Resiliency - We Can All Have It

The dictionary meaning for resiliency is the ability to recover quickly from illness, change or misfortune. It is a buoyancy; an ability to get over disappointments and discouragements. It is about being flexible and having strength of character. If we have these traits, they can help us along our path through life.

Resiliency assists us in coping with potential problems. If we have the ability to cope, we can turn problems into opportunities; we can wake up with enthusiasm instead of becoming discouraged when things don’t seem to be going well. We can pursue possibilities brought about with changes. It will give us the strength to change what needs changing and to accept what can’t be changed. When we do this, we grow in character. We will feel stronger and each successful adaptation to change will help us grow.

As we become stronger and more confident and as our resiliency increases, we can learn to practice patience, tolerance and determination. These traits will also give us the ability to be able to bounce back from adversity and misfortune.

To build resiliency in a child, it is important for the child to have a close and supportive relationship with at least one adult who is a significant part of their life. If there is more than one such adult, it will be even better for the child.

When helping the child to become an adult who will be able to cope with adversity, it will be important to create realistic goals and ideals for him/her. Also, by letting him/her know that you are aware they are capable of achieving these goals will instill confidence in him/her. It will be important also to set boundaries relating to their behaviour and to establish firm rules.

When I was raising my children I didn’t have a lot of rules but those that I did have were very firm. One of my sons, when he was about eleven years old, told me that he was glad I had rules because then he knew that I loved them. He said some of his friends didn’t have any rules. I was rather surprised; I had assumed up until that time that most children hated rules. I’m not saying that my children didn’t argue with my rules but it seems they really were okay with them. I believe it gave them a sense of security; they knew they were being looked after.

When children learn coping techniques, decision making skills and how to set goals, they will be well on the road towards being resilient adults. Learning these skills as a child is much preferable than trying to develop them after we become adults. Many of us do learn to cope with disappointments and misfortunes, becoming resilient in the process but many never do learn.

Helping our children become resilient is one of the most important things we can do for them. And being adept at coping when we are adults will make our journey through life much easier. If we are strong and are able to cope when life occasionally throws boulders in our path, we will always feel that all things are possible. We will never throw up our hands and say, ‘I can’t do it’, because we'll know we can.