There are many late bloomers. These are people who don't get it together early in life; who take longer to gather wisdom and digest thoughts and ideas. And many take longer to adjust to the world they live in. There can many reasons for this.
For some it can be because they have suffered stress at an early age, i.e.: lost a parent or parents, had difficult early beginnings, lacked confidence and self-esteem or had been very shy, finding communication difficult. Or possibly late bloomers feel that youth offers them more for their development level. Late bloomers tend to be deep thinkers, usually with patient personalities. They take longer to form their ideas and to decide what they want to do with their lives. They tend to have reflective personalities.
For many late bloomers it takes years for talents to unfold or abilities to develop. Some talents such as writing can take many years to blossom while they mature. This is the case with most creativity. In most situations these slower developing individuals are not worried about it. Unconsciously or consciously they are quietly working on their development. Environment and opportunity is important and maturity has a large bearing on it. It all takes time and for the most part, they're not concerned.
There are many well-known late bloomers. Clint Eastwood didn't direct his first movie until he was sixty-two years old although he was creative in other areas. Norman MacLean didn't publish his first novel until he was seventy-four and his second and last book was published after his death at eighty-seven. Harriet Doerr didn't get her Stanford degree until she was sixty-seven and won a National Book Award at seventy-three. Grandma Moses didn't begin her painting career until she was in her late seventies.
I have often heard the expression, 'I'm too old for that.' When we take a look at the above list of well-known personalities who didn't think they were too old to start something new, we should realize that we can do anything at any age as long as we have an ability, passion and a desire to do so. With the attitude that we're too old for something, we may as well start digging our graves. All of us, whether we're late bloomers or not should realize that we are never too old for anything we want to do. Late bloomers definitely know this.
Many late bloomers grow more attractive and confident as they age. And many have cultivated other aspects of their personalities and talents, and with increased confidence have proven their abilities. It just takes late bloomers longer to discover their abilities and themselves.
Most of us know or have known one or two late bloomers in our lives. When others are worn out and ready to take it easy, they're just hitting their stride.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
How Do Our Personalities and Attitudes Affect Our Lives?
Our personalities and attitudes determine how we live our lives and how others see us. They affect whether or not we look at life positively or negatively. And to a large extent they determine the happiness we have in our life.
The following is one example of this. Two acquaintances had knee surgery within weeks of each other. One accepted that there would be pain and persevered in her therapy and exercise sessions, doing all she was required to do with a positive attitude. The other complained about the pain and made excuses to avoid doing what was necessary to get her knee working optimally. The one with the positive attitude has just returned from a month of traveling and the other is still limping around with a cane.
Another situation was that of a friend's mother who thought her blood pressure was excessively high. She said she felt so bad, she wished she'd die and couldn't eat because she was too sick. The friend took her mother to the doctor who found her blood pressure to be extremely good for a woman of her age. The woman suddenly felt so much better that her appetite returned. She even looked different; not like like the woman who had a short time previously given all appearances of being one step from the grave when she thought her blood pressure was high.
In another case a friend's ex-husband thinks the world hasn't treated him well. He feels he's owed so he walks around with a chip on his shoulder. Instead of greeting others with a smile and a friendly face, he is constantly looking for a reason to fight. As a result, he usually finds what he is looking for which leads to further discontent.
These are negative examples of how personality and attitude can affect our lives. A positive example is someone whose cup is constantly half-full. They will either see the good or will look for the best in each situation, usually finding it.
Positive personalities tend to be proactive and will work towards their goals. As a result life is more likely to fall into place creating happier lives for them. But even those who have bad things happen to them that are beyond their control manage, with positive attitudes, to take their misfortune in stride. Smiles beget smiles. Positive outlooks produce positive outcomes. And if we are positive and happy, others want to be around us.
With poor attitudes or negative personalities, we can be our own worst enemies. All the bad things we think are going to happen to us usually will. I have heard people complain that we've had so much rain lately; what a terrible year it had been. I'm usually surprised thinking that the weather had been quite decent. Negative attitudes and personalities affect how we see everything. The world will look dark and gray.
The following are some things we can do to become more positive in our attitudes:
- make an effort to think positively by visualizing positive outcomes;
- practice meditation;
- listen to soothing music;
- avoid negative people;
- try to take the rush and stress out of your life by going on walks and doing things you enjoy;
- self-talk to help banish negative thoughts from your mind and encourage positive thinking;
- take a relaxing bath before bedtime to help encourage restful sleep;
exercise regularly;
- eat regular and nutritional meals – we are what we think as much as we are what we eat;
- laugh a lot.
It is said that it is easier to put a smile on our face than a frown. Putting smiles on our faces is a good beginning to having positive attitudes and personalities.
The following is one example of this. Two acquaintances had knee surgery within weeks of each other. One accepted that there would be pain and persevered in her therapy and exercise sessions, doing all she was required to do with a positive attitude. The other complained about the pain and made excuses to avoid doing what was necessary to get her knee working optimally. The one with the positive attitude has just returned from a month of traveling and the other is still limping around with a cane.
Another situation was that of a friend's mother who thought her blood pressure was excessively high. She said she felt so bad, she wished she'd die and couldn't eat because she was too sick. The friend took her mother to the doctor who found her blood pressure to be extremely good for a woman of her age. The woman suddenly felt so much better that her appetite returned. She even looked different; not like like the woman who had a short time previously given all appearances of being one step from the grave when she thought her blood pressure was high.
In another case a friend's ex-husband thinks the world hasn't treated him well. He feels he's owed so he walks around with a chip on his shoulder. Instead of greeting others with a smile and a friendly face, he is constantly looking for a reason to fight. As a result, he usually finds what he is looking for which leads to further discontent.
These are negative examples of how personality and attitude can affect our lives. A positive example is someone whose cup is constantly half-full. They will either see the good or will look for the best in each situation, usually finding it.
Positive personalities tend to be proactive and will work towards their goals. As a result life is more likely to fall into place creating happier lives for them. But even those who have bad things happen to them that are beyond their control manage, with positive attitudes, to take their misfortune in stride. Smiles beget smiles. Positive outlooks produce positive outcomes. And if we are positive and happy, others want to be around us.
With poor attitudes or negative personalities, we can be our own worst enemies. All the bad things we think are going to happen to us usually will. I have heard people complain that we've had so much rain lately; what a terrible year it had been. I'm usually surprised thinking that the weather had been quite decent. Negative attitudes and personalities affect how we see everything. The world will look dark and gray.
The following are some things we can do to become more positive in our attitudes:
- make an effort to think positively by visualizing positive outcomes;
- practice meditation;
- listen to soothing music;
- avoid negative people;
- try to take the rush and stress out of your life by going on walks and doing things you enjoy;
- self-talk to help banish negative thoughts from your mind and encourage positive thinking;
- take a relaxing bath before bedtime to help encourage restful sleep;
exercise regularly;
- eat regular and nutritional meals – we are what we think as much as we are what we eat;
- laugh a lot.
It is said that it is easier to put a smile on our face than a frown. Putting smiles on our faces is a good beginning to having positive attitudes and personalities.
We Love Our Families But Do We Like Them?
We love our family because they're family. But why is it that some families don't like each other? There are reasons for this and there are ways to remedy it so that you can make your family your friends.
This was recently pointed out to me by a friend when she commented on how different her life was from mine – that my family spends time together doing things and she only sees her son every three or four months. She said it was like that in her family of origin too. They loved each other because they were family but they didn't like each other and did not choose to do things together.
This came as a shock to me because in my family we are friends too. We take holidays together, do day trips, keep in close contact by phone, have regular family events and as my daughter says, she considers me to be her best friend. Why then are there families who do not like each other?
There are many reasons why members within a family may not be close. One friend has two brothers that she is close to but who are not close to each other. One in particular is very jealous and envious of the other and over the years has become very bitter towards him. Another friend is not close to her son because she does not like his wife and so has chosen to distance herself from them. In both of these cases communication and compromise would have no doubt helped the situations.
Although most people realize that they often don't like what they don't know, perhaps lack of communication within families is part of the problem. How do you get to know each other if you don't interact by communicating. Another reason could be not having similar interests. Developing common interests would help families become closer so they can get to know each other better. It would also help to become interested in what others in your family are doing and treat them as you would a friend. This is different than having similar interests. For families to like each other, it is important to look for the positive things in each person rather than only the negative. Laughing together is important; it creates enjoyment of each others company. Playing games together encourages families to spend time together to get to know each other. As a family we often play games together and have for years. Some of our favorites are Scruples, Scrabble, Balderdash and Hearts.
From personal experience I can only say that liking your family, enjoying them and spending time with them increases the amount of friends you have. And none of us can have too many friends.
This was recently pointed out to me by a friend when she commented on how different her life was from mine – that my family spends time together doing things and she only sees her son every three or four months. She said it was like that in her family of origin too. They loved each other because they were family but they didn't like each other and did not choose to do things together.
This came as a shock to me because in my family we are friends too. We take holidays together, do day trips, keep in close contact by phone, have regular family events and as my daughter says, she considers me to be her best friend. Why then are there families who do not like each other?
There are many reasons why members within a family may not be close. One friend has two brothers that she is close to but who are not close to each other. One in particular is very jealous and envious of the other and over the years has become very bitter towards him. Another friend is not close to her son because she does not like his wife and so has chosen to distance herself from them. In both of these cases communication and compromise would have no doubt helped the situations.
Although most people realize that they often don't like what they don't know, perhaps lack of communication within families is part of the problem. How do you get to know each other if you don't interact by communicating. Another reason could be not having similar interests. Developing common interests would help families become closer so they can get to know each other better. It would also help to become interested in what others in your family are doing and treat them as you would a friend. This is different than having similar interests. For families to like each other, it is important to look for the positive things in each person rather than only the negative. Laughing together is important; it creates enjoyment of each others company. Playing games together encourages families to spend time together to get to know each other. As a family we often play games together and have for years. Some of our favorites are Scruples, Scrabble, Balderdash and Hearts.
From personal experience I can only say that liking your family, enjoying them and spending time with them increases the amount of friends you have. And none of us can have too many friends.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Do We Learn The Lessons Our Parents Try To Teach Us?
We don't always learn lessons from our parents until we're older and have had time to digest the information and realize that they were not as silly as we had thought them to be. If we think back to our youth, how many lessons we learned do we apply to our lives as adults? And do we appreciate what we did learn?
One evening when I was eight years old my mother, along with her friend, decided to take me to a special event. Dressed in her finest, a fur coat inherited from a deceased aunt, brand new rhinestone earrings and her hair newly coiffed, we set out one rainy evening. She wore gumboots of course because anyone living on a farm knows you don't wear your best shoes when it's pouring cats and dogs no matter what special event it is you are attending.
After being dropped off by the bus we walked the rest of the way along a dark road until suddenly I heard her muffled cries. “Sir,” her friend called to a passing gentleman, “would you please help my friend out of the ditch?”
This was not an easy matter. Trying to pull a woman from a water-filled ditch who is wearing a soggy fur coat and gumboots that are filled with water is a difficult feat. But eventually with a lot of grunting and groaning, they managed to pull my mother to the top of the ditch.
Together we slogged to the washroom where the special event was being held. My mother used paper towels in an attempt to dry her hair, but the mud stuck like glue. They emptied the gumboots of water but they couldn't do anything about the dripping fur coat which was beginning to smell like a wet dog.
“Well,” said my mother, “we've come all this way, we may as well go in.” She planted a cheerful smile upon her face as we left the washroom.
At my age, I had not as yet developed any great understanding for my mother's predicament. In fact I felt very embarrassed to be walking down the aisle behind this disheveled looking woman who people might realize was my mother.
Now as an adult, I have to give her kudos when I think of her walking to her seat with squelching gumboots, her hair still in muddy wet strings, carrying a dripping fur coat but still wearing her brand new rhinestone earrings.
What did I learn? Well, for one, we can't always look our best all of the time. Sometimes circumstances prevail. My mother was not going to let a bad hairdo spoil her evening. She could have cried, sulked or spoiled her friend's and my evening by refusing to go into the event. But she carried it off by holding her head high and smiling at the curious who craned their necks to get a better view of the spectacle walking down the aisle. She made the best of a difficult situation. In other words, she didn't let it get her down. Her attitude was that worse things could have happened. After all, she could have drowned in that water-filled ditch.
I realize now that her attitude was great. How nice it would be if all people who suffer disappointments or have problems could look at the positive side of a bad situation. I have tried in my life to apply this same attitude when a situation has not gone as I may have wished. It makes dealing with the unplanned or the difficult much easier when it is viewed and treated in a positive manner. And usually things really can be much worse.
I was fortunate to have parents who taught me many things about living life to the fullest. By watching them, listening to them and thinking, after I became an adult, about how they handled things, I have tried to follow their good examples. I appreciate the lessons I have learned from my parents. Even if the lessons were not good, we can still learn from them. As adults it is something to think about.
One evening when I was eight years old my mother, along with her friend, decided to take me to a special event. Dressed in her finest, a fur coat inherited from a deceased aunt, brand new rhinestone earrings and her hair newly coiffed, we set out one rainy evening. She wore gumboots of course because anyone living on a farm knows you don't wear your best shoes when it's pouring cats and dogs no matter what special event it is you are attending.
After being dropped off by the bus we walked the rest of the way along a dark road until suddenly I heard her muffled cries. “Sir,” her friend called to a passing gentleman, “would you please help my friend out of the ditch?”
This was not an easy matter. Trying to pull a woman from a water-filled ditch who is wearing a soggy fur coat and gumboots that are filled with water is a difficult feat. But eventually with a lot of grunting and groaning, they managed to pull my mother to the top of the ditch.
Together we slogged to the washroom where the special event was being held. My mother used paper towels in an attempt to dry her hair, but the mud stuck like glue. They emptied the gumboots of water but they couldn't do anything about the dripping fur coat which was beginning to smell like a wet dog.
“Well,” said my mother, “we've come all this way, we may as well go in.” She planted a cheerful smile upon her face as we left the washroom.
At my age, I had not as yet developed any great understanding for my mother's predicament. In fact I felt very embarrassed to be walking down the aisle behind this disheveled looking woman who people might realize was my mother.
Now as an adult, I have to give her kudos when I think of her walking to her seat with squelching gumboots, her hair still in muddy wet strings, carrying a dripping fur coat but still wearing her brand new rhinestone earrings.
What did I learn? Well, for one, we can't always look our best all of the time. Sometimes circumstances prevail. My mother was not going to let a bad hairdo spoil her evening. She could have cried, sulked or spoiled her friend's and my evening by refusing to go into the event. But she carried it off by holding her head high and smiling at the curious who craned their necks to get a better view of the spectacle walking down the aisle. She made the best of a difficult situation. In other words, she didn't let it get her down. Her attitude was that worse things could have happened. After all, she could have drowned in that water-filled ditch.
I realize now that her attitude was great. How nice it would be if all people who suffer disappointments or have problems could look at the positive side of a bad situation. I have tried in my life to apply this same attitude when a situation has not gone as I may have wished. It makes dealing with the unplanned or the difficult much easier when it is viewed and treated in a positive manner. And usually things really can be much worse.
I was fortunate to have parents who taught me many things about living life to the fullest. By watching them, listening to them and thinking, after I became an adult, about how they handled things, I have tried to follow their good examples. I appreciate the lessons I have learned from my parents. Even if the lessons were not good, we can still learn from them. As adults it is something to think about.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
How Do Expectations Affect Our Lives?
Expectations are something we all have whether we realize it or not. Every time we enter a room, we have an expectation. Every time we have a conversation, we have an expectation. So how do they affect our lives?
Even my dog has expectations. Recently I ran downstairs to answer my cell phone. He ran down excitedly with me expecting, because I was running, that something interesting was going to happen. When the purpose was only to answer my phone, he looked at me with disappointment and reproach. He'd had high expectations. His recourse was to lie down on the floor with his head on his paws and his back to me until he got over his disappointment.
The secret to expectations is being realistic. Do we expect to win the lottery when in reality we have only bought a ticket. Our expectation should be that we can hope to win the lottery, if we are lucky. Do we walk into a room and expect everyone is going to greet us and be happy to see us when in reality we've entered the room with a grouchy face and have spoken to no one. We may also have the expectation that we are going to take a nice trip this year. But the reality may be that we have made no effort to save for one, possibly buying lunch out every day instead of putting that money towards the wished-for trip. In the case of my dog, there was no reason for him to have high expectations only a desire that there was going to be some company.
As humans we do the same thing but the realization of an expectation will not happen with no effort on our part. If we understand that our expectations must be realistic, we won't be disappointed because we will be willing to work towards them. We will be determined, persistent and motivated in our resolve to reach those expectations. We will set goals, be positive and problem solve any difficulties in order to reach our objectives. High expectations are good to have as long as we follow these basic principles. But high expectations based on unrealistic hopes and dreams will only cause us frustration.
How do we handle disappointments when we have high expectations? Do we sulk? Hopefully not. Do we get angry? This would solve little except perhaps give us high blood pressure. Does it make us cynical? In reality not everything works out the way we want it to. If we are looking to others to meet our expectations, we can only be disappointed. Meeting our expectations can only be achieved through our own efforts.
The following quote by Confucius is good common sense:
'The expectations of life depend upon diligence; the mechanic that would perfect his work must first sharpen his tools.'
As is the next one by Ralph Marston.
'Don't lower your expectations to meet your performance. Raise your level of performance to meet your expectations. Expect the best of yourself, and then do what is necessary to make it a reality.'
And if through your best efforts you don't meet your expectations, don't sulk; try, try and try again. When trying to achieve high expectations the option should never be giving up.
Even my dog has expectations. Recently I ran downstairs to answer my cell phone. He ran down excitedly with me expecting, because I was running, that something interesting was going to happen. When the purpose was only to answer my phone, he looked at me with disappointment and reproach. He'd had high expectations. His recourse was to lie down on the floor with his head on his paws and his back to me until he got over his disappointment.
The secret to expectations is being realistic. Do we expect to win the lottery when in reality we have only bought a ticket. Our expectation should be that we can hope to win the lottery, if we are lucky. Do we walk into a room and expect everyone is going to greet us and be happy to see us when in reality we've entered the room with a grouchy face and have spoken to no one. We may also have the expectation that we are going to take a nice trip this year. But the reality may be that we have made no effort to save for one, possibly buying lunch out every day instead of putting that money towards the wished-for trip. In the case of my dog, there was no reason for him to have high expectations only a desire that there was going to be some company.
As humans we do the same thing but the realization of an expectation will not happen with no effort on our part. If we understand that our expectations must be realistic, we won't be disappointed because we will be willing to work towards them. We will be determined, persistent and motivated in our resolve to reach those expectations. We will set goals, be positive and problem solve any difficulties in order to reach our objectives. High expectations are good to have as long as we follow these basic principles. But high expectations based on unrealistic hopes and dreams will only cause us frustration.
How do we handle disappointments when we have high expectations? Do we sulk? Hopefully not. Do we get angry? This would solve little except perhaps give us high blood pressure. Does it make us cynical? In reality not everything works out the way we want it to. If we are looking to others to meet our expectations, we can only be disappointed. Meeting our expectations can only be achieved through our own efforts.
The following quote by Confucius is good common sense:
'The expectations of life depend upon diligence; the mechanic that would perfect his work must first sharpen his tools.'
As is the next one by Ralph Marston.
'Don't lower your expectations to meet your performance. Raise your level of performance to meet your expectations. Expect the best of yourself, and then do what is necessary to make it a reality.'
And if through your best efforts you don't meet your expectations, don't sulk; try, try and try again. When trying to achieve high expectations the option should never be giving up.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
How to Get a Family to Communicate
As families become busier, communication may be more difficult but certainly not impossible. Because verbal interaction between family members contribute to strong and healthy families, it is important to learn the skills to be able to become a family that is able to communicate.
One of the important ways to become a good communicator is to be an effective listener. Being a good listener means watching for non-verbal messages, not interrupting while the other person is speaking so you can talk and looking at a family member when they are talking to you insterad of gazing around. If your eyes wander when others are speaking, it will eppear that you are not listening. Another indicator of whether you are listening or not is to later remember conversations with family members. If you do not remember a discussion, it will appear as if you hadn't been listening and very likely you weren't. When you are listening, show that you are paying attention and you are interrested in what is being said.
Your family member will realize also that you are interested in what they have to say if you ask them questions. Make conversation a two-way street by not taking over the conversation. It is important also to offer encouragement when necessary, to avoid being critical, to be respectful, to be positive, open and honest and avoid being defensive. The tone of a person's voice is also important - it can tell a lot about what a persobn may be thinking but not saying. When my children were growing up, I continually reminded them that even more important than what they said was how they said it.
Finding time to communicate within a family is very important. It can enhance the feelings of love and friendship and will encourage each family member to be kind. When there are feelings of warmth and love, differences can be expressed in non-combative ways. Without communication, it is difficult to solve problems and conflict is likely to increase because there will be no feelings of closeness or intimacy. All communication should be open and straight forward. If we beat around the bush about feelings or problems, no one knows where anyone stands.
Although many will say that they are so busy that they don't have time to sit and talk but this does not have to be the case. Some ways to find time are to insist that at least some meals each week are shared. At this time take the opportunity talk about what is happening in each of your lives, discuss any potential problems or conflicts as well as feelings relating to any of these problems. Discussions too can be had while driving to school, music lessons or game practises, at bedtime and even while playing.
It is important when someone indicates that they want to talk, that you take the tinme to do so. The majority of things can be put off, but family shouldn't be. During discussions it is a good idea to eliminate any distractions like television or computer games.
If communication has not been a habit in your family, it will require someone to take the initiative and to be a role model. Once family members begin to feel confortable discussing their lives and their feelings with each other, they will also feel that they are part of a strong family unit.
One of the important ways to become a good communicator is to be an effective listener. Being a good listener means watching for non-verbal messages, not interrupting while the other person is speaking so you can talk and looking at a family member when they are talking to you insterad of gazing around. If your eyes wander when others are speaking, it will eppear that you are not listening. Another indicator of whether you are listening or not is to later remember conversations with family members. If you do not remember a discussion, it will appear as if you hadn't been listening and very likely you weren't. When you are listening, show that you are paying attention and you are interrested in what is being said.
Your family member will realize also that you are interested in what they have to say if you ask them questions. Make conversation a two-way street by not taking over the conversation. It is important also to offer encouragement when necessary, to avoid being critical, to be respectful, to be positive, open and honest and avoid being defensive. The tone of a person's voice is also important - it can tell a lot about what a persobn may be thinking but not saying. When my children were growing up, I continually reminded them that even more important than what they said was how they said it.
Finding time to communicate within a family is very important. It can enhance the feelings of love and friendship and will encourage each family member to be kind. When there are feelings of warmth and love, differences can be expressed in non-combative ways. Without communication, it is difficult to solve problems and conflict is likely to increase because there will be no feelings of closeness or intimacy. All communication should be open and straight forward. If we beat around the bush about feelings or problems, no one knows where anyone stands.
Although many will say that they are so busy that they don't have time to sit and talk but this does not have to be the case. Some ways to find time are to insist that at least some meals each week are shared. At this time take the opportunity talk about what is happening in each of your lives, discuss any potential problems or conflicts as well as feelings relating to any of these problems. Discussions too can be had while driving to school, music lessons or game practises, at bedtime and even while playing.
It is important when someone indicates that they want to talk, that you take the tinme to do so. The majority of things can be put off, but family shouldn't be. During discussions it is a good idea to eliminate any distractions like television or computer games.
If communication has not been a habit in your family, it will require someone to take the initiative and to be a role model. Once family members begin to feel confortable discussing their lives and their feelings with each other, they will also feel that they are part of a strong family unit.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
