Preparing Your First Child for the Birth of a Second

Preparing your oldest child for the arrival of their sibling will depend upon his/her age. Toddlers generally have an easier time adjusting than will a child that is a little older. But in most cases, inclusion in the preparation process will be a positive factor in a child's acceptance of a new baby.

The older the first child is when the second one arrives, the more aware he/she will be of the differences a new member of the family will make to their own life. They will realize that they may not get as much attention. Almost right from the beginning there is excited talk about this new person who is joining the family. There is probably a room being readied for him/her and new things bought. They are not going to be the only one their parents dote on. Things will have to be shared like when a friend comes over only now it will be all the time. There will be crying and noise and things are going to be different. They will worry about how that is going to affect them.

My son and daughter-in-law are expecting their second child; their first is five years old. They have been preparing her by including her in the build-up to the new baby's birth. She was taken when they went for the ultrasound. She wasn't that interested but at least she didn't feel left out. She's had her new room for a while, painted in her favourite colours with a brand new bed. She has a new purple quilt for her bed and she's quite excited about it.

Her parents have involved her in planning the new baby's room. Her little sister will have her old baby furniture and she is willing to share some of her prize stuffies with the baby, at least until the new baby gets her own.

She feels the baby's movements and sings to her little sister. She also chose the baby's second name. She knows that I will be taking her to the hospital when the baby is due to be born, (it is to be a caesarean), so she can see the baby right away. She knows this new baby is her sister as much as she will be mommy and daddy's second daughter and that she has an important role in the new baby's life.

Although the birth is in one month, my granddaughter does not appear to be bothered by the thought of another child to share her mommy's and daddy's attention. My son said they would probably get her her own baby doll for when they come home from the hospital with the baby. I did this with my daughter, also my first, when I brought my first son home. She wasn't particularly interested in the doll, but nor did she seem to be bothered with the addition of a brother. She was two and a half at the time she became a big sister. At this age, it isn't such a big deal; they can't visualize the changes in their life that an older child can see.

I don't anticipate that there will be any problems with my granddaughter as she will probably be too busy to notice her life being impacted that much since she goes to full-day kindergarten, takes karate, piano and dance and if the status quo continues, it shouldn't cause her any undue stress. But for the child who isn't so busy, it would be helpful if there was a grandparent or other relative to spend extra time with them.

The first month or two will be the most difficult since that's when babies are the most demanding and parents are often sleep deprived. If there are other family members who can help at that time, it will make the transition for the older child and the new parents, that much easier.

But if there isn't a grandparent or relative, perhaps supply the older child with a new game, colouring books if they like to colour, play dough if they like to be creative or something that they are interested in but only they can do as the older sister or brother.

And it won't be long before no one in the family will be able to remember a time when the latest addition hadn't always been part of the family.