How to Get a Family to Communicate

As families become busier, communication may be more difficult but certainly not impossible. Because verbal interaction between family members contribute to strong and healthy families, it is important to learn the skills to be able to become a family that is able to communicate.

One of the important ways to become a good communicator is to be an effective listener. Being a good listener means watching for non-verbal messages, not interrupting while the other person is speaking so you can talk and looking at a family member when they are talking to you insterad of gazing around. If your eyes wander when others are speaking, it will eppear that you are not listening. Another indicator of whether you are listening or not is to later remember conversations with family members. If you do not remember a discussion, it will appear as if you hadn't been listening and very likely you weren't. When you are listening, show that you are paying attention and you are interrested in what is being said.

Your family member will realize also that you are interested in what they have to say if you ask them questions. Make conversation a two-way street by not taking over the conversation. It is important also to offer encouragement when necessary, to avoid being critical, to be respectful, to be positive, open and honest and avoid being defensive. The tone of a person's voice is also important - it can tell a lot about what a persobn may be thinking but not saying. When my children were growing up, I continually reminded them that even more important than what they said was how they said it.

Finding time to communicate within a family is very important. It can enhance the feelings of love and friendship and will encourage each family member to be kind. When there are feelings of warmth and love, differences can be expressed in non-combative ways. Without communication, it is difficult to solve problems and conflict is likely to increase because there will be no feelings of closeness or intimacy. All communication should be open and straight forward. If we beat around the bush about feelings or problems, no one knows where anyone stands.

Although many will say that they are so busy that they don't have time to sit and talk but this does not have to be the case. Some ways to find time are to insist that at least some meals each week are shared. At this time take the opportunity talk about what is happening in each of your lives, discuss any potential problems or conflicts as well as feelings relating to any of these problems. Discussions too can be had while driving to school, music lessons or game practises, at bedtime and even while playing.

It is important when someone indicates that they want to talk, that you take the tinme to do so. The majority of things can be put off, but family shouldn't be. During discussions it is a good idea to eliminate any distractions like television or computer games.

If communication has not been a habit in your family, it will require someone to take the initiative and to be a role model. Once family members begin to feel confortable discussing their lives and their feelings with each other, they will also feel that they are part of a strong family unit.