The Importance of a Pro and Con List in Our Lives

My mother used to say that when she got angry with my father, she would consider the pros and cons of their relationship and the pro list was always much longer than the con list. I always thought she was onto something good.

The problem here is whether we have the ability to be objective instead of subjective when we are in a combative situation. If we view a disagreement in a subjective way when we are angry, we probably will see very few pros and the con list may be very long.

How do we know if we are being subjective or objective?

If we are being objective, we are basing our opinion on definite facts; we are unbiased, and our facts are true and not imagined.

Being subjective is an opinion, an assumption or a belief which may or may not be true. If it is not true, the opinion based on it could be destructive for both sides.

But we each see our own truths – what is true for one person may be seen completely differently by another and that is their truth. So what is the truth and how do we determine it when we are trying to objectively make up our pro and con list.

An example of this would be that an opinion may be that he/she was drunk. The responding comment might be that he/she had only had two small drinks and was only tipsy. To each, it is their truth and without a breathalyzer test, who could say accurately.

The real value of the pro and con list is that once it has been made, if the pro list is longer, the anger will likely have dissipated. If the con list is longer, go for a run and then come back and open the doors of communication.

A lot of times our truths are based only on our perceptions; after communicating it is possible that something that may have once been on the con side may not be seen in such a negative light.

If the pro and con list is made up each time there is a major disagreement, and if each time the pro list is longer than the con list, as it was in my mother’s case, sit back and enjoy the benefits of your good relationship