Living to Be One Hundred Years Old

More and more people, women in particular, are living to be one hundred years old and older. Studies are being done to determine why some people do and others do not.>p> Through studies done on centarians, it is believed that those who do live the longest are largely those who are independent, outgoing and curious about the world around them. They are generally not the grudge holders of our world. Many continue to live on their own or at least without requiring daily care for nursing. They remain active and continue to have many friends that they spend time with. They are open-minded and go with the flow. And they are optimistic. Their glass is always half full. There is no half empty glass sitting on their table. They don't obsess over small set-backs that they have no control over. Most centarians also seem to have preserved their cognitive abilities.

Many tend to have a diet high in vegetables and fruit with some fish but little meat. Most also have remained active with at least moderate exercise even if it just going for regular daily walks.

Genetics can play a part, i.e.: having parents or other family members who have had heart problems, high blood pressure, cholesterol, a history of cancer, diabetes or other health issues. But you do control your diet, how much exercise you get and how socially active you are. Do you allow yourself to become isolated? Do you get out with other people, see family, keep in touch with grandchildren, keep yourself aware of worldly events and learn new things? Do you try to keep your brain active by reading, doing crossword puzzles or discussing local and world politics?

Cities generally have more centarians because there are better doctors, hospitals, opportunities to socially network, more resources, better transportation, more facilities for mental stimulation and more cultural experiences available. And generally those with a higher education tend to live longer. United States has approximately 53,364 centarians with Japan having 51,376, both leading the way world-wide.

The following are also things that might indicate your longevity: if your mother had you when she was under 25 years old; if you have made a habit of drinking tea, without milk, but especially green tea; that you walk approximately thirty minutes per day; that you have made it a habit to avoid drinking sodas; have kept a healthy weight and done regular exercises; eaten purple foods, particularly blueberries; avoided red meat and deli processed meats; have not smoked; have close friends not just acquaintances; been self-disciplined and organized; set personal goals; have a positive outlook on life and a sense of purpose. It is also important to do exercises that increase your lower body strength. Also, studies indicate that if you were overweight at fourteen years old, you have a higher chance of developing type 2 diabetes in adulthood.

There are approximately 450,000 centarians world-wide. Currently the oldest person alive at 114 years lives in Japan. According to studies, there is an indication that longevity seems to run in families.

How to Help Make the Senior Years Golden

Seniors have worked their whole lives and should be enjoying the last few years they have available to them. How can we help seniors to make those years enjoyable?

The majority of seniors would prefer to stay in their own homes as they age. In the past this has often not been possible as they require more help and in some cases lose confidence in their ability to be able to look after themselves.

In recent years however there has been an initiative begun to help seniors to be able to do just that. In the United States it is called Aging in Place and in Canada it is called Aging at Home. As of 2010, in the United State there were fifty operational communities and 149 in the developmental stage with more being developed in other areas.

This program provides seniors with the ability to live in their own home and community safely, independently and comfortably regardless of their age, income or ability level. The program is to get away from institutionalized living for seniors by using telecare which includes health and wellness monitoring and home safety and security monitoring. Each person will have a choice in their care and living arrangements.

The program depends on volunteers, some trained professionals and some help from family members. Volunteers assist with health care, home repairs, provide transportation, do shopping, household chores, gardening and some light maintenance. They organize and encourage involvement in social activities such as pot luck dinners, book clubs and educational programs.

The greatest threat to seniors living on their own is falling and causing themselves serious injuries. Causes are usually lack of safety bars in showers and bathrooms, inadequate railings on stairs, loose rugs, obstructed pathways and insufficient lighting. Low cost modifications to homes can help to eliminate the potential for falls. This can be done by installing hand-held shower heads, ramps at entrance and exit stairs and non-skid flooring. For those with more severe functional limitations, and depending on the set-up of their home, extra modifications can be installed.

In some communities in the United States they are taking it a step further by developing Smart Homes that will allow seniors to live on their own but will be set up with functional monitoring for emergency detection and response and social interaction monitoring.

With this type of initiative towards seniors being able to remain independent helps to discourage depression. By allowing seniors to be able to remain in their own modified homes, it reduces many of the challenges they have previously faced. Their homes are now safe environments, people are available for assistance, they do not feel institutionalized, they don't feel like they are being a burden to anyone and so feel they are living a more normal life. And loneliness isn't the same issue because they are encouraged and assisted to be part of the comunity. Volunteers are available for doctors and other appointments.

With luck, more communities will become involved in this relatively new initiative program which not only encourages seniors to stay in their own homes but assists them to do so as well which allows the elderly to live healthier and happier lives.

Recognizing the Challenges Facing Seniors

Seniors, as they age, face many challenges. And with these challenges come fears as they consider how best to enjoy their golden years.

Health problems is one of the biggest issues with the possibility of strokes, heart disease, reduced vision, osteoporosis, a weakened immune system, arthritis and even the difficulty of simply enjoying a cob of corn because of loose fitting false teeth. All of these challenges loom like a black rain-filled cloud on their horizon. And with the prospect of health problems is the thought of losing their independence and possibly being forced to go to a nursing home or becoming a burden on their family members.

With these health challenges also comes the potential risk of injuries from falls that may eventually require them to use a cane or a walker to help them get around. Because of falls, there may be a resulting lack of mobility and accompanying pain. Incontinence is an embarrassing possibility as the body ages creating a loss of dignity for them as well.

Transportation also becomes an issue for seniors who have serious health problems. Poor vision and the high cost of owning a vehicle has made driving almost impossible. Buses are not practical with sometimes long distances to walk to a bus stop especially if they have problems with balance and mobility. That leaves taxis which they may be unable to afford, or they may be reduced to having to rely on others for their transportation requirements.

As many seniors age, loneliness also becomes an issue especially if they are unable to be out in their community. Internet is a way of communication for many people but unfortunately only twenty-nine percent of those sixty-five years and older are computer literate. And of those only seven percent use social networks such as e-mail or facebook which would be another way of combating loneliness.

This lack of computer literacy greatly reduces their ability to access information or as one senior in his eighties discovered, losing his driver's license when he was required to rewrite his test and couldn't use the computer. His license was taken away simply because he wasn't computer literate. Or other instances when internet accessibility is necessary for activating something, i.e.: a digital box for a television set.

Another challenge for many is that they have reduced and/or fixed incomes. This makes owning a car prohibitive and the high cost of living in general makes even obtaining necessary prescription medication difficult for some. Where to live can become an issue on a fixed income as well. No longer able to maintain the home they've lived in possibily for many years either financially, because of escalating property taxes or physically, they must decide where to go - a condo, with no yard work, a retirement home or an assisted living residence. However, even rents are often prohibitive.

Other challenges are, in some cases, society's negative perception of the elderly. I have witnessed this when out with my own mother and as people have passed, they let their eyes slide right over her as if she was inconsequential, didn't exist. And in some cases, in a restaurant, I would be asked what my mother wanted when she was perfectly capable of ordering her own meal. There have been cases also when the elderly have fallen victim to financial exploitation by strangers but also sadly, sometimes by their own family members.

Another challenge is memory loss but the biggest fear for most seniors is the possibility of getting dementia or Alzheimer's. Because of the numerous challenges besetting seniors, it is up to family members to help the elders in our lives as much as we are able to do so that they can live as happily as possible. It is their right.

The Elderly and Dementia

Dementia is the decline of cognitive functions, reasoning and the loss of long and short-term memory. It will impair such activities as driving, doing household chores and personal care and hygiene.

Although it was once considered a normal part of aging, we now know that it is caused by such things as underlying medical conditions but it is most common in the elderly. After 85 years of age, almost half of all adults will have it to some degree.

This decline in intellectual functioning will almost certainly have a negative impact on the quality of life and on relationships. It can affect how people think and it usually gets worse over time.

Dementia is caused by damage or changes to the brain which includes strokes, tumors or head injuries. Strokes are the most common cause, called vascular dementia. Other health issues such as Parkinson's Disease, Huntington's Disease, HIV/Aids, Multiple Sclerosis and Diabetes play a part in dementia. Also an under active thyroid gland, not getting enough B12, reactions to medications or poor blood circulation to the brain which can be a result of smoking is detrimental. Over use of alcohol can also create dementia-like symptoms as can depression which can affect the memory.

The first symptom is usually memory loss. Other symptoms include difficulty understanding words, getting lost in places they know well, inability to make a list and go shopping, confusion, forgetfulness, lack of interest in life thereby becoming anti-social. In most cases they will cease to look after themselves and their homes as the dementia progresses. There may occasionally be some aggressiveness, a tendency towards being argumentative or even violence.

To diagnose a patient, a doctor will first do a physical examination, ask questions and do memory and other mental tests. They will also probably do blood tests, an MRI and a CT scan. There is a medication which can be taken which will slow the progress of dementia.

It will be important for the dementia sufferer to have an active social life, to exercise, to watch their weight, control blood pressure and cholesterol levels and to keep their body, and most importantly, their mind active.

As a family member we can help by putting a list of important numbers by the telephone and by installing handrails in the bathroom. It will be very important to ensure that a family member who is suffering from dementia is not allowed to become isolated.

But most importantly, it is necessary to keep the mind and body active while still young to help delay the beginning signs of dementia. Being proactive by doings things to delay what may later be is better than later trying to control what already is.

When Does Assisted Living Become Necessary and What to Look For

When it becomes apparent that an Assisted Living facility may be necessary it will be important to determine which one is baest for your needs based on your physical and financial requirements as well as your lifestyle. This will include how much help is needed, what can be afforded and how close it is to family and friends.

What indications are that will determine the need to look for Assisted Living facilities?

- It is ideal for those who may require help with meal preparations, doing their housekeeping, showering, and remembering to take their medications.
- Not eating properly as my mother did by having pork 'n' beans or canned tomatoes over toast or soup. Even when I cooked meals for her, she preferred to open a can.
- Falling frequently is another indication. When my mother fell in the bathroom, pulling the towel rod off the wall and hitting her shoulder on the tub, we knew we had to think of other options. She had had other falls but this was the worst. Bruising will be a tell-tale sign.
- When minimal, or no housekeeping is being done.
- Forgetting to take medications. This is usually a result of memory loss.
- Confusion and strange behaviour. On one visit to my mother's place, she had a pot on the stove with the burner on beneath it. She said she was drying the pot. My mother was an extremely intelligent woman so this was definitely strange behaviour for her.
- When isolation and loneliness become a factor and help is required, an assisted living facility becomes the ideal choice because they receive the help they need but are still able to retain their independence.

What are some of the things to do when choosing this type of facility?

- Visit several in the area of your choice to get a feel for the place. Is it homey? Does it feel comfortable? Is it close to friends and family?
- Assess how the staff interact with the residents. Do they take the time to talk to them or are they rushed? Are they warm and friendly?
- Is there enough staff, especially at busy times such as meals and when medications are necessary.
- Speak to as many residents as possible to determine whether they are happy living there.
- Ask a lot of questions of both the residents and the staff to get as much information as possible before making a decision.
- Check to see if there have been any complaints about the facility.
- Ask to see certification inspection reports.
- Ask to see the Resident Agreement which outlines services, prices, staffing, extra charges and house rules. Do they charge extra for assistance with showers, toilet needs or giving medications, etc. Determine what their obligation is as well as your own.
- Are there extra services and assistance such as a manicurit, hairdresser or podiatrist?
- Is there a 24 hour response system in each unit?
- Is there security on the doors?
- Are there handrails in the hallways and bathrooms, are the hallways and elevators wide enough to allow for walkers and wheelchairs?
- Do they clean the rooms and do laundry? Is the facility in general, clean and well maintained?
- Do they have cable and telephone hook-up in each unit and if so, is there an additional cost?
- Do they consider and accommodate dietary needs?
- Do they allow overnight guests and are residents allowed to keep their pets?
- What activities are available for the residents? Do they have regular bus trips?
- Eat a meal there to determine the quality of food and whether staff give assistance if necessary.
- Is there another level of care provided when more care is required than what is offered in an Assisted Living facility? My mother lived in a place that offered three levels of care.
- Try to determine by talking to residents what the staff turnover rate is?

There is a lot to be considered when looking for an Assisted Living facility because it is a stressful change for elderly people. None of us like changes so it is important to make the best choice at the beginning before a move is made.

Depression in the Elderly

Depression is quite common in the elderly but it can be avoided and can certainly be controlled and eventually eliminated with proper safeguards. Feeling sad occasionally is normal but feeling as if hope is gone and there is no joy is depression.

In the elderly, unfortunately, depression is sometimes confused with dementia. The differences between the two include cognitive symptoms, language and motor difficulties and behavioral issues. With depression there is a negative view of daily life and memory lapses while hiding memory problems is consistent with the early stages of dementia. It is important with your elderly parent to get a correct diagnosis by having cognitive testing done.

The following are some of the causes of depression in the elderly:

- death of a spouse;
- health issues;
- not enjoying life as they once did;
- loneliness and isolation;
- some medical conditions such as Parkinson's Disease, stroke, cancer, multiple sclerosis, heart disease, dementia and Alzheimer's Disease;
- also prescription medications such as some sleeping pills, tranquilizers, estrogen and heart drugs can cause depression;
- alcohol is also a known depressant.

The following are some of the symptoms of depression:

- inability to function as they once did;
- feelings of extreme guilt;
- aches, pains and fatigue;
- their physical health may become worse;
--memory and concentration may have deteriorated;
- they have lost interest in activities they once enjoyed;
- they feel hopeless;
- it is difficult to get up in the morning;
- they have thoughts of suicide;
- their appetite, energy, sleep and relationships have been affected;
- they have suffered weight loss;
- may have withdrawn socially;
- they display slowed movement or speech;
- they have become irritable.

The following are some ways to help eliminate depression:

- take walks or get some exercise;
- interact with others, i.e.: go to the park, have lunch with a friend, go shopping or go to the hairdressers;
- try to renew an interest in a once-loved hobby;
- get a pet, even if it's a goldfish or a bird;
- watch a funny movie or read a humorous book;
- eat a healthy diet;
- join a support group;
- get supportive counseling;
- see a doctor and get proper medication.

Family members will need to help to ensure that their aging parent receives the help he/she needs by making sure that they take their medication as required, eat a good diet, keep appointments with their doctor and are not isolated. This will be very important because someone suffering from depression, especially a senior, will not be able to do it on their own. They will need help to become healthy and to be able to enjoy life again.

Feelings of Guilt When Our Parents Go Into An Assisted Living Facility

When it is necessary for our elderly parents to go into an Assisted Living facility, we may feel that we are not doing what we should be doing; that we are shrugging off our responsibilities when we place their care in another person's hands. And sometimes this is only the beginning of our feelings of guilt.

When my mother began having falls and was having difficulty remembering to take her numerous medications three times a day, we discussed the idea of an Assisted Living facility. My mother and I spent several days checking out various places and she was put on a list for three of the ones she liked the best. And then she settled back and thought she probably had about two years before she'd have to leave her home. But the call came in just three months time.

My mother was strong-willed and extremely independent. She dug in her heels and decided that it was too soon. But it was her favorite place because it was less than one year old and offered an on-the-premise grocery store. We went to visit it again and after meeting some of the people who lived there and the staff, she agreed. Until it came time to pack up her things and then she dug in her heels again.

And that's when guilt came again to weigh heavily on my shoulders. My feelings of ambivalence jumped to the fore. Was it really for the best? Was she going to feel abandoned? When our elderly parents are least able to do things for themselves, they are expected to meet new people, make new friends, get used to a new environment and become accustomed to new ways of doing things. Admittedly, it is a difficult challenge for them but there are often few other viable options available.

On the one hand we know that it is the best solution because they will get better medical care, there are more social opportunities, they are closely monitored and the facility has the means to take better care of your elderly loved one than you can. And also when we remember that the decision-making abilities of the elderly are not as good as they once were, we know it is the best thing to do.

But knowing that doesn't stop us from feeling we're not doing as much as we should be doing. We suffer with feelings of inadequacy, guilt over not making as many phone calls as they would like us to make, trying to get them to do what they don't want to do, i.e.: drink more fluids or eat more fruit, or things like doing chores for my mother while on a visit. She did not consider it a visit even when I had spent several hours chatting with her while I was working.

As the only daughter and the one who took her to her appointments, did her chores and looked after her, I was also the one who bore the brunt of her anger. Her anger and frustration always left me feeling as if I hadn't done enough for her. This led to extreme feelings of guilt. Could I do more? But often I wasn't sure what was expected of me.

Added to that was my mother's fear of getting dementia which led to more anger when her memory failed. But when I took her to a Gerontologist doctor who suggested medication, it just fueled her anger. The burden seemed to be on me to help her feel better but I didn't know how because I agreed with the doctor that she should have medication.

My mother has since passed away. With much soul searching I have decided that I had done the best I could with what I had available to me. I do believe the Assisted Living facility was good for her. And on her good days, she loved it there and was very happy with the staff and her surroundings.

For those who are going through this difficult situation and have feelings of guilt riding on their shoulders, it is very helpful to talk to others who are dealing with the same situation. I believe there are few of us who do not at some time or another feel guilty with decisions that have been forced upon us when caring for our elderly parents. If we know that we are doing the best we can, we can do no more.

The Elderly and Assisted Living

Assisted living is a fact for many seniors. As they become less able to do things for themselves, living in a facility where assistance is given as required, makes things easier not only for them but also takes the worry away from their family.

The benefits of assisted living for the elderly is the specialized assistance with daily activities such as bathing, dressing, putting on support stockings, medication management, ensuring that they have nutritionally balanced meals by providing meals in a communal dining room and providing trained nurses.

Other benefits of assisted living are weekly housekeeping, often a hair salon is available or at least the services of a hairdresser and a manicurist as well as someone who will cut their toe nails, a grocery store and a weekly linen service. Additionally, their health, safety and well-being are closely monitored.

There is also organized recreation in many facilities offering such things as movie nights, pub nights, bus trips, weekly entertainment, celebrations for Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Thanksgiving, Easter and Christmas, etc. There are also often card games, knitting groups, crossword puzzle gatherings and other outlets available so that seniors will not be lonely or feel isolated. It is an opportunity to make new friends and talk to others which may have been lacking when they were living on their own. Often pets are welcome too as was the case where my mother lived.

Most assisted living facilities offer self-contained private units. My mother had a large studio apartment with a small kitchenette with cupboards, sink, counter space, a fridge and a microwave. It was all she needed since meals were offered. And she had a separate bathroom large enough to accommodate using her walker. The common area where she lived had a piano which converted to a player piano for those who couldn't play. Often various people would gather around the piano and sing.

Assisted Living facilities are ideal for those who are no longer able to live independently but do not require the care that a nursing home offers. According to statistics, the average age of residents is eighty-seven years, women outnumber men three to one and the average length of stay is approximately twenty-eight months. Often after this period of time it is necessary for them to move on to the next level of care. In some facilities the various levels of care are in either the same building or in an attached one so there isn't a huge adjustment for them to make when they are moved.

My mother enjoyed the time she spent at this facility. It was obvious even to her family members that those who worked there were there because they enjoyed working with the elderly. They went well above and beyond in their care for the seniors.

Assisted living is an excellent solution to the care of your aging parent. There is no worry as there is when they are living alone that they will fall and there is no one there to look after them.

Spending Time With Your Family at the Assisted Living Facility

Is it better to spend time with your aging parent at an Assisted Living facility or to take them out somewhere? This is a difficult question and depends on the circumstances.

What are some of the things that should be considered?

- If your elderly parent is difficult to manage on your own because of mobility issues, it is safer to visit them at the facility to ensure that they don't fall or trip and especially if you have difficulty getting them in and out of your car. Or take someone else with you to help if their mobility is limited.
- If they are in the adjustment period after recently moving into an assisted living facility and they are not happy about it, perhaps it is better to visit them there and help them get adjusted to their new surroundings, i.e.: getting them involved and talking to others, ensure that they know their way around, help them feel settled in their own apartment and help them get to know what all is available to them.
- But I do think it's very important to make sure that they have the opportunity to attend all family functions so they don't think they have been abandoned and forgotten.
- After they have adjusted to their new environment they would probably enjoy being taken out to lunch or dinner occasionally or on a shopping excursion.
- Try to keep the family interaction as similar to what it was before your aging parent went into the Assisted Living facility.

If I had my grandchildren with me when I visited my mother, she wanted to go downstairs to the common area so she could show them off to everyone. She occasionally liked to go to the store but as her mobility became more limited, it became very difficult for me to take her. She railed against a wheelchair as much as she had initially objected to a walker. My son occasionally took her but we always made sure that she got to the family functions – every birthday and every celebration.

An Assisted living facility can be a wonderful place for those who take advantage of all that they have to offer. Initially my mother did this until her health began to deteriorate. At this point she felt that she almost didn't want to make the effort anymore to go anywhere. It is also a good alternative when independent living is no longer feasible. For family members it is a stress reliever because we know that our elderly parents are being well looked after and as happy as can be with their new phase in life.

Mild Cognitive Impairment in Seniors

Mild Cognitive Impairment, MCI, is a condition that may be a precursor to dementia. MCI is a form of cognitive impairment that usually features short-term memory loss without the loss of other cognitive functions.

Although it is not dementia, seniors with MCI have a higher risk, of approximately 10 – 15% per year, for converting to Alzheimer's disease or another dementia compared with seniors who do not have it. It is normal for the speed of mental processing and memory of names, etc. to decline with aging. But these normal changes do not affect a person's ability to function.

MCI is diagnosed when there is memory impairment but general cognitive and functional abilities are intact, does not have impaired judgment or reasoning and there are indications that there is an absence of dementia. Treatments are under investigation. In a trial test of 168 people, it was discovered that the three B vitamins, folic acid, vitamin B6 and vitamin B12 were found to cut the rate of brain shrinkage by up to 50%.

Starting interventions early can slow the decline. The following are things a person with MCI can do to lower their risk for developing a dementia:

- control your blood pressure. You may require blood pressure medication to keep it under control;
- maintain your cholesterol level. Medication may be required to do this also;
- control blood sugar levels. If you have been discovered to have diabetes, it is particularly important to monitor your blood sugar levels regularly;
- maintain your weight at a normal level and exercise regularly. Walking is an excellent form of exercise;
- limit alcohol intake to 5 drinks a week with never more than one drink in a day;
be conscious of your diet being sure to include plenty of vegetables, fruit and fish in your regular diet;
- get a sufficient amount of sleep;
- limit the use of sleeping pills and over the counter medications for things such as cold symptoms;
- try to keep stress to a minimum by avoiding stressful situations and practicing relaxation techniques such as meditation;
- do not smoke;
- protect your head, especially from repeated concussions. This can increase the risk factors for development of Alzheimer's disease and other dementia's as well as cognitive impairment.

Other ideas that will assist in being able to cope with MCI is to keep a daytimer with you at all times and write down important things such as phone numbers, addresses and appointments. It can even help when you are parking your car. When you get out, make a note in your daytimer of where your car is parked so you will be able to find it again with no trouble, And if you are always losing your keys, make sure to keep them in the same place each day.

Mild memory problems are typical of aging but MCI is a little more serious. If you suspect that you may be suffering from mild cognitive impairment, it is a good idea to see your doctor to get a diagnosis.

Delirium and the Elderly

It is fairly common for elderly people to be affected by delirium and/or hallucinations. There may be an altered level of consciousness, inattention or disorganized thinking.

Two of the things you will notice if your elderly parent is suffering from delirium are sudden changes in behavior and their mental state. They may be hyper-alert, startle more easily or be overly sensitive to their surroundings. They can also become quite agitated or may wish to sleep for longer periods of time. They may be unable to follow a conversation or stay focused. Or their conversation may become incoherent. They may also have a decreased appetite or become incontinent. Becoming lost in places they know well is not unusual in this situation. They can experience disturbances in perception such as not understanding what is happening around them. They may not recognize familiar people. There may at times be paranoia or unrealistic fears and possibly emotional outbursts.

My mother, in her last couple of years, had several episodes of delirium and hallucinations. This is very frightening for the person experiencing them and it was also frightening for her family members, especially before we understood the reasons for them. There were several times where she saw people that were not there and carried on conversations with them. She would be adamant that the person existed and became very angry and disoriented when we tried to explain to her what was happening.

Some of the causes of delirium and/or hallucinations are:

- side effects and possible interactions of some medications;
pain;
- infections or severe illness (with my mother it always happened when she had a bladder infection which is extremely common with elderly women);
- oxygen levels;
- lack of sleep;
- effects from anesthetics;
- poor nutrition and/or lack of hydration.

If this should happen to your loved one, it is important that they receive medical treatment as soon as possible. These changes in the person are sudden and are not connected with dementia.

The following are some of the things you can do:

- call the person by name to get their response. Remind them of the day, time and where they are;
- keep sentences short and simple;
- let them know that they are being looked after and are safe;
- if the person wears glasses, make sure they are clean and being worn. This includes their hearing aides as well. These things help them to become orientated;
- try to control excessive noise and over-stimulation. This cannot always be the case, particularly if they are in a hospital environment;
- ensure that dentures are in and that they eat regularly and drink fluids frequently;
- ensure that treatment for the cause of delirium is being treated and followed up on.

Recovery time may vary from days to several weeks or longer depending on the cause of the delirium. Comfort measures are important for the patient as well as having the support of family and friends nearby.

Caring for Elderly Parents

Caring for elderly parents can sometimes be daunting. As the adult child you may have feelings of guilt. The added difficulty is you are usually looking after a parent who fears losing his or her independence.

Losing their independence is the most difficult thing elderly people face but as our parents age, the likelihood of this becomes greater. Often they have problems being able to meet their daily needs because of diminished abilities and their failing health. They may also need to be protected so they don't hurt themselves. Examples of this are: issues relating to the stove, i.e.: leaving a pot cooking on the hot stove, leaving a tea towel too close to the elements, or leaving an empty pan on a hot element to dry, as my mother did.

Severe problems with memory can cause other concerns for adult children. With my mother, remembering to take her medications were a concern. Phoning to remind her did not guarantee that she actually took them. Forgetting appointments can sometimes be problematic as well. Another issue that concerned me with my mother was her tendency to tell too much to phone canvassers. She also tended to send checks off to anyone who asked for money. Also of concern was her growing inability to pay her bills and keep her accounts, or even her mail, organized.

Losing their ability to safely drive hugely affects a senior's sense of independence and can often become a battle between elderly parents and their adult children. My mother, fortunately, was aware when she was unable to drive in the evenings and limited herself. She would have been a danger, not only to herself, but to others as well. She was told by medical professionals when she was unable to drive during the day. She accepted it from them whereas she would not have from her family. However, this was a huge blow to her independence. She began going downhill from there because she had always prided herself on being an independent person.

Although assisted living is a wonderful alternative for those who are unable to care for themselves, it is still another step towards losing their independence. It signifies another indication of loss of control over their own environment. Most seniors would prefer to remain in their own homes. But for many this is not feasible. Very often living with their families is not an option either. For my own mother, getting up and down my stairs became increasingly difficult for her.

Often elderly parents will not be happy with the switch in roles as adult children become, by necessity, the caregivers of their parents, depending on the amount of care required. My mother, in assisted living, enjoys my role of taking her to all of her appointments, shopping for her, doing her banking, her dishes and having lunch out occasionally.

In many families, it is one child who will shoulder most of the responsibility for the elderly parent and in many cases it is the daughters who are the caregivers. In a recent study it was discovered that in 41 percent of the cases, one of the adult children is responsible and in 3 percent of the cases, there is equal contribution between the siblings. In some cases it is proximity and other times it is willingness or availability.

Sometimes elderly parents can be very demanding and as a result adult children have feelings of guilt that they never seem to be doing enough. The question then is 'what are you reasonably able to do for your parent without neglecting other members of your family?' It is important to strike a balance without feelings of guilt. And in some cases it may be important to insist that other siblings step up and help with elderly parents if one person is having the majority of the responsibility and is making all of the sacrifices.

As parents age, it becomes increasingly difficult for both the elderly parent as well as for the adult child. And although we love our parents, it is not advisable to neglect the rest of our family, or our own health, to care for them. Some of the options are to encourage other family members to help or to look into assisted living accommodations.

Aging Parents - How To Handle Their Fears

As people reach their elder years, they become more vulnerable as their feelings of confidence and the ability to care for themselves becomes less. Many elderly are unable to verbalize their fears. As their children and relatives it is up to us to determine what these fears are so we can help them.

My mother, at ninety years old, has many fears and each time she is hospitalized, they are like demons staring her in the face. Her first fear, and justifiably so after being hospitalized following a fall, was losing her independence. Combined with a very serious bladder infection, the result was that she was unable to drive again. This is a huge adjustment for a senior, especially one who had until then been very active.

Another fear, and again justifiable, was losing her dignity as she felt happened when she was ill in the hospital and unable to do many of the required things for herself. Being forced to be more reliant on others she felt was an extreme affront. This is very difficult for someone who has always relied on themselves and been very independent until her 87th year.

For her, fear of another fall became huge also because although she was fortunate not to have broken any bones, she was extremely afraid of a broken hip. And as most seniors further lose their independence, they fear isolation and loneliness as well. They see their friends dying around them and may wonder what is the use of living. Others may begin to fear dying themselves. As my mother said recently, she has too many things she wants to do yet. Many also fear becoming a burden on their families.

My mother fears having a stroke and being paralyzed. She said she would rather die with a massive heart attack. And since she has recently seen a friend die with cancer, she now has a fear of getting a recurrence of her cancer.

As seniors' brains begin to work more slowly and their memory isn't what it used to be, the fear of getting dimentia or Alzheimers is high. My mother, like many seniors, rails against being hard of hearing but she fears losing her eyesight even more since she is an avid reader.

Many others have financial fears and concerns as to their futures and others, when it is necessary to go into an assisted living type of situation, fear giving up their possessions. There are many in this generation, because of growing up in the Great Depression, have been hoarders and value their many possessions, not wishing to give any of them up even if they have no idea what they've got stashed away. And others fear losing their rights and the ability to make their own decisions.

Knowing and understanding the fears our parents or grandparents have, it is up to us as adult children to help them through this difficult time. The following are some ideas which may be helpful in assisting them:

- respect how your aging parents feel - validate their feelings;
- be understanding of their fears and give your support and love;
- listen to what your parent is really saying – keep the lines of communication open;
- help in any way possible to find solutions to their fears, i.e.: get a raised toilet seat to make getting on and off the toilet easier, get a bed rail to assist them in getting out of bed, look into daily help or if necessary, assisted living if more help is required, take them for regular doctor's appointments, make sure that they are not isolated, ensure that their diets are nutritional and that medications are taken as required;
- since falling is a serious fear, if your parent is unsteady on his/her feet, look into the need or possibility of a walker, make sure they are wearing stable shoes and hip protectors, and remove throw rugs and any other obstacles which may trip them.

My mother lives in an assisted living facility and her fears are no different than most of the other residents who also live there.

If we understand that most of these fears are valid, it is easier to assist our elderly parents. As adult children to our aging parents, I believe it is important to do what we can to make their remaining years as comfortable as possible.

Memory Loss and the Elderly

Memory loss in the elderly was once considered inevitable especially after the age of seventy. Studies now show that it can be slowed down and even improved upon.

Some of the initial signs of these memory losses are:

- forgetting a person's name;
- forgetting the right word to use;
- forgetting where they put something, i.e.: their house keys;
- asking the same question over and over again;
- telling the same story over and over again;
- being confused with times and places;
- driving difficulties and getting lost in familiar places.

Gradual memory loss will not interfere with everyday activities. More serious memory loss that has an underlying basis in disease or depression, etc. is more than just forgetting things; it causes problems with thinking, reasoning, communicating and emotions. These include things like forgetting how to do something they once knew how to do. If this type of memory loss is suspected, it is wise to consult your family doctor.

Mild cognitive impairment (memory loss) appears, according to studies, to be slightly higher in men than in women. It's thought that men may begin to experience symptoms earlier but more gradually than women but with women, once memory loss begins, it will be more rapid.

Memory loss depends to a large extent on the physical health, lifestyle and educational level of the senior. Distractions, fatigue, poor concentration, emotional problems, lack of confidence and negativity can all add to seniors' problems with memory. Some over-the-counter drug combinations can also cause difficulties as can the excessive use of alcohol or drugs.

By exercising the brain and practicing memory skills, memory loss can easily be maintained. The popular saying to use it or lose it, is a good rule to follow.

Some of the ways of avoiding the risk of memory loss that will affect normal everyday life are to avoid smoking, to control high blood pressure, to eat a balanced diet and to lead an active lifestyle. It is especially important to keep the mind stimulated and busy. There are vitamins and minerals that the elderly can take to help slow the progress of memory loss as well. They are in the Vitamin B group of vitamins as well as iron, zinc and Omega 3. It is also important to avoid distractions, to focus and to listen closely. Maintaining social relationships will help greatly in slowing memory loss in the elderly too.

However, in some cases what may appear to be memory loss may not be entirely that but rather a general slowing down of the thinking process as people reach their elder years of mid-sixties and beyond. But no one can go wrong by following the suggestions of maintaining their current levels as mentioned above.