver, muskrat, snowshoe hare and porcupine also inhabit the bog. The bog is also a habitat for many threatened and endangered species such as the Southern Red-Back Vole, a rodent thought to be extinct, various Heron, Falcon, Trumpeter Swans, Caspian Tern, Barn Owl, Painted Turtle and the Greater Sandhill Crane whose numbers are down to between 9 – 11 per year, at last count. In First Nations mythology, it is said that the Sandhill Crane “darkened the skies” with its great migratory numbers during their annual arrival to the Lower Mainland each spring. The bog is also inhabited by 22 species of raptors, 10 species of amphibians, 6 species of reptiles, 48 species of small mammals and several species of larger mammals.

As well as the diverse and rare wildlife in the bog, there are many plants that are remnants left following the retreat of ice during the last ice age. Several shrub species found in the bog are more normally found much further north. Only a few specialized plants can survive and thrive because of the particular growing conditions found within the bog. Rainwater is the main source of water and because there are few minerals or nutrients, the growth of most plants is inhibited. Much of the plant life is unique and rare including a rare moss, the ‘sphagnum fuscium’ and ericsceous plants.

To the present time, Burns Bog continues to remain an important aspect in First Nations mythology and also in terms of cultural, traditional and current uses.

During World War II Burns Bog was controlled by the United States Army in order to use the peat moss to refine magnesium to be used for artillery shells. However, it never was used for that purpose. Also, between the 1930’s and 1984 a thriving business was conducted in the harvest of peat moss. This business threatened the many beautiful and rare plants within the bog.

Over the years Burns Bog has been threatened with many development proposals such as a deep-sea port, housing for 100,000 people, a world-class thorough-bred race track and an amusement park. The outside edges of the bog have already been disturbed with a landfill site, drainage ditches and adjacent blueberry farms. Even assuming there was no further disturbance to the bog, the damaged portion, due to its slow growth, would take 50 – 100 years to renew its self.

As well as farming and other development slowly eating away some areas of the bog, the intrusion of non-native plants such as scotch broom and blackberry bushes are becoming problematic as they intrude on this unique area. Visitors, walking on other than designated trails, have also impacted the environment of the bog.

Burns Bog’s history has been as diverse as the opinions abounding concerning its future. It’s been a future that at many times has been uncertain and as a result development and destruction have occurred. Many organizations, like The Burns Bog Conservation Society, as well as many private citizens, are bitterly opposed to development of the bog.

The Burns Bog Conservation Society, officially established in 1988, has focused its efforts on protecting the bog, fighting further development in order to preserve the ecological integrity and viability of Burns Bog.

The bog has international importance, known world-wide by environmentalists. It acts as a carbon sink trapping greenhouse gases such as carbon dioxide and methane, which if released, would be a huge contributor to global warming.

During decomposition, as would happen with development, greenhouse gases would be released. Therefore, many feel that it is important to keep the bog intact to assist in slowing the acceleration of global warming. It is important to preserve and enhance the vital ecological functions of the bog as living organisms in Burns Bog act together to produce a self-sustaining ecosystem. Bogs are also important for the fact that they filter the air and water, release oxygen, soak up potential flood waters and release nutrients into the river for the fish.

It is each of our responsibility to protect the bog and other areas like it to ensure that there is a continued habitat for the many endangered species and animals that have found refuge in the bog, as well as the rare bird life, to ensure that we continue to have nature reserves and wilderness areas. Civilization should not be allowed to intrude on an area that offers so much to our community.

On March 24, 2004, the Government of British Columbia purchased 5,000 acres of Burns Bog. But the need to protect Burns Bog is still far from over.

Several major blazes have threatened the future of Burns Bog. Because of the methane and rich peat, a fire can burn for months in the bog. In 1996 Vancouver was covered in smoke and ash for two days, destroying 170 hectares and costing more than $200,000 to extinguish. With each fire there has been substantial damage to the bog. It will require many years to renew itself.

Plants, such as the Drosera Rotundifolian plant, a small carnivorous perennial, were used for medicinal purposes, such as removing corns and warts. It was also used as a good luck charm for fishing. The Kalmia Micophylla Occidentalis plant was used for treatment of skin ailments and as a medicinal drink, sometimes causing dizziness and cramps. The dried leaves of the Rhododendron Groenlandicum plant were used to make a tea. It was used for such ailments as sore throats and colds. The twisted roots of the Pinus Contorta plant were used to make ropes and the bark was used for medicinal purposes. The stem of the Spirea Douglasii plant was used for collecting marine shells which were traded with other groups or used as currency. Many of the forty species of peat moss (sphagnum) were used for their absorbent qualities as feminine hygiene products, diapers and bedding. Much of the edible berries were harvested and dried to add to their winter food supply The berries from the Vaccinium Oxycoccus plant were cooked and served in oolichan grease, eaten fresh or stored in moss. The berries from the Vaccinium Uliginosum plant were eaten fresh or dried into cakes. These berries were an important source of their diet as was the Rubus Chamaemorus plant, which was a staple food.

The Haida, Nisgas and Tsimshim bands also occasionally used some of the plants within the bog but were not part of the predominant First Nations People who made the bog their home.

The Devastation of Forest Fires - The Good, Bad and the Ugly

According to statistics, 58% of forest fires are caused by the carelessness of humans and the remaining fires are started by lightning strikes. Most would agree that forest fires are devastating and dangerous to communities and those whose job it is to fight these fires. But do forest fires also contribute to a sustainable ecosystem?

Due to mild winters the mountain pine beetle, which would normally die off in extremely cold conditions, are thriving in our forests and have become one of the biggest contributors to our forest fire conditions. They have infected and killed more than ten million acres of trees within B.C. alone. The dead tinder-dry trees left in their wake, when added to dried underbrush and pine needles on the forest floor, act as fuel when lightning strikes.

However, in spite of the devastation caused and the economic cost, forest fires are a natural phenomenon and will continue to happen. Researchers say they play an important role by returning valuable nutrients to the soil. Fire is a natural part of a healthy forest ecosystem assisting in the reduction of the build-up of dead and decaying leaves, logs and needles that accumulate. It also reduces the forest canopy and allows sunlight to stimulate new growth from seeds.

Some trees such as the lodgepole pine and jack pine have evolved because of nature’s fires. During the intense heat from these blazes the cones open and release their seeds onto the forest floor, which has been made rich in nutrients by the ash left behind. Within months of a fire, the forest has already begun its rejuvenation process with new seeds taking root in an area that is now clear of debris.

For this reason, in places such as Banff National Park and the forest areas around Windsor and Toronto, “prescribed” and “controlled” fires are set. Although it is a common practice, it is also considerably controversial. Timber in British Columbia is considered a highly valuable resource and burning down trees does not make sense to a lot of people.

Canada’s Aboriginal people used these “controlled” fires to clear grasslands as did the early settlers to clear their homesteads. Some farmers still use this practice to renew the growth of grass for their livestock. “Prescribed” fires are considered to be one way to prevent future and more devastating fires.

The cost of forest fires is horrendous both economically and emotionally. It is estimated that approximately two million per day is spent on firefighting. And often people lose not only their homes and possessions, but their jobs as well.

During British Columbia's devastating fire season of 2003 and 2004, lessons were learned and people began to take precautions. A fishing lodge which was in the path of the Lonesome Lake fire, was spared because the owners set up sprinkler systems. However, a 100-year-old pioneer homestead in British Columbia was not so fortunate as their sprinkler system was set up too late to save the old family homestead.

Another tragic loss during this particularly bad fire season, were sixteen of the eighteen formerly restored trestles of the historic Kettle Valley Railway in the Myra Canyon area of the Okanagan. The railway spans some of the most challenging mountainous terrain in British Columbia and made fighting the fire extremely dangerous and treacherous.

Firefighters, some professional but many with little training, deal with monumental difficulties. In our mountainous British Columbian terrain, it is often difficult for those firefighters fighting on the ground. While helicopters and water tankers are used to contain fires by dropping retardants, it is the men on the ground who really put out the fires.

Visibility is also a major problem for firefighters and pilots due to smoke lying over the fire making it difficult for helicopters to get in and out to deploy the crews. It also places parachuting firefighters into extremely dangerous positions.

Firefighters also have to deal with adverse weather conditions created by the burning fire where the air around the fire heats and rises pulling in surrounding air and a wind pattern emerges from the cycle. “Flame lanes” will often be 400 feet above the trees taking huge chunks of trees and throwing them hundreds of feet.

As more and more people move outside the larger populated areas and live nearer to our forests, there is an increased risk of human-related fires and of people losing their homes because of their proximity to the forests.

For those living close to forested areas, some practical suggestions for protecting their families and homes include: that buildings be made of fire-resistant materials such as metal, slate, tile, asphalt shingles and non-combustible siding and that homeowners have a 10 meter zone of green grass around their buildings and a further 20 meters of fire resistant plants such as broad-leaf deciduous trees, low shrubs and ferns. They also suggest that people clear away twigs, debris and other combustibles from their property.

Tinder-dry forests, unrelenting hot weather, winds, careless humans or lightning strikes every year threaten people, property and our forests. Prevention is the first line of defense. Fire prevention becomes everyone’s responsibility.

The World of Only Children

The trend towards one-child families seems to have created some controversy over the pros and cons of raising an only child. There are many reasons for having an only child and there are many opinions about the consequences of raising an only child.

Many couples choose to have only one child because they begin their child rearing later in life, preferring to purchase a home and establish themselves in their careers first. Other couples may base their decision on the cost of raising a child to adulthood. The latest statistics indicate that it costs a minimum of $160,000 to raise a child to the age of eighteen.

Some believe that the negatives of raising an only child are that they may tend to be more aggressive, bossy, spoiled, selfish, and dependent on their parents and other adults in their lives. Only children, others feel, appear to mature more quickly than children with siblings.

A professor at Rutgers University in New Jersey believes these are social stereotypes dating back to the 1890’s and has no basis in fact. She believes that parenting styles will have more of an influence on how an only child, or any child, will turn out.

Some of the questions asked by proponents of larger families are:

- Do only children grow up with a different attitude and view of the world and perhaps for this reason may be more self-centered?
- Do children with siblings have better interpersonal skills?

In an article written in the Canadian Journal of Psychiatry, a study was conducted indicating that there are no marked differences in personality traits in only children than in those with siblings.

The study’s conclusion was that the biggest predictor of differences between children, whether from one child families or those with siblings, was the parental caregiver’s child-rearing attitudes, i.e.: if the parent did not exhibit significant impatience, rejection, stubbornness, neglect or over protectiveness, there would likely be few disorders of anxiety or dependency, etc. They did note however that parents of only children are generally more likely to be overprotective.

Other questions relating to only children are:

- Do they receive more attention than those who have several siblings and can this be a potential problem?
- Do only children have more opportunities academically and materially than children in larger families?
- Do only children spend more time with adults than those who have siblings resulting in children who are more mature for their ages? And could this potentially rob young children of being children?
- Are only children more spoiled and catered to or are they actually more consistently disciplined?

When speaking with adult only children, they felt that some of the advantages to being an only child were that they definitely had more attention from parents although as one person admitted, this can be a good thing or a bad thing. Only children also felt they had freedom from sibling rivalry and comparisons made to their siblings. Studies show that there is usually greater financial benefits to the only child.

One adult only child said the drawbacks were that he had no one to share the blame with, no older siblings to help him with his homework, no younger sibling to show things to, no older sibling to protect him from bullies and no sibling role models. Another problem was that as parents age, there is no sibling support. He feels that being an only child was often lonely while he was young but is also lonely as an adult when there is no sibling to discuss health problems of an aging parent with.

Another adult only child said that as a child she loved going to friends’ homes where there were other children because she loved the noise, laughter and busyness of a home with several children. She also was very shy as a child because of less interaction with other children so loneliness was an issue. She also resented that as a child and youth she was expected to attend adult occasions with her parents.

Another adult only child said she never felt the need for a sibling because she had always had lots of friends as she was growing up. She said because she was an only child she became completely reliant on herself for her own happiness.

Studies show that only children may have a slight edge regarding intelligence, assuming there is an enriched intellectual home environment. They may also have an edge on abilities to achieve assuming that their environment is one of high expectations with encouragement and motivation to achieve.

Some well-known celebrities who were only children who have accomplished great achievements are Tiger Woods, Robin Williams and John Lennon. But there are many successful people who come from families with siblings.

The answers to questions regarding only children are difficult to determine, if ever we do because of the many variables involved when parenting children whether as only children or in multiple sibling families. It is even more difficult when only children have as many diverse opinions on the pros and cons of being an only child. But those who have chosen to have one child families appear to be happy with their decision.

Adult Step-Children - Are They a Thorny Issue in a Second Marriage?

Many second marriages crumble as a result of issues surrounding step-children. With young children who are living in the home, the problem is easier to understand. But what of problems created by adult step-children who are not living in the home?

Issues such as jealousies may arise if adult children feel their wishes or, in some cases demands, are now only considered in view of the new family structure and do not have the same significance as they did before their parent had married again.

Also adult children are very often upset with the idea that the new person in their biological parent's life will not only have a claim on their time but also may have some financial claims as well which could well leave them with substantially less of the pot.

And in some cases, the adult children may feel that the new person in their parent's life is usurping their biological parent's place. They may also feel that this person doesn't measure up in some way and be resentful of the new person in their mothers or father's life.

The following are some basic suggestions to bear in mind which can help in relationships with adult step-children:

• Be a good listener to your step-children whether they are young or are adults;

• Don't try to be a parent to them whatever their age but particularly when they're adults, try to be a friend only;

• When trying to establish relationships, go slowly;

• Attempt to have good communication;

• Be interested in them and in their interests;

• Don't try to be a grandparent to the offspring of your adult step-children;

• Encourage your spouse to maintain a relationship with his/her children;

• Avoid doing anything that makes step-children, young or adult, feel threatened by you.

But what if there had been very little relationship between the biological parent and his or her children before you came on the scene? But in spite of this there is still resentment of the new person in their parent's life; what can you do as the new person?

It is still advisable to encourage your spouse to be as interactive as possible with his/her children. However, do not try to influence the children or encourage anything that is out of their comfort zone; it is not up to you and will only be viewed on their part as interference.

I read once that if a child is seven years old when a step-parent enters their life, it will take seven years for them to accept and consider the new person to be a permanent part of their existence. So it is easy to understand how much more difficult it is when the step-children are adults. And this is particularly the case if there already exists a poor relationship between the biological parent and his/her adult children.

There are varying statistics for failures of second marriages but it is suggested that a second marriage is less likely to survive than a first. One report suggests that only 20% of second marriages succeed because of the many problems and pitfalls associated with second or subsequent marriages. Step-children are considered high on the list of difficulties that are encountered.

In order for a second marriage to survive, particularly when there are adult step-children, probably the best advise is to be low-key and friendly and allow all family situations to be dealt with by the biological parent. Although according to statistics, even following this advise will not always guarantee a successful second marriage.