Gabriola Island - One of the Gulf Islands of British Columbia

British Columbia has many beautiful places to visit. Gabriola Island, one of the gulf islands dotting the western coastline, is one such place. For many years it has been our annual getaway destination eagerly looked forward to by the whole family. There are few other places that could surpass its beauty with sandstone beaches and interesting shorelines. When we walk the beaches we see an abundance of starfish, jellyfish, anemones and sea otter. Seals often make their way onto the beach to sunbathe or vie for our attention.

Setting up chairs at waters edge, we enjoy the tranquility of waves lapping at our feet and the ocean sounds of seagulls and oyster catchers. There are spectacular views of ships and pleasure craft and the spirit-lifting beauty of sun glistening on gentle waves; and in the evenings, the sunsets are spectacular.

There is much to see and enjoy on this enchanted island. One of the interests is False Narrows, a narrow channel running between Mudge Island and Gabriola. When walking on Brickyard Beach, in this area, we are still able to see the remnants of a brickyard that operated from 1895 to 1945.

We often visit Malaspina Galleries, a rare geological feature. The Gallery has been carved into the sandstone over hundreds of years of high tides. Because of places like the Galleries, Gabriola Island is a great place for nature lovers and photographers alike. There are also a number of petroglyphs in the area.

Lighthouse Point is another wonderful place to visit. When we are there we can feel the power of nature as the wind is usually brisk at this end of the island. Driftwood litters the beach brought to shore by the crashing waves.

Many of the beaches are accessible allowing for shoreline hikes when the tide is low. Twin Beaches is another great place to visit where the shores are sandy and the unique shells are many and interesting. There are picnic tables and, in some areas, trees shelter the sandy beach for respite from the sun.

Several parks on the island have developed easy walking woodland trails often ending on the beach. Old logging roads and country roads heading inland are also interesting because of the many groves of Garry oaks and Arbutus trees.

Drumbeg Park is a beautiful spot that is never crowded. It has easy, open walking trails. One of the trails meanders through a grove of Garry oaks, across sandstone beaches and over a grassy hill where it comes to a beautiful view of the channel and the group of islands beyond.

On Saturday mornings we visit the Farmers’ Market where crafts, homemade jams and home-grown produce are for sale. There is also the annual Sand Castle Exhibit where any family or group can participate for the cost of a non-perishable food donation to the food bank as an entrance fee. There is the annual Salmon Barbeque; the annual Beat the Heat Summer Fest at Silva Bay with a non-marine boat race that is as much fun for the observers as it is for the participants; and the annual Concert On the Green. We have attended, and enjoyed, all of these events while we’ve been there.

As guests of this beautiful island, we savor the laid-back lifestyle with no expectation to rush anywhere. For us, Gabriola Island seems to have it all.

Commitment and Trust Issues - Do You Have Them?

There is a quote: a wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe and leaves before she is left. Is she wise or does she have some commitment and trust issues?

What causes commitment and trust issues? Is it fear of abandonment or rejection? There could be many reasons – parents divorcing, being placed in foster care or someone you trusted let you down. Perhaps they lied or cheated on you. Or if your boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse continually flirted with members of the opposite sex, kept secrets, went where you hadn't been invited, or was disrespectful of your feelings, it is difficult to give the next person your heart in trust and to feel fully committed to them. The thought at the back of your mind may be, can I really trust this person? If you can't, how can you make a commitment?

When you commit yourself, you make a pledge to someone to be loyal and to be dedicated to them. It is a conscious commitment to trust in them. Trust is a person's belief that their partner will keep promises made and it is a confidence in their relationship. Commitment and trust go hand-in-hand. Between the two a lasting foundation can be built. Without them, the relationship is likely to erode over time – they are a must in any relationship if it is able to survive.

In a committed relationship there must be the following:

- honesty – each person must be able to believe what their spouse is telling them, to know that they are being up front about everything, that no secrets are being kept or lies being told;
- put your partner first - before your work, golf, friends and your dog. Your children are a different entity, they should be put first by both of you;
- treat your partner with respect by how you talk to each other and about each other. There are so many little things that make up respect. This goes along with being considerate of your partner as well;
- communicate. This is so important. How many times have you gone to a restaurant only to see two people sitting having dinner with hardly a word passing between them;
- be open with each other. Don't be embarrassed to discuss anything. There should be no topics you cannot discuss with the person you love;
- treat your partner as your best friend – tell him/her your secrets and let them be the first person you phone when something exciting has happened. (My parents were best friends. I often saw my father as I was growing up, while in a group of people, look across at my mother with a special smile and a wink. He didn't even have to be standing beside her for them to be connected);
- support each other when work hasn't been going well, when a parent or child is ill or your partner is just feeling down and needs to be cheered up;
- continue to really love each other, and to show it, as much as the first day you felt you were really in love;
- and, trust each other – trust him/her to always be there for you as you would for them.

These things are all important. But even more crucial is picking the right person to hang your hat beside. It is so much easier to do all of the above, and to want to be committed, if the person is the right one for you and they feel equally committed. A few years ago, an acquaintance met someone that no one thought was right for her – they were like oil and water, constantly pushing each others buttons. It was a constant battlefield. After a lot of heartache, she eventually left and met a man very suitable for her and now has no problems with trust and being able to commit to her relationship. In fact they have now been together for seven years and say they love each other as much today as they did when they first realized how they felt. When you have that kind of relationship you will kiss and love, listen and believe and be together forever.

Mild Cognitive Impairment in Seniors

Mild Cognitive Impairment, MCI, is a condition that may be a precursor to dementia. MCI is a form of cognitive impairment that usually features short-term memory loss without the loss of other cognitive functions.

Although it is not dementia, seniors with MCI have a higher risk, of approximately 10 – 15% per year, for converting to Alzheimer's disease or another dementia compared with seniors who do not have it. It is normal for the speed of mental processing and memory of names, etc. to decline with aging. But these normal changes do not affect a person's ability to function.

MCI is diagnosed when there is memory impairment but general cognitive and functional abilities are intact, does not have impaired judgment or reasoning and there are indications that there is an absence of dementia. Treatments are under investigation. In a trial test of 168 people, it was discovered that the three B vitamins, folic acid, vitamin B6 and vitamin B12 were found to cut the rate of brain shrinkage by up to 50%.

Starting interventions early can slow the decline. The following are things a person with MCI can do to lower their risk for developing a dementia:

- control your blood pressure. You may require blood pressure medication to keep it under control;
- maintain your cholesterol level. Medication may be required to do this also;
- control blood sugar levels. If you have been discovered to have diabetes, it is particularly important to monitor your blood sugar levels regularly;
- maintain your weight at a normal level and exercise regularly. Walking is an excellent form of exercise;
- limit alcohol intake to 5 drinks a week with never more than one drink in a day;
be conscious of your diet being sure to include plenty of vegetables, fruit and fish in your regular diet;
- get a sufficient amount of sleep;
- limit the use of sleeping pills and over the counter medications for things such as cold symptoms;
- try to keep stress to a minimum by avoiding stressful situations and practicing relaxation techniques such as meditation;
- do not smoke;
- protect your head, especially from repeated concussions. This can increase the risk factors for development of Alzheimer's disease and other dementia's as well as cognitive impairment.

Other ideas that will assist in being able to cope with MCI is to keep a daytimer with you at all times and write down important things such as phone numbers, addresses and appointments. It can even help when you are parking your car. When you get out, make a note in your daytimer of where your car is parked so you will be able to find it again with no trouble, And if you are always losing your keys, make sure to keep them in the same place each day.

Mild memory problems are typical of aging but MCI is a little more serious. If you suspect that you may be suffering from mild cognitive impairment, it is a good idea to see your doctor to get a diagnosis.

Age is Not a Number, It's an Attitude

Do you base how old you are on the dates of the calendar? Or when you receive your old age pension check? Or do you believe age is all about attitude?

There are people I know who are ready to jump in to old age with both feet, quickly proclaiming that they're too old to do this or for that. As a result they look older than their age and they act even older. They have become sedentary, they seem to have lost interest in things and they're zest for living is gone. Why I wonder are they so quick to link arms with old age and welcome it as their long-lost friend.

But other people I know of the same age would never let the words, 'I'm too old' pass their happy, smiling lips. They continue to be active, have interests and their days are never long enough for them. Their zest for life is unlimited and they almost without exception look younger than their age.

I believe that old is an attitude and our attitudes are reflected in our behavior. Are we spontaneous and do we enjoy having fun? It is about being optimistic, positive, being able to effectively cope with what life throws our way and still be happy. Happiness is a decision. We can decide to be happy or we can decide that life is really just a barrel full of rotten apples and grumble our way through life. I read once that by the time a person reaches the age of fifty, they have got the face they deserve to have.

Part of a youthful attitude is enthusiasm, not somberness. It is having goals and a specific purpose in life. In order to stay young, we must not accept negative concepts on aging because this negativity will shape our attitude and our behavior. Life should be enjoyed in the moment. We should throw away all of our past anger and resentment and refuse to live in the past because the present is here to enjoy and the future will come soon enough. I hate to see Over the Hill decorations at a fortieth birthday – at forty we're still learning, we've barely begun our journey in life.

Socializing is important as well as having interests and hobbies. The art of staying young is being interested in learning new things, learning an instrument, taking a university course, spending time with younger friends and having an 'I can do it' type of attitude.

Do you enjoy doing some of the things your grandchildren like to do? If not, perhaps give it a try and they might begin calling you their cool grandparent. Being active, both physically and mentally, will increase your feelings of youthfulness and any ideas of being old will evaporate like a Scotch mist on a windy day – while you are on the beach flying your kite.

Adult Step Children - Love or Tolerance

There are times when we may not be too fond of our own adult children. And we do not always like every adult we meet. So is it any wonder that immediate love may not come for our adult step children?

Many of the types of behavior I've noticed step parents have complained about of their step children, both younger and adult, are things that our own children may have done. The difference is that we are often much more willing to accept bad behavior in our own children than in our step children. Have your own children talked back to you, disobeyed the rules, ignored you or been disrespectful of you? But often if our step children do the same thing, we are less tolerant of them.

Love takes time to grow so expecting to feel immediate affection for our adult step children is not a realistic expectation. Developing bonds and creating relationships are necessary before love can be achieved any time.

Step parents are not obligated to love their step children. But learning to like them and to enjoy their company is a good beginning to a good relationship. The acts of love are more important than the feelings, i.e.: showing kindness, respect, fairness, acceptance and not judging them.

Also there's no doubt about it, some children, whether young or old, are just more loveable than others. And as adults, some of us are more approachable than others. The two go together. But I believe that as the older person, it is up to us to make the first loving approaches by extending a welcoming feeling, an open smile, an interest in them and maybe even cooking some of their favorite foods.

It is important to behave in an unselfish manner – be loving, or at least behaving in a loving manner, and expecting nothing in return. Get to know your adult step children, you can't love what you don't know. Have safe conversations about their interests, their work, what's happening with the economy, the weather or on anything that will not lead to conflict. If there are grandchildren, show an interest in them as well. Be patient. Building a relationship takes time and learning to care about your step children is no exception. The hope is to at least be able to initially tolerate them. It is extremely important not to show any dislike of them. After all, they are the children of the person you love.

During the initial getting-to-know period with your step children, it is important to develop your own couple relationship so you can discuss rationally with your partner how is the best way to handle certain situations. Working together is always easier than working alone. But it is also important not to make children feel excluded – you are now a family.

To best get along with adult step children, the bottom line is to behave in a caring way toward them, be tolerant, go slowly and be patient.

Delirium and the Elderly

It is fairly common for elderly people to be affected by delirium and/or hallucinations. There may be an altered level of consciousness, inattention or disorganized thinking.

Two of the things you will notice if your elderly parent is suffering from delirium are sudden changes in behavior and their mental state. They may be hyper-alert, startle more easily or be overly sensitive to their surroundings. They can also become quite agitated or may wish to sleep for longer periods of time. They may be unable to follow a conversation or stay focused. Or their conversation may become incoherent. They may also have a decreased appetite or become incontinent. Becoming lost in places they know well is not unusual in this situation. They can experience disturbances in perception such as not understanding what is happening around them. They may not recognize familiar people. There may at times be paranoia or unrealistic fears and possibly emotional outbursts.

My mother, in her last couple of years, had several episodes of delirium and hallucinations. This is very frightening for the person experiencing them and it was also frightening for her family members, especially before we understood the reasons for them. There were several times where she saw people that were not there and carried on conversations with them. She would be adamant that the person existed and became very angry and disoriented when we tried to explain to her what was happening.

Some of the causes of delirium and/or hallucinations are:

- side effects and possible interactions of some medications;
pain;
- infections or severe illness (with my mother it always happened when she had a bladder infection which is extremely common with elderly women);
- oxygen levels;
- lack of sleep;
- effects from anesthetics;
- poor nutrition and/or lack of hydration.

If this should happen to your loved one, it is important that they receive medical treatment as soon as possible. These changes in the person are sudden and are not connected with dementia.

The following are some of the things you can do:

- call the person by name to get their response. Remind them of the day, time and where they are;
- keep sentences short and simple;
- let them know that they are being looked after and are safe;
- if the person wears glasses, make sure they are clean and being worn. This includes their hearing aides as well. These things help them to become orientated;
- try to control excessive noise and over-stimulation. This cannot always be the case, particularly if they are in a hospital environment;
- ensure that dentures are in and that they eat regularly and drink fluids frequently;
- ensure that treatment for the cause of delirium is being treated and followed up on.

Recovery time may vary from days to several weeks or longer depending on the cause of the delirium. Comfort measures are important for the patient as well as having the support of family and friends nearby.

Adult Stepchildren - What is Within Our Control and What Isn't in a Step Family Relationship?

There are many situations in families that will make a difference in our ability to be a successful step parent - ones that we have no control over. But there are also things we can do to improve our step parent relationships.

The following is a list of things that will make a difference in a step family situation that have nothing to do with the new step parent but will have an affect on his or her ability to successfully be a step parent:

- How did the biological parent get along with his/her children before you came on the scene?
If there was not a close family relationship before you, it will not improve by adding a new person to the mix. If the children already feel their parent did not spend enough time with them or was not interested in them to the extent they wanted, there may be resentment that his/her time will now be reduced by the time he/she spends with a new husband or wife. In this case, it will be important to encourage your spouse to spend sufficient time with his children to hopefully avoid any resentment in this respect.
- How long has he or she been divorced or widowed?
If it is recent, there very likely will be resentment because of loyalty to the other parent. And no matter what you may do to try and win their approval, it will be an uphill battle and one you will not likely win without a lot of patience. It may be necessary to delay marriage to give the children time to adjust to having a new person in their lives.
- Are you the new stepmother or step-father?
This will make a difference as step-fathers are more readily accepted than stepmothers. Although this can also depend upon the gender of the children and how closely that child related to their same sex parent, i.e.: a son may not be as accepting of a step-father if he has a close relationship with his own father. The same is true of a daughter if she has a close relationship with her own mother.
- What is the relationship between the two biological parents? Is it an amicable one or rife with tension?
If the two parents don't get along, the feelings of friction can be passed on to the children which will affect their relationship with a step parent. It is pretty hard for a step parent to counteract effects of negativity. It will be important to not appear to take sides - remain neutral and do not take it personal.
- How dependent both financially and emotionally are the stepchildren on their biological parent?
Adult children may see the new person in their parent's life as a threat to their emotional well-being and a possible end to their financial stability. Both losses can create resentment of the new person in adult stepchildren. In this situation, the biological parent should have a talk with the children before a remarriage to allay their fears.
- Has the biological parent included his adult children in his plans to remarry and assured them of his/her continued love?
If this has not been done and a new person is thrown into their life without any prior warning or previous meetings and a getting-to-know period, it will be difficult for the step parent as there is sure to be some resentment. Try to get to know the children beforehand, if possible at fun events.
- How far removed from the parental home are the adult children, i.e.: are they living away, going to college, married with children or still living at home?
For those living at home it will be a different situation than those living away. Those who are married may be more established in their own lives so what happens in mom or dad's life might not have quite the same impact on their lives. Communication will be the key.
- Are they a normally healthy and well-functioning family?
This is important. If the family never did function well together, there will be difficulties. Adding an extra, unknown person to a family already having problems will just add to the chaos. It is almost impossible to fix a dysfunctional family as the step parent. It is probably a situation best avoided.
- Are there grandchildren involved? Are you a much younger wife with young children of your own?
If you are, there may likely be resentment from the adult children if they perceive that their parent is giving your children more attention than they feel should be warranted if the grandchildren are being deprived of their grandparent's affection. This will be especially true if more attention had been paid to the grandchildren before your arrival on the scene than after? If this is the case, encourage your partner to spend time with the grandchildren or include them in your own family outings.

All of the above examples will have a big bearing on how the step family will function as a unit before you even begin to try to establish relationships with the adult stepchildren. The best strategy is to attempt to have positive interaction with the adult stepchildren, don't take on the role of stepparent, be friendly, open and definitely do not be pushy. Let them determine the level of involvement they wish to have until they get to know you. If friendship with an adult stepchild can be established, it is a big step towards a cohesive step family situation.