Dating as a newly single parent is not as simple as dating when you are single and have no children. As a parent, what you do affects not only yourself but your children as well.
What should you consideration before you make the decision to begin dating again?
- Initially seek new friends, male or female, not dates. New friends will enrich both your children's, as well as your own life, with new activities and experiences.
- Keep your married friends as well as increase your single friends.
- Enjoy your children and take the opportunity to do more things as a family to help your children through the loss of their parent not being there. It is important to put your children first.
- When you make plans with old and new friends, do some things on your own but include your children in many of your activities so they don't feel abandoned.
- Keep communication open with your children. Before you begin to date again, prepare your children and explain to them that when people are adults, they like to have friends of the opposite sex.
- Before you begin dating, know what you want. And have a very clear idea of what you don't want, i.e.: someone who drinks too much or smokes, etc.
- Enter the dating scene slowly. Don't jump into a new relationship; take time to enjoy time spent by yourself and with your children.
- Don't be desperate and attach yourself to another relationship that may not be good for yourself or your children. Finding another mate doesn't have to be, and shouldn't be, the first thing on your to do list.
- Don't start dating for the wrong reasons, i.e.: your friends have bullied you into it, your ex spouse is dating or because you want to show others how attractive you are.
- Don't bring a new person home to meet your children unless you feel it will be a serious relationship. Bringing home a series of new people will confuse your children.
- Before introducing anyone new to your children, make sure you know a lot about them and preferably have met their friends.
- When you do decide to introduce a new person to your children, to so as a friend first. Let children get to know the new person and feel comfortable with them before there are sleepovers.
- Be patient and let your children warm up to the new person.
- Although it is good to listen to your heart, it's important also to listen to your brain and make sure that common sense takes precedence.
- Don't view someone you've met with star-struck eyes – consider whether this person is a good fit in your family and not someone to replace feelings of loneliness. Having a new person in your life is not necessarily a prescription for happiness. Happiness has to come from within.
- When bringing someone into your life, as a parent it will be important that he/she truly likes children, is kind, patient and has no anger issues.
- A new someone in your life should not discipline your children.
Although it is not easy to date as a single parent, by being patient and weeding through the unsuitable and having common sense, there is a good chance of finding the perfect match for you and your children.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
How to Promote Happiness Within Your Family
Being close to your family is a unique feeling. It is the type of closeness that you can't get from anyone else. In a healthy, stable family, this feeling translates into a happiness, contentment and a feeling of security that can't be duplicated in other relationships.
How can you have this type of family happiness if you don't already have it in your family?
- Communicate, talk together, be interested in what matters to others in your family, share feelings and thoughts, and really listen to what others in your family have to say;
- Patience – treat family members with the same consideration you would a friend;
- Be happy with yourself and content with your life and these feelings will pass to other members of your family, share the happiness you feel;
- Enjoy your family in the moment, not later when you have more time (sometimes there isn't a later time, there's always just a busy time and then children have grown up and gone). Family should be a number one priority;
- Enjoy fun things together and make exciting plans together for the future, i.e.: an outing, a family event or a vacation;
- Give each other their personal space;
- It is more important to give family members your time and undivided attention than it is to shower them with toys and other gifts;
- Eat dinner together. It is a perfect time to talk and stay in touch with what each person in the family is doing;
- Look at life as a cup being half full and it will help your family do so also;
- Feel grateful for what you have and avoid resentment and negativity at all costs;
- Be positive, smile often and make laughter a common occurrence in your family;
- Do things together as a family – fun things. Or maybe do something together as a family for others too, i.e.: keep a portion of a street clean, pick up garbage at your local beach, help an elderly neighbor, or give socks or mitts to the homeless when the weather turns cold. There are so many things that can be done and it is a perfect opportunity for a family to plan something to do together;
- Think, as a family, about the things that are important in life, i.e.: more about our environment and less about materialism. Does having a bigger house or a newer car make us happier? Happiness doesn't lie with more and better things. Happiness is family and friends and living a life we can look back on and be proud about.
I am very fortunate to have a close family who enjoy the company of each other. We socialize and although we are family, we are also friends. Becoming friends with your family will also help to promote happiness.
How can you have this type of family happiness if you don't already have it in your family?
- Communicate, talk together, be interested in what matters to others in your family, share feelings and thoughts, and really listen to what others in your family have to say;
- Patience – treat family members with the same consideration you would a friend;
- Be happy with yourself and content with your life and these feelings will pass to other members of your family, share the happiness you feel;
- Enjoy your family in the moment, not later when you have more time (sometimes there isn't a later time, there's always just a busy time and then children have grown up and gone). Family should be a number one priority;
- Enjoy fun things together and make exciting plans together for the future, i.e.: an outing, a family event or a vacation;
- Give each other their personal space;
- It is more important to give family members your time and undivided attention than it is to shower them with toys and other gifts;
- Eat dinner together. It is a perfect time to talk and stay in touch with what each person in the family is doing;
- Look at life as a cup being half full and it will help your family do so also;
- Feel grateful for what you have and avoid resentment and negativity at all costs;
- Be positive, smile often and make laughter a common occurrence in your family;
- Do things together as a family – fun things. Or maybe do something together as a family for others too, i.e.: keep a portion of a street clean, pick up garbage at your local beach, help an elderly neighbor, or give socks or mitts to the homeless when the weather turns cold. There are so many things that can be done and it is a perfect opportunity for a family to plan something to do together;
- Think, as a family, about the things that are important in life, i.e.: more about our environment and less about materialism. Does having a bigger house or a newer car make us happier? Happiness doesn't lie with more and better things. Happiness is family and friends and living a life we can look back on and be proud about.
I am very fortunate to have a close family who enjoy the company of each other. We socialize and although we are family, we are also friends. Becoming friends with your family will also help to promote happiness.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
The Power of a Smile
A smile is so simple but it can mean so much to both yourself and to others. It can light up a room and make others feel they have found a friend.
Smiles show pleasure, happiness, amusement and humor. But smiles are also welcoming and friendly. Some smiles touch only the mouth but a sincere smile will reach the eyes.
When we smile we are more attractive and we stand out from those who are not smiling. It reduces our stress level and improves our health. Others are attracted and drawn to those who smile. Smiling elevates our moods, boosts our immune system, lowers our blood pressure, releases endorphins within our bodies, makes us look younger and helps us to stay positive. Smiling makes us more approachable and more optimistic. Smiles, like laughter, are contagious.
A smile can mean the world to a lonely person, to one with low self-esteem or little confidence and to someone who is feeling sad or depressed. A smile is powerful. It can make someone else feel happier and feel good about themselves. You can smile at strangers you meet on transit, while shopping, when you visit the doctor or dentist or anywhere else you go.
To encourage your own smiles, think about the things that make you smile. Are they the antics of your children, the laughter of your grandchildren, a wink from your spouse, rocky road ice cream, sushi, dancing with someone special, the sun shining, a rainbow, crocuses poking their heads above the earth in early spring, a dog wagging its tail or a job well done?
The expression, fake it until you make it, could also apply to smiling. If you don't feel like smiling, smile anyway. But the more we smile, the more we feel that we genuinely want to smile. And the more we smile, the better we feel. The better we feel, the better those around us will feel. Therefore, it's easy to see that our smiles can create a domino effect.
Smiling also leads to thinking positively and a smile is a short hop away from laughter. Laughing is good for the heart, and like a smile is a pain and stress reliever. It is beneficial to the lungs, boosts immunity and because it is energizing, it can burn calories. Optimists smile more often than do pessimists. And optimists have better health. According to a recent study, a smile gives the same level of stimulation as eating 2,000 chocolate bars but is much better for the waistline. And when we smile, our voices sound warmer and more welcoming, making us more approachable.
A smile is recognized the world over and often no words are necessary when a person smiles in friendship. When you go about your day, remember the power of a smile.
Smiles show pleasure, happiness, amusement and humor. But smiles are also welcoming and friendly. Some smiles touch only the mouth but a sincere smile will reach the eyes.
When we smile we are more attractive and we stand out from those who are not smiling. It reduces our stress level and improves our health. Others are attracted and drawn to those who smile. Smiling elevates our moods, boosts our immune system, lowers our blood pressure, releases endorphins within our bodies, makes us look younger and helps us to stay positive. Smiling makes us more approachable and more optimistic. Smiles, like laughter, are contagious.
A smile can mean the world to a lonely person, to one with low self-esteem or little confidence and to someone who is feeling sad or depressed. A smile is powerful. It can make someone else feel happier and feel good about themselves. You can smile at strangers you meet on transit, while shopping, when you visit the doctor or dentist or anywhere else you go.
To encourage your own smiles, think about the things that make you smile. Are they the antics of your children, the laughter of your grandchildren, a wink from your spouse, rocky road ice cream, sushi, dancing with someone special, the sun shining, a rainbow, crocuses poking their heads above the earth in early spring, a dog wagging its tail or a job well done?
The expression, fake it until you make it, could also apply to smiling. If you don't feel like smiling, smile anyway. But the more we smile, the more we feel that we genuinely want to smile. And the more we smile, the better we feel. The better we feel, the better those around us will feel. Therefore, it's easy to see that our smiles can create a domino effect.
Smiling also leads to thinking positively and a smile is a short hop away from laughter. Laughing is good for the heart, and like a smile is a pain and stress reliever. It is beneficial to the lungs, boosts immunity and because it is energizing, it can burn calories. Optimists smile more often than do pessimists. And optimists have better health. According to a recent study, a smile gives the same level of stimulation as eating 2,000 chocolate bars but is much better for the waistline. And when we smile, our voices sound warmer and more welcoming, making us more approachable.
A smile is recognized the world over and often no words are necessary when a person smiles in friendship. When you go about your day, remember the power of a smile.
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