What Are The Roles of a Grandparent?

Most of us approach the role of grandparent with happiness, excitement and perhaps a little bit if trepidation. Becoming a new grandparent is somewhat like becoming a new parent; we don't know what is expected of us.

In some ways it may be more disconcerting because we are not in control; our children are. But in other ways it is less frightening because we do not have 24 hour responsibility for this new little person; we get to sleep at night and we've already been there. And, in the majority of cases, we get to choose what kind of grandparents we will be.

We may choose, or perhaps necessity will choose for us, to be the grandparents who drive our grandchildren to appointments, school and get to be their favorite babysitter. Or we may decide that isn't our role and be the grandparents who attend all of their hockey and soccer games, concerts, dance lessons and school functions. Or we may decide to be the fun grandparent and take our grandchildren to movies, Santa's breakfast, to the beach and on picnics, to the water slides, the fair ground and on holidays.

Or we may not have a choice because we live too far away. This will create another type of grandparent role while we try to stay in touch with telephone calls, birthday cards, gifts and perhaps yearly visits.

There is another kind of grandparent, a group that is fast becoming increasingly large, who feel that it is their time and have chosen to spend months at a time in warmer climes. They feel they have earned it; they've raised their children. Sometimes when this has been a choice, children and grandchildren try to make them feel guilty that they're not there to serve in the grandparent role.

Being a grandparent is often not an easy role. We may at times be required to walk a tight rope through our children's relationships and problems while we attempt to establish and keep whatever type of role we have chosen to have as grandparents to our grandchildren.

We may also play one role with one set of grandchildren and another role with other grandchildren depending on circumstances. Our role may be different with our son's children than with our daughter's children depending on our relationshuip with our daughters-in-law. Sometimes the various roles we play, not necessarily because of our own choices, can cause problems within the family structure. There may be jealousies if it is perceived that one set of grandchildren receive more attention than another set.

In my own family, I am generally considered the fun grandparent because I take them on Christmas light excursions, on the Hallow'en and Christmas train, we do crafts, have overnights, play hide and seek and do all the other fun things there are to do with children throughout the year. Although with my daughter's children I am not only the fun grandparent but also, because of circumstances in her life, an occasional babysitter, a chauffeur for the children, and help with the many things that require being done when there are young children.

I believe that whatever role we choose as grandparents, there will hopefully be mutual satisfaction. If our children ask for more than we are prepared to give, we will not be successful in our role. On the other hand, if we become more involved in our role than our children feel comfortable with, we will not be successful either. As grandparents we must find roles that work for each family if we wish to have close relationships with our grandchildren.

Just when we thought we had it all figured out in the parent role, we become grandparents and realize that being a grandparent has become yet another learning experience. But it can also be a whole lot of fun.